Open Thread

Open Thread: Dance Party Edition

That’s right, friends and lovers, I can pander to my audience. It’s 10 p.m., and I don’t know where my children are because I don’t have any.

Anyhoo, what better way to kick off the night than with some late-’90s dance action? This song brings me back to high school dances so hard I can practically smell the floor varnish and smuggled booze. So give a listen, reminisce, and get your chat on. See you tomorrow!

Photo: Getty

45 replies on “Open Thread: Dance Party Edition”

Anyone have any brand recommendations for external hard drives?

I’m looking at this Seagate one:

And this Western Digital one:

I’ve never owned one before, but it’s definitely time. These are the same price with the same overall rating on amazon, so I’d like to crowdsource some additional advice.

I have no idea how much is too much to push on an interracial relationship where my partner’s culture is much more given to “respecting the wishes of parents” and the wishes of his parents, in this case, do not involve most of the things I want out of life (small secular wedding, living together before marriage, raising the kids with both religions). I feel so guilty, sometimes, for getting so frustrated and hurt at him for not making more of an effort to make his family get to know me as a PERSON, or worrying that he will never stand up to them on varying issues that will crop up when we get married.

I feel like I’ve made a concentrated effort to be polite, respectful, learn about their culture and religion, I always bring a little gift of food with me when I go to their house, I’m planning to start learning their language once I’m done with the bar exam, etc. But I also have my own expectations and culture and religion. How much is too much? Am I being unfair? When we started dating he told me he respected his parents but led his own life and was his own person. We want the same things, but his parents don’t. What is a good balance?

I feel your pain. I’m in an interracial/intercultural/interfaith couple as well.

It’s true that there are often moments when a little light bulb goes off in my head and I start to ask myself questions about “down the road”… Down the road, if/when we have children, how is religious education going to factor in? Down the road, if/when we have a formal wedding reception, do I REALLY have to cut out the open bar for my friends and family just to respect their religion (they’re Muslim)?

I think these are ultimately just the kinds of questions people face when they’re in a relationship that bridges cultures. I’ve been lucky that my S.O. disagrees with a lot of the silly customs from his home, and, though he deeply respects them, will openly challenge his parents when something doesn’t make sense.

I’m sorry it seems like your boyfriend’s parents’ expectations are dominating your relationship. Have you talked with him about it? Does he have any opinions about these issues one way or another? Will it really be the end of the world if he goes against his parents’ wishes on one (or many) of the problems you mentioned above?

If you ever want to vent about the joys of intercultural relationships, I’m always looking for people to commiserate with!

We have talked about it extensively, unfortunately. The problem is that we want the same things, and he always jokes that he’s even “whiter” than I am (he’s Indian, his parents are Jains). He eats chicken and fish and wants a small, secular wedding. We’ve agreed that if we ever have kids they will be raised with both Judaism and Jainism, maybe not practicing, but at least with the knowledge of both. I probably know more about his religion than he does at this point, because he is just not interested in it, while I have been reading up because I want to understand his parents and culture better.

So while we are on the same page in our own attitudes, he is SO afraid of what his parents will think or how they will react (it has been guardedly positive so far) that he just ends up inert, never challenging them, or even bringing it up. :(

We’re having yet another talk today because I don’t think I can deal with always wondering if I am going to be #2 in his life or if he will have my back if his parents and I disagree about something. You’re very lucky that your boyfriend is willing to challenge them on things when he doesn’t agree. That amount of trust must be a huge relief at least. :(

Definitely! Me too.

As far as the wedding is concerned, do you think they’d settle for a “hybrid” wedding? You know, adopting rituals or aspects of a traditional Jain wedding and doing a fusion with your ideal vision of a wedding? It may not be as “secular” as you were originally hoping for, but it could also prove to be a great experience for your friends and family who may not be as familiar with Jainism or your boyfriend’s culture. Hell, I’d love to go to that kind of a wedding!

Also, judging by the way you’re talking, it sounds like his folks live nearby. I was going to say, though, that if they did live far away, maybe you could help your boyfriend build a more convincing argument for living together pre-marriage (i.e. save money to pay for said “hybrid” wedding!)

Just some ideas… and chin up. Having dated both Indians and Arabs, I’m all-too-familiar with pushy parents. But I think that if you really show that your making the effort (which it seems like you are), they’ll have to cut you and (your boyfriend by association) a bit of slack. It’d be one thing if he was with an Indian girl who came from the same background, but they obviously can’t expect you to see things 100% their way, and vice versa. And that’s the beauty of intercultural relationships, IMO.

Well, the problem is that I have a feeling they’re going to expect to be able to invite 500 of their closest friends and family for a three day religious ceremony, at the bride’s family’s expense, haha. I’m not sure how willing they would be to compromise (which is why eloping sometimes seems easier). A Jewish/Jain wedding would be pretty interesting though.

We live in the more downtown area of the city and they live about 20 minutes away in the suburban outskirts. :( I definitely agree about that being the awesome part of intercultural relationships, but when you’re dealing with parents who expect things a certain way and no other way, it can also be one of the biggest headaches. I’m hoping our discussion tonight goes well at least. I need to feel sure he will at least have my back in these situations.

Ooh, ouch! A 3 day wedding? I feel you on that. I’ve been told that traditional Tunisian weddings are 7 days! Which is largely why we DID end up eloping! (Although we’ll definitely do a more “proper” ceremony later).

Do you think they’d still insist on a HUGE ceremony if they were expected to foot the bill? I mean, as much as the prospect of being told what to do for 3 days sucks, maybe the compromise is to do the three days at their expense, and then tack on a fourth day which is entirely your own? Although, gosh, even I’m feeling exhausted just thinking about it!

Yeah, there are a ton of religious rituals that have to be performed, which is also why I’m not totally positive if mixing the two styles would work. Also yikes–seven days is even worse. :(

They don’t have a lot of money, either… so I would feel weird even bringing it up. I guess I’ll worry about that hurdle when I come to it!

Fell over this morning and smashed my right wrist underneath me! Owwww fuckity ow ow ow. It swelled up really huge for a while but is settling down now, full range of movement etc, so I’m not worried, but gargh it huuuurts. I had to have my sister email the volunteer office that I was supposed to go into this morning and say “Hey, she’s bailing because she can’t lift things” and now I’m on-campus while she has her voice lesson.

She even had to help me get my bra on because there was no way I could reach around my back and do all the fiddly movements to get it fastened. Thank you, sistermydear.

I hope this day improves.

Bossman is having A Day already, which mean the rest of us are also having A Day. Urg. One of my staff and I were chatting about it, and I remarked at least Awful Former COS isn’t still here. Whenever I’m feeling overstressed or overwork, I remind myself of that. Somehow, it makes me feel a little better.

Doods! I just got a job! It only lasts about 2 1/2 months, but it’s a job. I’m going to be working one on one with a child with special needs (that’s why it’s so short, it’s just through the rest of the school year). I’m so happy! It’ll also finally give me experience in the school system which I so desperately need.

I was going to ask if someone knows brands for baking ingredients and stuff like that – I’m doing a little research on that subject.

But I’ll keep you in mind, if I should go over there for a weekend – Helsinki is definitly on the list ;). How was your trip?

I’m staying up late and beginning my fifth or sixth viewing of Slings and Arrows from start to finish. IF YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS SERIES GO TO NETFLIX INSTANT POST-HASTE. It is absolutely glorious.

Plus, Rachel McAdams in the first season? ADORABLE BEYOND FREAKING WORDS.

I don’t get capslock-y very often. . .this show is my happy place.

Stupid, Erinna, silly stupid girl. You know better than to get into fights with people on Facebook fan pages.

Still, I’d think that someone who’s a fan of “Gay Marriage for New York” would know better than to claim that binational gay couples don’t deserve to not have to worry about the immigrant partner being deported thanks to DOMA, and that Americans should worry about “our own people.”

We are planning on getting married in August at the courthouse, and maybe having a small dinner afterward with family. My future mother-in-law really wants to give me a bridal shower. The problem is that this will be my 2nd marriage. I got married over 10 years ago when I was way too young and so I already did the whole deal- bridal shower, 150 guests at the wedding, big white dress, etc. So even though it was a decade ago, I don’t feel like it is “right” for me to have another party and take gifts from people again. I’m not sure how to articulate this to his mom without sounding ungrateful, but the idea of a shower makes me uncomfortable. Ideas?

Mr. Lawyermama’s plane was supposed to arrive at 10 30. It is now scheduled to land at 12 30 tonight (this morning?). It was delayed because they couldn’t find a FLIGHT CREW. This is the second delay he’s had this trip for this reason. WTF, people who schedule these things?

Also, feel like a huge jerk because LawyerBaby is asleep, and our babysitter generously offered to come over and watch him while I picked up the Mr. She is being super nice and insisting on still coming over, but now she’ll be getting home a good 2 hours later than her original offer considered. Good thing I picked up flowers for her today.

I get really excited about the idea of having a wedding. I used to think it’d be a big, expensive production, but now I think it will be a medium-sized, couple thousand dollar, part-DIY awesome production.

I’m nowhere near getting married, but I like thinking about the wedding.

So, I posted this on tumblr but no one came to my rescue–PM will not load for me at work. It still comes up with the “moving servers” thing. If I click on a link from twitter, it just says “server not found.” I tried on Firefox and Safari with no luck. Is this completely weird?

Oh no! Some of us editors were having this problem too. Ophelia even deleted that image from our server, but still it remains. It’s a ghost image and it frightens us.

In all seriousness, you could try clearing your cache/deleting cookies? I don’t know what those things mean but they were discussed over email yesterday and seemed to have worked for most people. (Yeah, I’m not sure why they let me work here, either.)

Let me know if it still doesn’t work for you!

Thanks! I was actually trying to get around not deleting my cache/cookies, since my work comp has all that crap stored and I don’t want to have to re-enter. But that’s all in Firefox, so I thought it was strange that I specifically opened Safari, which wouldn’t load it either.

My home computer is a PC, and work is Mac. I’m at home and everything is fine!

I’ll experiment tomorrow and let you know. I’m not very smart with computers, but I’m better with Macs, which is why it’s weird that this stupid old PC is the only one making sense right now!

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