This week’s smorgasbord of political odds-and-ends is brought to you by my short attention span. Plus, doesn’t it seem like lots of stuff is, y’ know, happening this week? It’s no ratification of a defense spending bill or passage of a long-overdue nuclear war treaty (hey, everyone’s too busy picking out the least offensive holiday knick-knack for the in-laws to bomb their frenemies anyway, amirite?), but for a Congress that might as well spend its sessions in a perpetual, partisan paintball war (face and groin shots highly favored, +10 for hitting that wily McCain who’s always changing the goalposts or declaring a rematch halfway through the game), it’s a nice little Christmas peace offering, like giving your kid a cat-shaped tin instead of the real cat they asked for (this happened to me).
Hackers Wreak Havoc in WikiLeaks’ Name
I usually get such a kick out of 4chan, but really guys? Denial-of-service attacking a Swiss bank, and jeopardizing the diamond stashes of the tech geeks you aspire to be? Not to mention hitting PayPal, which truly is America’s favorite way to pay? I know TumblrApocalypose 2010 was rough, but please, find a hobby, like playing that Free Rice game or learning a second language (no, binary code doesn’t count).
What I actually find really disturbing about all this hackage is that the NYT reports Facebook disbanded a group dedicated to the hackers, citing sensitivity to “content that includes pornography, bullying, hate speech, and threats of violence.” Um, right, don’t you mean content that shows breastfeeding mothers? Yes, there’s an argument that FB had a civic duty to ban the group in the name of discouraging crime, but puh-leeze. The ramifications for free speech rights on the internet (which lawyer Marcia Hofmann presciently describes as “only as strong as the weakest intermediary”) could be ginormous. So watch what you say, Persephonians.
Obama Caves on Tax-Cut Deal, Demonstrates to Children Everywhere that Tantrums Win Every Time
I can’t get on the Obamahate wagon, though I’m as disappointed by how far south this deal went as any sputtering, mystified liberal. I think Obama made the right decision–concessions had to be made in order to get anything done, particularly tax cuts for the middle class, what with the Republicans giving Dems the equivalent of the silent treatment. Plus there are worse things than extending tax cuts for the rich. Like lice, everyone in America getting lice–that would be the worst.
Also, without tax cuts all those Real Housewives of Wherethehellever might have to get jobs or forego a second winter vacation and then how would you entertain yourself, America? Watching the news? Scrapbooking? I didn’t think so.
Christine O’Donnell Has a Book Deal, or Fuck My Literary Aspirations
You heard it here first (unless you heard it somewhere else), Christine the ladybug-costume-wearing, masturbation-hating, Constitutional-amendment-forgetting ex-Senate-candidate is going to be bestowing her wordy wisdom on all of us poor, dumb schmucks who didn’t have the foresight to make fools of ourselves on the national stage. (Hemlock bar now open in the back – ed.)
Here’s to you, Christine–may you always conflate the death of thousands of soldiers with spending money on the unemployed, and may you never stoop so low as to boogy on Dancing with the Stars (“¦wait, I take that back).
DREAMs Really Do Come True!
Hold the phone people; the DREAM act just passed the House of Representatives! This really shouldn’t be such a big story, as it only makes sense to allow kids who are brought to the U.S. as minors a path to legal status (and it’s not like DREAM is making it easy for them; they don’t just have to memorize the names of Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria, they have to complete some college or join the service and potentially die for America), but hey, everything’s debatable when it involves people who’s skin is not Crayola “flesh”-colored.
Observation: anyone who claims voting against the spending bill with DADT attached was about anything but DADT just lost their last leg to stand on. Also, if this passes the Senate it’ll basically be a miracle. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but I really don’t see this going through, and that’s a shame.
DADT Vote On Hold While Reid Negotiates for Collins’ Soul
You can do it, Susan–imagine, documentaries will portray you as the 21st-century, gay rights equivalent of a suffragette, instead of the policy-making equivalent of a desperate three-point shot from half court in the last game of the NBA finals, the ball swishing around the rim while the crowd goes wild and then–ooooooh, it just fell out. Damnit.
You demanded the Bush tax cuts be extended before voting on DADT–Check!
You wanted to “ensure there is a fair process”–well, you’ll get to debate DADT, so Check!
Is Lisa Murkowski, the Republican with the hardest-to-spell last name and the most authentic claims to being anti-establishmentarian, in favor of repeal?–Check!
Did your camp already get their way by blocking bargaining rights for public safety workers and cost-of-living checks for Social Security recipients–Check!
Come on, Susan, the Senate has been kind to you. Give back a little.