Watching the Oscars tonight? Join us here as we watch the 83rd annual Academy Awards, starting with the red carpet. Feel free to discuss your favorite fashion, award picks, and awful pre-written presenter banter in the comments.I’m PoM, and I’ll be covering the red carpet, watching the E! broadcast. This should be interesting, since Giuliana Rancic and Ryan Seacrest both make me unreasonably angry, and my pop culture knowledge is kind of iffy at times. Bear with me, though, I’m lounging around my house in my vintage Valentino, bottle of bubbly in hand*, ready to share my impressions of the stars, the fashion, and the horribly awkward red carpet interviews.
6:00: Seacrest, you bug me. Twilight moment? NO1CURR, Seacrest. Jennifer Lawrence in a simple and pretty Calvin Klein red dress. I only sort of know who she is. Oh, and here’s Giuliana, whose dress looks like it’s covered in OPI Black Shatter, and Kelly Osbourne, who has my Nana’s bouffant.
6:05: A Natalie Portman montage, including how much you can see of her “bump” in each outfit. I hate the phrase “baby bump.” Oh, and the prediction polls. Why do they still do those? Josh Hutcherson from The Kids are All Right. Melissa Leo, Cheryl Hines, and the girl from True Grit all have lovely dresses. Commercial.
6:12: Oh, Melissa Leo. I love her, but I think the dress is going to be unpopular, with the high neck and the mirrors. She seems to be unimpressed with the Seacrest. Good girl. In the background: Mila Kunis arriving in lavender. I can’t tell if I like it. Armie Hammer from The Social Network. Seacrest pre-interviewing James Franco and Anne Hathaway. Anne’s highlights are lovely. James is looking at Ryan like he’s an alien, and refusing to make eye contact or speak.
6:23: Hailee Steinfeld from True Grit looks lovely and age-appropriate. Seacrest isn’t being creepy, which is a nice change. Aw, she’s excited that her name was on the Goodyear blimp. Florence Welch. I do not love this gold-yellow thing she’s wearing. Michelle Williams arriving. She looks beautiful.
6:26: Mila Kunis. I don’t totally love the dress, but the lavender color is pretty, and her hair and makeup look great. Ugh. I hate when they ask the actors and actresses how they lost a ton of weight. Amy Adams arriving. Aw, sweetie, I wore a necklace over my high-necked dress to my senior prom. In 1995. It was a bad idea then, as it is now.
6:32: Mandy Moore in a Monique Lhullier gold dress, which is pretty, but her hair and makeup are a bit milkmaid-ish, and her lipstick’s a little orangey. Russell Brand and his mom. Excuse me, mum. Awkward “How do you keep a long-distance marriage?” banter.
6:37: I just had to bring my dogs out, and paused on the MOST AWKWARD freeze-frame of Giuliana and Kelly. Aw, Michelle Williams in Chanel. Lots of dresses with sleeves tonight. She also seems not amused with the Seacrest.
6:40: Amy Adams. Yeah, the necklace was a bad idea. Anne Hathaway arriving, predictably in classic red, but she looks beautiful. Jennifer Hudson, also in red. So far, lots of classic red, and lots of sleeves and gold/champagne/white/ivory beading.
6:43: Zachary Levi. I love him. There’s not much to say about the guys’ outfits. Tuxes. Whee. Mark Ruffalo arriving. More Giuliana and Kelly blah blah blah.
6:50: Seriously? There’s another whole hour of the red carpet? I need more booze. Mark Ruffalo with Seacrest. Jesse Eisenberg arriving. Tuxes, tuxes, tuxes.
6:55: Geoffrey Rush. Love him. Cate Blanchett arriving. Her dress appears to be a giant pastel cameo brooch? I don’t get it. Jeremy Renner arriving. Jennifer Hudson in Versace, which is apparently “tangerine” and not red like I thought. She looks lovely, but I hope her double-sided tape is strong.
7:00 Jeremy Renner. Scarlett Johansson arriving. Not sure what I think about her dress. It’s maroon-y. And I forgot that she and Ryan Reynolds got divorced. Kevin Spacey! Hi! I’m sorry you have to talk to Seacrest. Marisa Tomei arriving. Her dress fits kind of oddly. I think I like it better in theory. Justin Timberlake arriving.
7:10: WHY IS THIS GOING ON FOREVER? Twilight musical moment? Kill me. I’m Team SHUT THE HELL UP. Seacrest and JT. Justin’s really grown on me over the years. He doesn’t take himself so seriously.
7:12: I’m just choosing to pretend that the Giuliana and Kelly moments aren’t happening. They bore me to tears. My dog has climbed on my lap, wrinking my Valentino, and is snoring. You and me both, pup.
7:19: Helena Bonham Carter. She looks slightly less bizarre than usual. She looks annoyed to be discussing her dress. Hilary Swank, in silver. Andrew Garfield arriving. Nicole Kidman and her husband, the country singer with the hair. Colin Firth arriving. Call me, Colin!
7:22: Steven Spielberg and his 14-year-old daughter. Sweet. How many times do we need to see Jennifer Lawrence and her red dress? It’s pretty. Move on. Helen Mirren arriving. She’s stunning. Someone just walked by her in a turquoise cut-out thing. Ugh. Celine Dion. Go away, please. Halle Berry arriving in champagne beading and lots of tulle. Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz. So much good-looking in one place.
7:27: HUGE ACKMAN! I love you Hugh! He looks FINE tonight! BALE BALE BALE BALE BALE ARRIVING!!! In all black, with the beard and moustache not quite at Jesus-length, but covering most of his beautiful face.
7:31: Josh Brolin. Tux. Reese Witherspoon arriving. I like her dress and her hair. She looks classic. Academy Award director guy. Meh. Where did Bale go? Matthew McConaughey. BO-ring. Gwyneth. Also boring. Why so much boring?
7:37: BALE BALE BALE BALE SHUT UP BALE IS ON. I love his Welsh accent. He looks like he’s having so much fun. Oh, Seacrest, you did not just dismiss the Bale for Sandra Bullock (in classic red, like everyone else). She looks lovely, though.
7:41: Donald Trump. Go away. Oh, hi, RDJ. He seems subdued. More commercials. I’m so bored.
7:48: Mark Wahlberg. He’s so sweet with his wife and talking about his kids. Everyone seems to be arriving too quickly now for them to keep up with, but they keep cutting to Giuliana and Kelly. Ten more minutes of this torment.
7:57: Natalie Portman. I was kind of hoping she’d stay off my TV. DID YOU KNOW SHE’S PREGNANT? THERE’S A BABY IN THERE. IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW. Her dress is OK, I guess.
FINALLY, the E! coverage is ending. Apparently the damn awards don’t start for another half hour, but I need a drink and a break, so I’ll be handing the reins over to La Belle AmÃ©lie, who’ll be guiding you through the actual awards.
Hey guys! This is La Belle Amelie, I am here to guide you through this momentous event that will in now way impact our daily lives outside of stealing a few hours of my life. Lets get started! First off I am watching it on ABC, so this will be interesting, that is also a place you can watch it in 23 min. I promise to grab some hilarious photos that are sure to pop up for you guys as well.
I am also posting from Central time so bear with me!
7:11- So this extra 30 min killing me. I just want to get the awards started. Is anyone else annoyed?! I switched from E! since I can no longer stand Giuliana and Ryan Seacrest. ABC also has Tim Gunn. I want that man to officiate my wedding. True story.
7:16- Sorry the server is moving a little slow on me. Here is my favorite picture so far from tumblr. James Franco was so high during that short interview, we all know it. I mean just look at that!
7:21- Come on commercials! Lets get this started! I swear if the Social network makes a sweep, I am going to hurt somebody.
7:27- It is going to start!!!! It is going to start!!!!
7:28: Here are what I want to win/ my predictions. Ready to get this started?
Best Picture – The King’s Speech
Best Actor – Colin Firth, The King’s Speech
Best Actress – Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Best Supporting Actor – Christian Bale, The Fighter
Best Supporting Actress – Hailee Stienfeld, True Grit
Best Director – David Fincher, The Social Network (not to my liking, but, it will happen I am sure)
Best Adapted Screenplay – Inception
Best Original Screenplay – The Social Network
Best Animated Film – Toy Story 3
Best Cinematography – Inception
Best Editing – The Social Network
Best Art Direction – Inception
Best Costume Design – Alice in Wonderland
Best Makeup – The Wolfman
Best Original Score – Hans Zimmer, Inception
Best Original Song – Tangled
Best Sound Mixing – Inception
Best Visual Effects – Inception
7:32- This opening sequence is kinda hilarious…
7:35- Morgan Freeman narrating the dream…. Well that is just silly, everyone knows that James Earl Jones narrates the real dreams.
7:37- Yes, I am so going to say that to someone who tells me about their dreams, “You just got inceptioned”!
7:39- Ok James Franco starts out being a creeper, and looks as high as a kite.
7:39- Worst banter goes to… James Franco and Anne Hathaway! But her mom is cute for standing up! So is his grandma. I love her Marky Mark comment, say hello to your motha for me!
7:42- Hello Tom Hanks. You now only make me think of this…
Art Direction- Alice In Wonderland! That movie was amazing, I love love love the things that Tim Burton does. He just lets his artists go wild, so this is amazing.
7:46- Cinematography!!!!!- Inception!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg!!!!!!!!!!! So happy!!!!!!!!!
7:51- Kirk Douglas, I once had a conversation with my best friend’s mother about how she doesn’t think Catherine Zeta Jones deserves to be Kirk Douglas’ daughter-in-law. There ends my story. Look how adorable he is! I love his poking fun at Hugh Jackman and him laughing at Colin firth.
Best Supporting Actress- Melissa Leo (We know now I am bummed Hailee didn’t get it, I liked The Fighter, but not as much as I liked True Grit)
Gifs are now popping up. Love!
8:01- Ha! No Justin! You aren’t Banksy! He isn’t even there as far as I know. Didn’t they tell him he couldn’t come masked? So he opted not to come…
8:03- Best Animated Short Film- The Lost Thing. I wish there was a way to see these smaller films that are nominated. I don’t know of a way to see some of them though.
8:05- I hope Toy Story wins, but Tangled and How To Train Your Dragon were so amazing!
Best Animated Film- Toy Story 3!!!!!!!! Only took 11 years for that to come out past 2!
8:08- Helena and I feel the same way about Melissa Leo….. Yay gifs!
8:13- HOLY WHITE SUITS BATMAN! WHAT IS GOING ON?!
8:14- Of course Adaptation goes to Aaron Sorkin… ugh, I am not amused…
8:17- Original Screenplay- (PLEASE INCEPTION!!!!!!)……….. The King’s Speech! I will take it! But Inception will forever be in my heart. I assume this gif is now appropriate…
8:23- I love love love this joke at Hugh Jackman’s expense. Lets be honest, we all wanted him to perform in some way. Oh dear lord! James Franco in drag, not as good looking as he has in drag… Thank goodness we are moving on.
Helen Mirren and Russel Brand… odd combination. She is such a bad ass though.
8:27- Best Foreign Language- In a Better World, I so called that one. They won the globe too.
8:29- When is the first performance going to happen? This may be unpopular, but I am not a fan of Reese’s outfit. I kinda think it is tragic and reminiscent of my mother’s old 90’s gowns that she went to fancy parties in.
8:34- Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale, I saw that one coming too. Jesus Bale for the win! He was really really good in The Fighter, but lets be honest, because I am a fan he is good in anything. I mean come on, he is Batman!
8:39- Two Aussies on the stage! Yesss finally to music! I know this is going to sound so stupid, but I once had a Gymnastics recital to the music of Star Wars, I was that much of a nerd when I was little.
8:42- Hans Zimmer! Hans Zimmer!!!! Please God let him get it!!!!! He is a Boss! He has to win!
8:44- MOTHER ************************* ********** ************** ********************* This is not happening! Not at all! I can’t handle this shiz!!!!! This is honestly not happening!
8:44- Sorry, Best Score goes to Trent Reznor and some other guy who I don’t care anything about.
8:47- Sound Mixing- Inception!!!! At least they got something!
8:49- Sound Editing- Inception!!!! Count that! Three so far!
8:54- I am the the odd person out. I love Marisa Tomei’s dress.
8:56- Best Makeup- The Wolfman. Loved Cate Blanchett’s “gross”. Classic!
8:58- Costume Design- Colleen Atwood. We also knew that was going to her too. Hasn’t she won a million? Ohhh wait her third. Yea, woman is a shoo in when nominated.
9:02- The original song montage was adorable, I actually started tearing up. As Time Goes by is one of my favorite songs. I sang it at a friend’s wedding, I cry all the time over it. Randy Newman! First performance of the night! He is so fabulous, I love his voice, it is so comforting. Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi! They are so cute! She looks so pretty and he is adorable in his nerdiness. I also concur, Zach makes my ovaries explode.
9:11- OMG! Call me Jake Gyllenhaal! (does anyone remember that SNL skit?! I always think about that). Not going to lie, I wish he would dress up like the Prince from Prince of Persia all the time… He was super gorgeous in that.
Documentary Short Subject- Strangers No More.
9:14- Best Live Action Short Film- God Of Love. Adorable! “Should have got a hair cut.” The people that are not well known winning are the best part for me. You see the excitement, the panic, the adorableness, I could go on and on.
9:19- Love that Anne just shoot it for that dress. Had I done that in heels I would have fallen flat on my ass. Unfortunate side effect of having bad luck.
9:20- Oprah!!!! Hello Oprah!
9:21- Best Documentary Feature- Inside Job. Can I say that I think it is a conspiracy that Banksy didn’t win cause he wanted to come masked but the AA wouldn’t let him. Whoa! Ballsy statement mister! I agree, but whoa!
9:23- Were all of you upset that Oprah didn’t start giving Oscars all away?! “Look under your seats! Everyone in the audience gets an Oscar!”
Yes this was the best part of the Autotune segement:
9:27- Ok can we get this thing moving! I am getting tired and this needs to be sped up! Ha! Billy Crystal knows how I feel! Lets speed this up! Come on!
9:29- Blah blah blah, lets keep going! I can’t do this for long!
9:31- FINALLY RDJ! He better create some awesome gifs like he did for the Golden Globes. He is witty and charming! Ok that was a good one Jude Law! I can’t wait for the next Sherlock Holmes. Also if this doesn’t go to Inception the world has lost its brains.
Best Visual Effects- Inception!!!!!! F-Yea!
Film Editing- Social Network….. fine they can have that one. All the others I am still pissed about.
9:42- A. R. Rahman is brilliant in his compositions. Like the whole soundtrack for Slumdog Millionaire was on repeat for a month on my ipod.
9:44- I will never be a fan of Gynnie, no matter what anyone says. Her new “singing” career doesn’t help her case either. I think it is all her GOOPiness that makes me dislike her.
9:45- Best Original Song- We Belong Together- Toy Story 3. Unpopular opinion, I love Randy Newman.
9:53- Death montage- I tear up. Thanks Celine.
10:01- Anne… Anne… Anne… that dress…
10:02- Best Director- Tom Hooper, The King’s Speech! The movie was amazing, well deserved Oscar! “Triangle of Man love!” “Helena I hope that statement doesn’t make you jealous!” This guy is awesome!
10:07- Lifetime Achievement award. I love those three men, they are amazing. True story, my friend’s parents owned the Horse from the Black Stallion (he died a long time ago though) and they still get Christmas cards from Francis Ford Coppola.
10:13- Annette Benning is a boss. I want Nicole Kidman’s Necklace. Why did Jennifer Lawrence wear the dress version of a Baywatch Bathing suit? Natalie, I am sure she is going to win, if she doesn’t I will be shocked. Shocked. Michelle Williams… Blue Valentine was amazing, if you haven’t seen it, go see it!
Best Actress- Natalie Portman. I am so proud of her. BUT WTF? Why did she drag her fiancee up there?! Please no awkward sex mentions in your speech. That was a cute mention of her baby! Her best job of her life! Cute.
10:19- Sandra Bullock! Best Actor now: Javier Bardem, I wish I had seen this movie to judge. Jeff Bridges, it would be cool if he won twice in a row. True Grit was good, and I have seen both, they are great versions of each other. Jesse Eisenberg, I really didn’t care for The Social Network, but he was good in it. Though I do think he is like Michael Cera, in that he only plays one role, himself. Colin Firth, I thin he is the solid winner here. James Franco, yep, he is high as a kite. That is all I have to say about him.
Best Actor- Colin Firth, The King’s Speech! If you haven’t seen it, go see it! Worth every penny.
Yea! He totally deserves it!
10:32- Best Picture time!!!! Last one of the night!!! Hello Stephen, lets get this over with.
Best Picture: The King’s Speech!!!!!! Called it! Great movie!
10:36- Ok make this quick! I want to see PS 22!
10:39- Those kids are so freaking cute! I love that they are labeled according to their part!!!! This needs to be a repeat for any Oscar montage!
Now I do my obligatory support the arts plug. Kids like these should be supported all the time. The Arts are important!
OK! THE AWARDS ARE OVER! I am peacing out! have a wonderful night and we will see you tomorrow morning! This is La Belle Amelie saying “Good night, and good luck!”