I hope you have coffee, Persephoneers. After the snooze-worthy clothes of last week, we might need a caffeine pump to get through Fashion Week with Project Runway. I hope you enjoy the color black and/or whatever Fabio has made, which appears to be what happens when a time-traveling patchouli truck crashes into a Mormon sister-wife compound.
Have you recovered from all the wild ‘n’ wacky avant-garde (which means “a lovely suit to wear as FLOTUS” in French) fashion from last week? Has your heart stopped racing? Try to calm down and join me in a world of pure imagination. And by “pure imagination,” no, I don’t mean the VP debate. Hey-oooo! I mean another episode of Project Runway!
A big, sloppy, humpy thank you to SaraB who covered the show last week for me! No more giant shoulders from Elena, I guess. She was interesting, I’ll give her that. Scary, but interesting. I like a scary lady – we need more of them for to terrify the populace with their periods and whatnot. So go out and cause trouble in your neighborhood by being a ballsy bitch today, Persephoneers!
But this blog is not about balls or bitches (actually, it’s probably going to be about both) – it’s Project Runway time!
I know we are all sadface, Persephoneers, that Shitgobbler Ven was not eliminated on last week’s Project Runway for making a horrendous dress out of his cultural heritage, which apparently consists of maxi pads and no imagination. Let us all join hands over the pentagram drawn in L’Oreal lipstick and pray to almighty Fashion Satan that he goes this week!
“I wanna buy my mom a boob job.” This, Persephoneers, is why Not-So-Terrible Gunnar wants to win Project Runway. I almost want him to – just for that. But also not, because while he is not so terrible now, he is still a little terrible and has cartoon villain hair, yet is little more than a cartoon villain’s lesser-known sidekick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah – last week on Project Runway it was all hearts and flowers, what with no one getting booted off the show. This week, Persephoneers, I expect to see some broken hearts and crushed dreams! Why else do we tune in to reality tee vee? To learn? Pish! I want some insults and tears, and I want them now!
I have barely recovered from the last episode of Project Runway, blog friends, in which Shitgobbler Ven made my head hurt with his assholishness and terrible design. What new shitgobbling will Shitgobbler do for us this week, in his performance art piece entitled I Spew the Shit I’ve Eaten, and Also Fold Fabric Into Flowers?
It was a dark and stormy runway. The designers gathered under the rattling stage lights to await a directive from Sgt. Klum as to their next mission. The wind howled an evil portent of evilness. The weary designers huddled under their carefully-touseled hair. Would they have to create bustiers for Bigfoot? Stirrup pants for disgusting, tentacled creatures from Uranus?! No – it was worse. SO MUCH WORSE.
IT WAS CLOTHES FOR NON-MODEL WOMEN.