Recap: America’s Next Top Model, Episode 16.9: “Stuff Too Boring to Make the Regular Show. Oh, and a Virgin Sacrifice.”

Ooh! Are you snmassing yourself with excitement? Grab a cleansing tissue, Persephoneers, for I’m going to recap the clip show that you probably got pissed off at last night and didn’t bother watching. I’ve never actually watched one of these “hey, let’s slap some unused footage together and call it ‘never-before-seen’ or some shit” episodes of America’s Next Top Model. But tonight, I’ve got my drank courage on. Let’s see how many of the eliminated moddles’ names I’ve forgotten. My guess: all.
Read More Recap: America’s Next Top Model, Episode 16.9: “Stuff Too Boring to Make the Regular Show. Oh, and a Virgin Sacrifice.”

Recap: America’s Next Top Model, Episode 16.5, “Tyra Banks and the Deathly Moddles”

Hark! Do you hear the tinkling of the bells? It’s America’s Next Top Model time! Remember, every time a bell rings, a moddle gets her smize. Wait, maybe that was my microwave burrito buzzer. Whatever. I’ll smize at the burrito, no matter what happens with Ty Ty and friends. Read More Recap: America’s Next Top Model, Episode 16.5, “Tyra Banks and the Deathly Moddles”

Recap: America’s Next Top Model, Episode 16.3, “‘A Little John Galliano Never Hurt Anybody.’ Right? RIGHT?!”

Friends, it’s MAKEOVER WEEK on America’s Next Top Model! You know, the week every cycle when Tyra gives most of the girls really pretty new looks, but then dyes one model’s hair three shades of puke green, shaves off one of her eyebrows, replaces it with a winking tattoo of Linda Evangelista, and then declares the horrid aftermath “fierce.” Read More Recap: America’s Next Top Model, Episode 16.3, “‘A Little John Galliano Never Hurt Anybody.’ Right? RIGHT?!”