The Shittiest Princess and the Real House Duchesses of Kingdomville

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. You can find the whole series here.

In the olden times, when nobody was there to make friends, the land of Kingdomville had the shittiest princess since Princess Always Suggests Kale. The shittiest princess, Princess Poot, was very awful — even though she would never eat kale.

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The Shittiest Princess and the Cats from Outer Space

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!  You can find the whole series here.

Back in the dark ages, when everyone squinted a lot, there lived the most fantastic princess of the century, Princess Poot. Fantastic as in “odd and remarkable; bizarre; grotesque.” She was once hung up on by a telemarketer for saying, “Hello, this is Princess Poot.”

The princess’s birthday came around, as it did most years. Blorgvember the first. As usual, Princess Poot had no date, for she was the shittiest princess, and she had yet to find a prince who enjoyed fantastic women with a penchant for collecting stuffed spiders.

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Prince Agnes and the Secret Cupcake Boyfriend

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!  You can find the whole series here.

In the happy land of Respectica, there once was born a lovely Poor named Agnes. There were lots of wealthy and powerful people in Respectica, but poor Poor Agnes just wasn’t one of them, damn it. So Agnes sought her fortune in the land of Kingdomville, where she became a hot-shit Prince by marrying Princess Poot, the shittiest princess. Kingdomville was an odd place, but not all bad. Disco Tuesdays were quite fun, and the local cupcakes were out of this world. Until Evil Queen Bucky came on the scene.

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The POOP of the Shittiest Princess

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!  You can find the whole series here.

Once inside a dungeon dreary, Princess Poot attended her appointment with the palace’s Fish Tank Scum Cleaning and Flipper-Tickling Minions for her monthly gill routing. Poot was the shittiest princess in the world, and not just because her gills were so prone to algae.

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Pooty and the Beast, Part Two

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!  You can find the whole series here

The first part of this Pooty story is here.

Poot pulled out a hairpin and expertly picked the lock of the mysterious locked room that must never be entered but there’s totally not anything weird in there. She’d had a lot of practice opening bolted doors, for during her twelfth year she’d grown so painfully awkward her father had locked her in a tall tower for the entire annum. Read More Pooty and the Beast, Part Two

Pooty and the Beast (Part 1)

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!  You can find the whole series here.

Once upon a fairy tale, there was an easy diet. Also, there lived a princess named Poot of Kingdomville, once named “Home of the Cutest Plague Victims” by Olde Tyme Diseases magazine. But no one would accuse Poot of being cute, even though her name rhymed with that word. Nope, Poot was unattractive, even on the insect scale. It was for this reason that Bucky, Poot’s obligatory evil stepmother, visited Poot’s dungeon dwelling one fine day.

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The Shittiest Princess and the Ouch! Crap! Noooooo! Day

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!  You can find the whole series here.

There once was a magical place called Kingdomville. (For the purposes of our story, “having a pretty nice skating rink” is the same as “magical.”) Read More The Shittiest Princess and the Ouch! Crap! Noooooo! Day

The Shittiest Princess and the Discount Hero

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!  You can find the whole series here.

Long ago, there dwelt a royal named after a fart. No, not Prince Harry, but Princess Poot of Kingdomville. Of all the shitty royals in history, Prince Har — Princess Poot was the shittiest, for she was terrible bad at Badminton, which had been named Goodminton before she took it up.

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