Walt Disney is…

My family just got back from a trip to Disneyworld. My daughter, minisparks, had a gymnastics meet at the Wide World of Sports and neither she nor I had ever been. I have been to Disneyland, but Disneyland is sortof like Arena Football to the NFL.

Instead of boring everyone with a play-by-play of every single thing that happened to us during our 5 day trip, I’ve decided to list, in no particular order, my thoughts on the whole experience.

  • The bathrooms are the cleanest, most well-maintained public restrooms I’ve ever seen.
  • Almost all of the Disneyworld visitors are dressed from the same store in the mall.
  • Unless, of course, they are from South America or Europe, where their fashions are, well”¦more varied.
  • By day 2, minisparks and I had to restrain ourselves from socking any Disney staffer in the kisser who referred to her as a “˜Pretty, Pretty Princess.’
  • I am creeped out by adults as excited about Disneyworld as my 8 year old kid. The whole “˜everyone is a kid’ mantra is bullshit. No, you’re a 45 year old man with a graying moustache, you should not be that excited to see Pluto., the DOG.
  • The thrill rides were pretty awesome ““ I highly recommend Space Mountain, Tower of Terror and Rock n Rollercoaster
  • Walt Disney and his family must have money than Warren Buffett, as I’ve never had to spend so much money on so little in my whole life.
  • The Animal Kingdom is generally racist in its portrayal of people around the world.
  • If another person told me to have a magical day, I was going to scream.
  • It’s a Small World needs a serious cultural upgrade. That was one of the most racist rides/experiences I’ve ever seen.
  • Disneyworld has fantastic customer service. I wonder if those people are paid enough to be that happy.
  • Watching the performers during all the shows made me depressed.
  • Captain EO is amazing.
  • I began to feel like a herded cattle waiting for rides.
  • Children should never be on leashes. If you can’t keep up with a 4 year old, you have bigger fish to fry.

Now, don’t get me wrong. My daughter truly did have a magical time. She rode Space Mountain 5 times and Rock N Rollercoaster 3 times. She loved the auto stunt show.  We stayed at an awesome hotel with a lazy river and lots of other kids. I just don’t know how people can actually afford such an endeavor as a family vacation. Also, maybe I’m a jaded asshole, but I don’t find standing in line for the Lion King 20 minute medley relaxing or enjoyable for vacation. I am not a parent who believes you need to change your life or activities for children and adult parents. Children can enjoy going to a museum just as much as adults can enjoy going to an amusement park. Family vacations have become the place where adult souls go to die.

Luckily, my soul didn’t die at Disneyworld. My bank account did, but my soul is still fairly intact. I am pretty sure, however, that I will never have to do that again. I think my dues, as a mom of a young child, have been official paid in full.

2 replies on “Walt Disney is…”

Oh thank you for this recap! We are going in May– for an Orlando vacation that will involve probably one day of visiting the mouse. I honestly have no desire to do any more than that, no do I have the bank account to pull it off.

Most of our vacation destinations have involved being outside and historical sites. It’s sort of like opening Pandora’s box, but I do kind of want to see them wowed by seeing the characters in person. I don’t think the adults in my party will be wowed, but you never know….

Oh man, Disney World… the feelings I have about that place. I have a good friend that works there as a Face Character and the rules and regulations they have about EVERYTHING are mind boggling. From their appearance to the interactions with children and parents, if you do something wrong, immediate firing.

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