Feminism and Facebook: Let the Sandwich Thing Die

Facebook is an endless source of amusement to me. It’s like some odd mix of nosiness, schadenfreude, and mild revulsion that’s bewitching and addicting. One of the things about Facebook that’s both an advantage and a drawback is that you get to know way more about people than you previously did. In some cases, this is a good thing, like old friends I’d lost touch with, or acquaintances from my past who I now find I have a lot in common with; things I’d never had learned if not for the weird cocktail party that is Facebook. In some cases, though, I would definitely have preferred ignorance. I hate learning that someone who I had previously liked, or even just felt sort of neutral about, has political views that I find abhorrent (and I’m sure they say the same about me), or that they’re a thinly-veiled racist, or an insufferable preachy “believer,” or that they bought their dog from a pet store. Certain things I’m just happier not knowing.

One of the most annoyingly fascinating things about Facebook is seeing what people “like.” Sure, TV shows and stores and chocolate cake, that’s all innocent enough. But then the “Go make me a sandwich” groups pop up. And the “Curvy girls are better than skinny girls” one. And the “I’m too hot to be a feminist” one. And, my favorite: seeing, “So-and-so likes ‘hitting bitches'” pop up on my newsfeed. And on and on with the oh-so-witty and hilarious woman-hating groups. You’re so funny! You’re so edgy to have clicked that “like” button! You’re… a girl?

Come on. Seriously? I expect it from certain types of people, most of whom I’ve defriended or hidden from my newsfeed, but I don’t expect to see it from women. And it makes me sad and it disappoints me. I have a number of people who are Facebook friends who are younger, in their late teens and early 20s, and this is a big chunk of who I see doing these things. I’m sure all of us have done stupid things and pretended to like things we don’t, and it’s often for a guy, sadly enough. But to actively support something, even something as dumb as a Facebook group, that insults and dehumanizes you, or worse, encourages violence against you? How does that make sense? Not to mention, the grammar and spelling is always appalling in those groups.

I can sort of see some of the underlying reasoning. “I don’t want guys to see me like every other girl out there,” “Guys like girls who like ungirly things,” even, “I’d rather be the one making fun that be the one being made fun of,” but publicly showing support for these things is not the way to go about proving you’re different. It doesn’t make guys like you. It makes them think you’re on board with them treating you like shit. And so they will.

The body-shaming groups are a little different. I think in some cases, like the “Curvy girls are better than skinny girls” group, the person joining really might think they’re advancing the body-acceptance movement. Or showing that they’re proud to look the way they do. The trouble is, they’re taking the age-old route to get there of building one group up by insulting another. And that’s not advancing anything. It’s setting us back. Of course, not everyone looks at the world through feminist-colored glasses, so they might not even think to examine what a group like that is really doing.

Casual sexism, like casual racism and all types of casual assholery, is pervasive and damaging. You don’t need to self-identify as a feminist to realize, “Hey, wait a minute. That’s really insulting to women. And the sandwich thing is old, tired, played out, and not funny, on top of being insulting.” All of those little clicks and “likes” and updates are showing people little slices of who you are. Don’t show them that you’re a self-loathing jerk.


59 replies on “Feminism and Facebook: Let the Sandwich Thing Die”

I am a middle aged woman . . you know, one of those women who started the revolution . . .and I find a lot of sammich jokes very funny. It depends on the situation. It’s like “that’s what she said” . . . Of course, I also run a five year old World of Warcraft guild named after a Monte Python movie . . so some claim could be made that my sense of humor has been shaped by hanging around with 20 and 30 something men a lot.

I guess yes, hanging around a lot of men could make you have a bad sense of humor. I don’t really care if someone makes a sandwich joke, and I used to hang out with a lot of men too, and felt this mattered one bit one way or another.

Monty Python is not a man thing, it’s a British thing. I find them funny too, but they have nothing to do with making bad jokes. At all.

POM , I just wanted to congratulate you on being this months ” Hipster spinster who thinks she knows it all”. It was a tough choice between Olivia’s dropping knowledge on Libyan conflict, Sabine’s ass kickin essays and hell, all of Persephone. Please wear this honor well at next weeks ” uppity bitches sayin shit ” conference and later to the 2011 mansplaining fundraiser for suffering privileged men without every internet space as their own.

I’m so proud.

you know what the ULTIMATE irony is? women don’t have the fucking balls to make a proper sandwhich. when’s the last time a woman voluntarily handed you a 15 inch thick sandwhich with 8 different meats, fried mozzarella sticks, onion rings, dirty mayo, and smushed thick cut-potato chips in it? men CREATED fucking civilization from NOTHING, and now we’re relegated to being shamed for every single thought that passes through our heads. thanks ladies, job well done.

Hello, trollbabies! It’s wonderful to have you here! I love asshattery in the evening. Please allow me to give you a great link: Finally Feminism 101. Save your poor little fingers from asking us all those tough questions meant to hurt our pretty little heads — this is a great resource that probably answers all of them for you.

Also: I make the bitchin’est sandwiches around. Demanding that I make one for you is the fastest way to ensure that I make up the most beautiful club sandwich you’ve ever seen in your life… then eat it right in front of your face.

I know, right? I make a damn fine sandwich, and I enjoy doing it. But the difference between, “Hey, could you make me a sandwich?” and “Go make me a sandwich.” is the difference between whether you’ll get to eat something delicious or get kicked out of my God damn house.

Methinks these new members sock puppets for one person. . . .

Anyway, don’t shoot the messenger, but your Mommy says to tell you that if you don’t get off of her computer THIS MINUTE that errr “sammich” *shrugs* you made her make for you, since you’re not allowed to eat upstairs at the dinner table with the grown ups any more is going right into garbage. It’s peanut butter and jelly, your faaaave. C’mon, whatdya say?

Uh troll aside below (dont feed em – especially after midnight) I was just at a talk last night where Shelby Knox was explaining that on her FB page, as well as the womens site, she has altered the settings so that the word ” sandwhich or sammich” cannot be posted on the sites or walls, after she had been bombed by some group requesting she “shut up and make them a sammich”.

FYI – I’ll gladly make a sammich to those who request it. With my rage.

Ah, the smell of mansplaining in the evening! Smells like hate covered in Axe. Get a sense of humor, won’t you? There are other women laughing, and they’re gonna be all friendly with the bro-dudes and you’re not. THIS IS WHY YOU’RE SINGLE AND FAT AND LESBIAN AND MAKE PENNIES ON THE MAN’S DOLLAR. Because you won’t laugh at a really good sammich joke. (See, when you turn “sandwich” into “sammich,” that makes it funnier. Don’t understand? Well, it’s science, and girls just ain’t good at that.)

Have I summed it up?

Ugh one woman I considered my best friend for a while, more out of convenience, showed her racism when she came to visit me in Houston. It was really startling to hear her say that sort of stuff.
Another friend of mine said a lot of racist stuff in front of me and a roommate of mine, which was really embarrassing for me and I actually apologized to my roommate and said I’d never heard her talk like that before (which I hadn’t). Thank god at least it was my white roommate, but it was still extremely embarrassing for me.
So yeah, this sort of stuff happens to me in person, not on the “safe place” of Facebook, where people can at least pretend they didn’t say it. I think they assume because I’m white it’s okay to say this stuff in front of me.

So, you had a best friend out of ‘convenience’? What, were you just using her? Let me guess, she was really hawt and would take you along to the bars with her so the guys would hit on her but it was cool with you because you got free drinks sometimes.

Also, thank you to Maggie! You’re the best, all my love

Yeah I don’t accept free drinks from guys unless I’m dating them. I think that sends the wrong message.

Best friend out of convience–she treats me like shit, but I’m friends with her anyway because I have low self esteem. Pretty much, asshole.

An comment towards all the lovely folks joining us from various websites:

Sirs, your requests for a sandwich, with their lack of punctuation, capitalization and understanding of basic grammar, have moved me in new ways. Infantilizing the word “sandwich” (and yourself!) was a cunning touch. Who knew thirty words could hold so many layers of misogyny and yet so little humor, intelligence, or wit?

I am in awe.

Seriously? I mean, like, for real? Wow. Surely you must know—no really, you MUST know that the whole “make me a sammitch” thing—that it’s a joke. You know that, right? That it’s a meme? The fact that soooo many people don’t get the joke just makes it more funny for those of us that do (/b/ would be proud of this article).

Oh, yes. The inventiveness of that joke! It is so unique! And edgy! And not at all 1) stupid 2) overused 3) stupid 4) cliche 5) stupid! Nope! None of those things!

Thank goodness you came to be so helpful, to explain the joke to us silly little girls! Whew! I can sleep better knowing that people like you will always be there to help us empty-headed females understand your oh-so-fucking-edgy jokes!

I can understand the sentiment, but this is flawed logic. The entire article is more of a rant than a point in logic. Sure, you don’t to like it, and I think it’s rather a childish or pointless thing to “like” on any website, but harmful? That’s like saying anyone who sees a horror movie advocates murder.

There’s no connection. There’s never been any connection. Self Esteem is -by definition- internal to YOU. It’s what YOU think of yourself, and as such, it’s your problem not mine. I’m not being heartless, I’m being supportive. [Yes seriously.] You need to be treated as an adult, and asked to act like one, or you’ll never believe that you are equal.

So, woman-up.

Stop whining every time you see something that’s the least bit funny. Seriously. I’m not trying to be a “jerk” -such a crime! I’m completely calm, logical, and mean you no ill-will.

Women are still in second place because so few of them have decided to be self-sufficient. There are fantastic, super intelligent, wonderful women in the world doing great things! Just not as many as are male. Why? No one is really stopping women from doing things, in fact women do more harm to women than any single demographic!

There may well be a few rapists and murderers left out there in the wild woolly world, but even us men have to worry about that. If I went to Somalia I would not be anymore safe than you are, possibly even less. Despite such facts of life, there is no reason to not strive for self-achievement in a free country. Sure, rapes happen all over the world, murder too, and it isn’t limited to women. By trying to “claim” rape and violence as a 100% female victim issue, you’ve done yourselves a massive disservice.

Yes, it’s horrible. And? Do you expect a man who has been victimized to spend the rest of his life in therapy or to get on with life? When you swap “male” and “female” in your arguments, you’ll begin to see the flaws in those arguments.

I HAVE been victimized, more than once, and I chose to move on. It’s my past, and it does not define me. When one chooses to accept a role as eternal victim, even where you have never BEEN a victim, how can you expect anyone ELSE to take you seriously?

As a real-world victim, I see most feminists as laughably inelegant, illogical privilege-meters. So you aren’t a princess, boo hoo. Get a job. Again, not to be mean, but to be supportive of your SELF IMAGE.

When you have a “self” that you are not ashamed of, then your “self image” will improve.

So, why go on being hard on yourself? Just get up, and move on, and become a rocket scientist, or Senator, or whatever else you want to do! Stop worrying about what some comedian on Facebook “liked.”

“A few” rapists? Oh well, heavens to betsy, how dare any of us be concerned about the actions of “a few” men? Why, those statistics about the sheer volume of women who are raped and sexually assaulted and harassed and molested and murdered, why, they must just be silly little numbers that aren’t real goddamned people! How foolish we’ve been!

I see it so clearly, now! We women are the sole arbiters of our fates! We’re the ones denying reproductive choice! Just us, not the men with their political power! We’re the ones raping and murdering each other and ourselves — oh but wait, rapists only exist in Somalia, and they’re all women’s fault because we’re so stupid! My bad! Ah, well, I can’t be expected to understand how violence and sexual violence work, being a silly little woman with no ability to think logically! Too bad my terrible self-image is making me incapable of not getting attacked, raped, harassed, molested, ogled, and objectified! Alas!

just a “few” women drive their babies, strapped tightly into their honda civics, into lakes.

your mindless man-hate is no less repgunant than everything you think you stand against. perhaps more, because you ought to know better, you fucking primate.

Hmmm, it seems to me that someone has some serious issues to work out in therapy, and I fully, wholeheartedly support that. However, posting a comment on a thread that doesn’t really address the topic at hand shows that you either skimmed over this while your Mommy screamed for you to get off of her computer so she can log in and pay the cable bill you run up watching porn in the basement and hurriedly typed in a comment, tapping into all of the angst you have inside of your head that’s been misdirected because you don’t really have anyone to talk to other than the people you played Farmville with, and hell, they weren’t really “talking to you” . . . *inhale* ooooooooooor maybe you didn’t understand it?

Ha, ha, ha!!!! I’m joking!!!! I’m joking!!! Did you get the joke? Not very funny?

*snicker* Hmphf.

“even something as dumb as a Facebook group” This makes the article completely null and void. Why write an article about something so dumb. Why Care? This article basically tells me that if you are a woman act like a woman because if you don’t then you are bringing harm to your self. Tell that to all the gay folks. Let’s hear what they have to say about it. Women complain about being equal and treated the same as men and wanting to be treated with respect but its not ok for a woman to do what she wants to do. Maybe these girls think its funny to be a part of this group. Why should they be told that its demeaning to women. Its demeaning to those that take it as demeaning. Anything women do now a days can be and will be twisted to be taken as empowering to some and demeaning to other women. How about women just let other women live their lives without being judged by their actions. Isn’t that you are really wanting anyways?

News Flash! Many people are stupid, and spend little or no time considering the implications of their actions. ALL of the aforementioned idiots are on Facebook, it being the new in thing. Perhaps you would do better searching for logical consistency elsewhere. Why people waste any time on the vapid vortex of vacuousness that is Facebook is beyond my comprehension.

Facebook is hardly a “new in thing.” Almost everyone I know, in every demographic is on Facebook. It’s a convenient way for people to interact with one another. And idiots are everywhere. If I avoided any place that was populated by idiots, I’d never leave my house.

When the “Curvy girls are better than skinny girls” thing started popping up, I just posted a note with the link explaining why I thought groups like that were harmful. It sparked a little debate, but that way, I was keeping it on my own page, but still registering my displeasure.

I will usually do as Pileofmonkeys and posts something on my own newsfeed, because I don’t feel it’s my place to post it on soemone else’s. BUT, if they continue liking or posting things that I find repulsive and wrong, I will defriend them without a 2nd thought.

I’ve opted for a 0 tolerance policy on my FB. If one of my friends posts something racist, sexist, ableist, etc. (not just liking but actually posting), I will immediately defriend them–if they want to know why, they can send me a message to ask. So far, not one person has.

I’m trying very hard to be as open minded to others beliefs as long as those beliefs don’t denigrate another group of people, but when they do, my mind closes like a steel trap.

I ignore it too, but I think it would be best to present in a positive way how it’s done.
And in a positive way I mean don’t say something like, “You’re doing it wrong!” Calling out type crap. Just be an example–at least that’s how I would do it.
I did have a racist in-law (from a cousin, not my inner family thank god) and I invited him to some pro-Obama group, but then he started inviting me to all these religious accept God groups so I’ve found it’s best to not bother these people like that.

The sandwich thing pisses me off- it’s s subtle way internet groups make it clear women are not welcome, both by posting and by tolerating/condoning these jokes. I leave a forum or group immediately if I see one. I try and explain why. I’m hoping for a backlash-soon. sigh.

What!? Womenz not welcome? All womenz are welcome in the tent of SheikDabooty! In fact, you’re more than welcome to come join my harem. I will have my 23 wives bathe you and then bring you to my bed covered with only the finest virgin sheep’s wool! After you and 6 other of my wives have finished serving me the other 16 will show you the fine art of making The Sheik’s favorite post-coitus sammiches!

One bitchez I offered this life of splendor to accused of being misogynist and say Sheik Dabooty believe womenz should be barefoot and pregnant. “Camel Spunk!!” sayz I. All womenz in my harem have the right to shoes! This is the wordz of Sheik Dabooty!

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