7 Questions with a Witty Writer

It’s Monday, and that means I’m asking the hard-hitting questions filled with journalistic integrity.  Or, you know, copying the answers to questions about theme songs and ice cream from my e-mail. Today’s witty writer is one of our most recent weekly contributors, and she’s full of awesome. See if you can guess which writer said this:

1. You’re tasked with creating a new ice cream flavor, what is it and why?

So I would do a mix of vanilla with rochets crushed in and maybe some cinnamon. If you think about it too hard, you will want it!

2. You’re chosen to remake any movie originally made between 1975-1990. What movie do you remake, and how do you cast it?

I was really hoping that Scent of A Woman fell into this category, because I think it would be great with Maria Bamford in the Al Pacino role. But I’ll have to go with a remake of Say Anything with those adorable young’uns from Huge, Nikki Blonsky and Ari Stidham.

3. What terrible song gets stuck in your head?

I’m really spared from terrible songs because I listen to my iPod so incessantly. I have a tendency to get really inappropriate but awesome songs stuck in my head, like “Fuck You” by CeeLo Green or “I’m The Kinda” by Peaches, and coupled with the fact that I work from home, I pretty much sing songs like this whenever possible.

4. Tell us about a woman who has been influential in your life.

There have been so many, but one who comes to mind is my aunt. We’re close in age, and I’m the oldest among my siblings, so she was like a big sister to me. She introduced me to the joys of New Wave and black clothes when I was in elementary school, and she’s still influencing my music and book choices to this day. Plus, she’s been really supportive of my fat acceptance work all along, which I deeply appreciate.

5. What’s your favorite joke?

I love this joke because it’s such a New York pride joke.

So, a Californian, a Texan, and a New Yorker are all lost in the jungle, and suddenly, they’re surrounded by cannibals.  The cannibals drag the three of them over to this big cauldron. Then the cannibals tell them, “We’re going to cook you, eat you, and use your skins for canoes!” So the Californian says, “Whatever, man. That’s cool. So be it,” and he jumps in the pot. The Texan pulls out his guns and says, “Screw you! You’re never going to take me alive!” and the cannibals grab him and throw him in the pot. Finally, the New Yorker says, “Can I have a fork?” The cannibals are kind of dumbfounded, but they hand him a fork. Then the New Yorker stabs his chest and arms repeatedly with the fork and yells, “Fuck your canoe!!!”

6. A band is now following you around performing your personal soundtrack wherever you go, who are they, and what are they playing?

I tend to like really depressing music despite not being depressed. So Wilco and Jenny Lewis came to mind, but I think I’d go nuts if I just listened to their stuff all the time. Let’s just say the Magnetic Fields playing the songs from 69 Lovesongs all day long. I could handle that.

7. What’s on your desk right now?

Way too much stuff for my little desk. Phone, lamp, notebooks, a few files, monitor, keyboard, computer, huge glass of water, goddess statuary, and a couple of crystals.