7 Questions

7 Questions for a Witty Gentleman: Subject O

I found today’s witty gentleman in the wild, wild internets through a link on Lifehacker.  I sent off an email asking if he’d like to be a witty gentlemen for a bunch of bookish, clever women and his answer was an enthusiastic “yes.”  Click through to find out more about him and get a link to his very clever (and bookish!) site.

1.  You’ve been given the power to invent a new ice cream flavor, what is it and why?

Dirt. I could call it “Literally Rocky Road.” If I had unlimited resources I would love to open a restaurant called Pica which served non-nutritive delicacies based on items like paper and chalk. We could serve Dirt ice cream and offer a dessert called the Mag Pie.

2.  You’re chosen to remake any movie originally made between 1975-1990.  What movie do you remake an how do you cast it?
Moonwalker, with Lady Gaga. I’d like to see the speakeasy scene re-imagined with fedoras made of luncheon meat.

3.  What terrible song gets stuck in your head?
Oh, definitely “Don’t Take it Personal,” also known as “Just One of Dem Days,” by Monica. This song has haunted my subconscious for 16 years. Whenever someone says, “It’s just one of those/them days,” I respond with lyrics from this song in an embarrassingly Pavlovian manner.

4. Tell us about a woman who has been influential in your life.
My first psychology professor was Jean Edwards. She was more than influential; she was a catalyst for a transformation. She mutated people. She was strong, smart, confident, world-wise, funny and subversive. Every time I had a conversation with her I felt like my world-view was being threatened. She intimidated people with the depth of her understanding of both herself and humanity. She crushed me with her empathy and insight.

5. What’s your favorite joke?
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender, astounded, proclaims, “Hey! We have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You have a drink named Steve?”

6. A band is now following you around performing your personal soundtrack wherever you go, who are they, and what are they playing?
Battles Tonto. I want to be that song.

7. Mad libs question! Give me the following:

Adjective: corrosive
Body part: pancreas
Adjective: felt-tipped
Food: baba ganoush
Celebrity: Peter O’Toole
Verb: pummel
Adverb: gently
Verb: erupt
Adverb: patiently

Result: I am known for my corrosive pancreas, which has been compared to a felt-tipped baba ganoush.  Peter O’Toole may pummel gently, but I erupt patiently.

Editor’s Note: Today’s witty gentleman is also the witty webmaster of You Are Not So Smart, a site you really need to be visiting.  We like the bookish, clever cut of his jib. 

By [E] Selena MacIntosh*

Selena MacIntosh is the owner and editor of Persephone Magazine. She also fixes it when it breaks. She is fueled by Diet Coke, coffee with a lot of cream in it, and cat hair.

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