Tentacles, Disembodied Tongues, and the Horn of Plenty

We often talk about how we think it’s important to be able to laugh about sex. Also, I’m still scrambling to finish the rough draft of my thesis, so I wanted something entertaining but quick to talk about. (NSFW sex toy pictures and links, so beware!)I know we promised this last week, but next week we will be back answering the questions from you all that we’ve been saving – we have a few serious questions, and I thought it would be best to answer those when we can dedicate the amount of thought and time to them that they deserve.

We read a lot of different blogs, and we read a lot about sex – you know, purely research purposes so we can keep you as informed as possible. But one of our favorite blogs is Scary Sextoy Friday. Created and run by “writer, editor, and online smut peddler” Molly Mounds, it’s been around since 2009 and is updated weekly with all the awkward/frightening/uncomfortable/strange sex toys you never knew and were better off not knowing existed. What has come to be known as the fisthorn of fail (actual marketing name: the horn of plenty) started the whole thing, and the blog has covered everything from blow-up dolls to extremely ambitious dildos for Avatar fans to vibrators you probably don’t really want getting anywhere near your junk.

Hopefully you aren’t reading this at work – but even if you are, it seems quite possible that nobody would know that what you’re looking at are sex toys.

Some of these toys actually seem like good ideas – plenty of people enjoy being able to try out different sensations via vibrator attachments or toys that emulate oral sex. But sometimes the brilliance of the idea just doesn’t translate to the toy, and Scary Sextoy Friday mercilessly mocks the execution and accidental creepiness that ensues. A word to the sex toy industry: there does not need to be a vibrator or dildo in the shape of every single thing that has existed ever. (Examples include but are not limited to: President Barack Obama, the grim reaper, an octopus tentacle, a horse cock, a soccer ball in a fountain [seriously], Santa Claus, a beaver [heh], a mole, and a zombie.)

And as with anything sex-related, people’s tastes are going to vary widely, and you know that there are at least a few people out there that love every one of these toys, and our point is not to make fun of them. (We know somebody who has a couple of the dildos featured on this blog, and she’s perfectly pleased with them.) It’s to chuckle because – look, here’s a big old dick on a bouncy ball, and what the hell is this?

All pictures taken from and linked to the Scary Sextoy Friday blog.

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Got a ques­tion you’d like us to dis­cuss, myth you’d like us to bust, or general topic you’d like us to talk about? You can e-mail us at FriskyFeminist@persephonemagazine.com, and we’ve also set up a Tum­blr for the sole pur­pose of receiv­ing com­pletely anony­mous ques­tions at paperispatientsexqanda.tumblr.com.