This week’s gentleman is a nerdy-lawyer-type living in Our Nation’s Capital. My first (sober) conversation with him was about poetry, literature, and law. In the several years since, all of our biggest arguments have had to do with nerdy things (For example! He doesn’t like the Chronicles of Narnia!). I’ve dispensed with the usual lettering system of identification because he requested a cartoon moniker, and I was happy to oblige. Ladies, meet Professor Nerdasaurus.
(Also, he’s lying about number 3. “Teenage Dream” played at his wedding reception, and was the soundtrack to some inappropriate groomsman dancing. Shudder.)
1. You’ve been given the power to invent a new ice cream flavor, what is it and why?
Hmm…I didn’t realize that I was powerless to invent ice cream. But, I guess if I had the power, I would probably invent a sort of chicken dumpling ice cream, something that would go well with waffle cones.
2. You’re chosen to remake any movie originally made between 1975-1990. What movie do you remake and how do you cast it?
I would remake “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” and add the Pixar world of characters to Toontown. Imagine Toontown, inhabited by classic characters, resisting a takeover by Pixarport, led by an evil version of Buzz Lightyear. Ray Winstone, aged up, would play the son of the Eddie Valiant who’s trying to save Toontown. Add Allison Janney as his mature love interest. John Malkovich would turn as the villain. “Dip,” the corrosive green slime that dissolves cartoon characters, would make a second appearance.
Yep, or I would remake “Footloose” and cast Justin Bieber in the starring role. That’s what I’d do, but I’m kidding…that project is already underway.
3. What terrible song gets stuck in your head?
“Teenage Dream” by Katy Perry. I’m slow to pick up on new artists, and I confess that I was not aware of Katy Perry until she showed up in those Proactiv commercials. But now that song haunts my skin tight jeans.
4. Tell us about a woman who has been influential in your life.
My eighth-grade English teacher, Mrs. Allison, taught me to be less of a smartass. Though she only had a year to do it, she did half the job in that time. My wife finished the other half.
5. What’s your favorite joke?
Whatever Charlie Sheen says today. I love his openly antagonistic and mean-spirited behavior, and I particularly enjoy the reaction of the media. Mary Hart would club Reese Witherspoon senseless with her microphone to get a comment on whether Reese would play the role of “conservative mom” in Justin Bieber’s Footloose remake. But, according to her, Charlie Sheen is obviously out of control. Even though he doesn’t even swear in his radio interviews. Winner.
6. A band is now following you around performing your personal soundtrack wherever you go, who are they, and what are they playing?
Because I’m a piano player, that band is a piano trio. Mostly playing jazz fusion.
7. Mad libs question! Give me the following:
Body part: Fibula
Food: Chicken Sticks
Celebrity: William Dafoe
My best feature is my derelict fibula, which has been compared to demure chicken sticks. Willem Dafoe may scare mightily, but I abide dutifully!
Image Credit: Creativecartoons.org