Shuffle: The Soundtrack of Grief

“Think of Me”

I remember coming home from school when I was seven. My mother would be at work by then. She would leave the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack playing on repeat and it would always be playing when I came home and walked into the living room. It felt as if she was still there. After a while it occurred to me that she was leaving it on so that her presence was felt when she couldn’t be there. As I got older, I’d put it on myself; I’d listen to it all the time. When I hear it I can nearly smell her rose perfume, I can see the reddish brown waves, the green eyes, and the twinkle in her smile. Her voice so clear and beautiful that she sounded like a professional singer. Continue reading

In Honor Of Mother’s Day: Taking A Break From The Guilt/Blame Cycle

Recently, I was interviewed for an article about HAES(SM), and the interviewer asked, “What was your earliest experience with dieting?”

I felt a little funny telling her that I did my first diet when I was 4 years old. Even though I include that fact in my biography, and I hear similar stories all day long in my practice, it still felt funny to say it. Continue reading

Happy Mother’s Day, from Your Estranged Daughter

Mother’s Day is difficult for me.

I was homeschooled until the second half of 8th grade, something that would never have been possible had my well-educated mother not been willing to spend all day, every day with me and my younger brothers. She drove us everywhere, said “yes” nearly every time I asked to have friends over, taught me as much as anyone, and, I’m sure, knew me better than most, maybe better than anyone.

All the same, I don’t think of us as ever having been close, and I remember very few quintessential Mother-Daughter Experiences shared by the two of us. Continue reading