I realized in a panic yesterday that I forgot to recruit a fella to answer our potentially embarrassing and always delightful seven questions, so I sent out the emergency beacon. (It’s like the bat signal, but shaped like a pomegranate.) Two friends replied like the awesome dudes they are, so we’re set for the next two weeks.
Are you a witty gentleman? Do you know one? Send us an email to contribute @ persephonemagazine.com and we’ll send you seven questions that may or may not be similar to those below, depending on our mood and just how witty we think you are.
1. You’ve been given the power to invent a new ice cream flavor, what is it?
Peanut butter and ‘nanner sandwich with honey. TCB, baby.
2. You’re chosen to remake any movie originally made between 1975-1990. What movie do you remake an how do you cast it?
Let me first state that I do not believe a good movie should ever be remade, so if I am going to remake a movie the original must have had potential but was found lacking. As a huge fan of Frank Herbert’s book Dune I would remake that turd laid by David Lynch in 1984. I could care less about the casting, however. The cast Lynch had would have been great had he just stuck to the freakin book rather than making me sit through some half-baked psychedelic steaming pile he must have dreamed up while smoking mummified donkey schlongs. Don’t mess with my books….
Or I guess I would remake Attack of The Killer Tomatoes and cast Lindsay Lohan as a tomato.
3. What terrible song gets stuck in your head?
My head is a non-stop jukebox spanning decades and genres that changes songs with the slightest provocation, so unfortunately the stupid song stuck in my head now is Rumors by Lindsay Lohan. Make the pain stop!!!!
4. Tell us about a woman who has been influential in your life.
The most influential woman in my life has been my mom. She is a tomboy from the sticks of Kentucky who grew up playing in the woods with her 6 brothers and 5 sisters. She taught me how to play sports, shoot weapons, respect the outdoors and live life with a fire lit under my tush. She also modeled a passion of reading that i picked up and she pounded into my head that I should never be afraid to be smart. Thanks mom.
5. What’s your favorite joke?
A skeleton walks into a bar and says “I need a drink and a mop”.
6. A band is now following you around performing your personal soundtrack wherever you go, who are they, and what are they playing?
Prince is playing the album Sign O The Times. The title track speaks to my involvement in social issues, “Housequake” to my love of funk and dance, “Starfish and Coffee” to my quirky geekdom, “The Cross” to my faith, “Forever in My Life” to way I want to feel about love, “If I Was Your Girlfriend” to the quandry of being lovers and best friends, and “It” to the downright carnal side I will share with my wife if I am fortunate enough to find her. However at that point Mr. Prince and his curvaceous dancers will need to step out of the room. And shut the door.
7. Mad libs question! Give me the following:
Body part: clavical
Celebrity: Chuck Norris
My best feature is my cloistered clavicle, which has been compared to capricious celery. Chuck Norris may carve coaxingly, but I can chop cautiously.
Gentleman A gets bonus points for alliteration, but we’re in editorial deadlock as to whether to add or subtract those points.