If you’ve been on social media at all this week, you’ve probably heard that Audible.com is offering a reading of Adam Mansbach’s stab at parental comedy, Go the F**k to Sleep, read by Samuel L. Jackson. While I’d heard of the book when it was published earlier this year, I hadn’t actually ever seen a copy of it (it’s hard to look for such things with your child who can read). Audible’s promotion was just what I needed to learn about the book. I downloaded the iPhone app and the audio book and plugged in my headphones. It was funny. As one reviewer on Amazon put it, “Don’t buy this if you are a new parent, you won’t get it. Don’t buy this if your kids are perfect, you won’t get it.” It’s true. It’s one of those books that’s only funny if you’ve lived the nightmare of trying to put your young one to bed from say 8 p.m. until, oh, say, 11 p.m. for a few nights in a row.
The Audible promotion was well-timed, as bedtimes from hell are even worse around the summer solstice. “I don’t have to go to bed, it’s still light out!” is being argued all across the country. Trust me on this one.
Just Clean Your Damn Room ““ A spoonful of sugar? It’s five dolls and six books. Just put them away!
Eat Your F**king Vegetables ““ It’s three bites, it won’t kill you, it’ll make you stronger. Like Popeye. Oh wait, you don’t know who Popeye is.
No, Damnit, We are NOT There Yet ““ It’s not that it’s far away, it’s that you have no concept of time. Plug in your DVD player and deal, please.
I could go on and on, but I’m going to turn it over to you, readers. Feel free to play along in the comments and add titles of books you could write. It could be about parenting, it could be about work, it could even be about your significant other. I know I’ve got it in me to write something along the lines of Put your F**king Socks in the F**king Hamper. For reals.