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How to Loose 10 lbs in a Week

Somewhere on this page is a mispelled word. Can you find it?

When I was little I owned this book, Perplexing Puzzles & Tantalizing Teasers, by the great Martin Gardner. One of the puzzles asked, “Somewhere on this page is a mispelled word. Can you find it?” I only wish the misspellings I encounter daily on the internet were half so charming or subtle. Call me a pedant ““ call me elitist ““ but there are times, as I waste my day surfing the internet, when I can’t help but feel as though some commenters “have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.”

Take this exchange I stumbled upon today.

Help!! Need a diet that Works!

princess@france:  I need some advise on a diet. Specifacally I need a diet that will help me loose 10 pounds in a week

holo4nes: I lost fourty pounds in six weeks without dieting. Its easy I just ate vegitarian before 6pm

princess@france: What do mean you only ate beans all day? But I hate lentils lol!!

holo4nes: Honestly it takes a while for your palette to adjust, but once you get passed the first week, you’ll do it without even thinking about it. Its much healthier for you to loose weight slowly. If you lose too fast it will effect your metabolism.

princess@france: I know your right but I really need to loose 10 lbs in a week. I’m going to the beach with my friends and their all skinny!! I don’t want to be the wilderbeast in the bikini!

holo4nes: Hahah I am sure your beautiful.

princess@france: *blush* Thanks for the complement ““ but I’m not kidding I definately need to loose 10 pounds. Also I think its easier for a man to loose weight then a women.

holo4nes: It doesn’t matter whose got it easier. If you just eat less and exercise you will lose weight.

princess@france: *sigh* I guess your write. Its hard though.

holo4nes: The most important thing is learning to except your body. And eat five small meals a day.

princess@france: Thank you! I’m greatful for your help.

holo4nes: Your welcome. ;)

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And at this point I lost 10 lbs ““ when I threw my computer out the window.

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2 replies on “How to Loose 10 lbs in a Week”

@Meghan Williams – [Un]Fortunately not for real, but strongly inspired by the comment boards on Yahoo Answers (e.g. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AnFvzCAktQIAFLdio3pGShojzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20060808054452AAnagFi ) and its ilk. I kind of felt like a bitch writing it, because I realize many of these writers are ESL speakers or teens. But then the endless inane diet discussions studded with “loose/lose” sent me over the edge.

Is this for realsies? Like, people actually typed this on the internet? On the one hand, I know that internet users’ spelling and grammar isn’t the best, but on the other hand, this is bad, epically bad.

If you wrote it on the other hand, hats off for all the references to Lifehacker and their unhelpful dieting posts. I remember reading that article about the guy going 2/3 vegetarian or whatever–there was one line that went something like “and if you go out with a friend and eat meat for lunch, just call your wife and tell her not to make meat for dinner!” Maybe I’m exaggerating in hindsight, but it pissed me off.

Lastly, I like the handle “holo4nes” a lot.

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