It’s that time of year, when a jolly person with dozens of elves employed in the empire of delivering joy to all the good girls and boys puts together The List to End All Lists. No, not the Naughty and Nice list (although who wouldn’t want to see Oprah’s? (Gayle – Nice. Nate – Nice. Doctor Poop – Nice. Dr. “Maury” Phil – naughty. James Frey – still naughy. Haters – very, very naughty.) It’s the holiday edition of Oprah’s Favorite Thingsâ„¢.
We at Persephone believe in taking one for the team. We cannot, however, afford to try all of Oprah’s favorite things. While we have dreams of rolling in Oprah money, most of us are underemployed. So we’re going to point and laugh at rich people presents. Oprah’s holiday Favorite Thingsâ„¢ contains several lists, including must-reads by Dr. Phil and Dr. Poop, but we’re going to stick with the list cultivated by Opes herself.
1. Get someone’s pet painted on a hideously ugly tray – $350
2. Expensive Lady Aging Cream Microdelivery Peel – $65
4. Owl pajamas ($68) – Oprah sent a pair to JK Rowling. (Disclosure, I’d totally buy these. Damn you Oprah.)
5. If your pet on a tray isn’t for you, get ’em sketched on a ridiculously priced notepad ($239 for 5), instead.
6. Keep track of the days with a calendar on an easel. ($125)
7. $tinky body wash and lotion. ($75-$85)
8. Tube o’ handmade Ginger Crisps ($19.50 for 2).
9. Carolina Sweet Potato Butter ($9) I’d totally buy this, too.
10. It’s not an Oprah list without something that says Oprah, so here she is narrating the Life documentary from The Discovery Channel ($39)
11. Wooden jewelry boxes ($185)