Hey, everyone! It’s just a one-question day here at Ask Luci, but I think it’s one we’ve all dealt with at some point or another, so let me know what you think!
What do you do when the person you love says your type isn’t for them? Even though they don’t want to “drop you” because then they will be alone.
Someone saying that you’re not their “type” is usually just their way of saying that for whatever reason they don’t want to be in a relationship with you (or maybe anyone). Because what is a type, anyway? Maybe it’s something physical, like they prefer people with brown hair, or a certain body type, or height. Or a personality preference as in, “I usually don’t go for girly-girls.” Or a fundamental belief issue, like morals, politics, or religion. But for any of the above, I think the “type” cop-out is bullshit. How many times have you heard someone say that they started dating someone that normally wouldn’t be their type because he’s really into sports or she has blonde hair, but it works. Or alternately, when someone seems to be completely your type (the Good On Paper type) but it turns out that you just don’t click for whatever reason. If you really click with someone, what you may have thought of as your type before ceases to matter. On some of the more serious issues, like core beliefs, you either think you can work them out or you can’t. Although something tells me that in your circumstance, the issue is not that you’re a Democrat and the person you love is a Republican. The point to all this being, it sounds like saying that you’re not someone’s type is really just a cop-out. Kind of like a precursor to the “it’s not you, it’s me” line.
And as far as this person staying in a relationship with you just because they don’t want to be alone… I mean, if you feel the same way and you would rather be in a relationship with someone who is coming up with reasons not to fully commit to you instead of being alone, then go for it. But, you might consider what YOUR motivations are for staying with this person. Sooner or later, this person will find someone else who is their “type” (whatever that entails), and since they won’t have the fear of being alone, they’ll drop you anyway. And there is nothing lonelier than being alone when you’re in a relationship. Good luck!