Thing 2: My couch, your mom, purple, fast, break, Huzzah! —> I am my purple couch, in the tradition of your fast mom. In other words, I break! Huzzah!
Today, and today only, we are running a two-for-one special on witty gentlemen. These two gentlemen are business partners and close friends. Trying to corner them one at a time, in hopes of getting answers uninfluenced by the other, proved to be impossible. We will call them Thing One and Thing Two to avoid confusion.
1. You’re running for Mayor, what’s your campaign slogan?
Thing 1: Free Coffee!
Thing 2: What he said.
2. You’re given a restaurant to run, but only have the resources to serve one entree, one side dish, one dessert and one beverage. What are they?
Thing 1: Pizza, Breadsticks, Cannoli and Iced Tea. Pizza has the highest profit margin of any restaurant food, and iced tea can be sweet or unsweet.
Thing 2: Tacos, with cheeseburgers on the side, coffee and pancakes for dessert
3. Cosmo claims it’s sexy for a woman to playfully slip her scrunchie ponytail holder around her lover’s member during foreplay. Is there any truth to this claim?
Thing 1: “Sex is like pizza. When it’s good, it’s REALLY good. When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.” I read that on Crazy Things Parents Say yesterday. It seems to apply.
Thing 2: I don’t think that’s sexy, but that’s just me.
4. What songs are on the mixtape you play when you want to get lucky?
Thing 1: Punk Rock Girl, Let’s Get it On – Jack Black’s version, Get Down Make Love, and Ministry’s “Twitch”
Thing 2: Pandora – “Dave Matthews” – go
5. What is the last book you read?
Thing 1: “Getting Things Done” by David Allen
Thing 2: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
6. You’re granted super hero status unexpectedly. What’s your name and what’s your superpower?
Thing 2: Oo! I want to be Peter Petreli from Heroes!
Thing 1: I want to be really cool, like Batman, but I’d probably be more like Mr. Furious [from the Mystery Men].
7. Mad Lib answer: Give me two nouns, two adjectives, a verb and an interjection.
Thing 1: Pie, tuna, spicy, goopy, poke, Smurf! —> I am a spicy pie, in the tradition of goopy tuna. In other words, I poke! Smurf!