Editorial E-mail Theatre

It’s that time of the fortnight again, friends; time to remind yourself that this blog is run by a bunch of weird women. Below are selected excerpts of editorial e-mails from the past two weeks. If you missed installments one and two, feel free to correct that error immediately. Seriously.

Ruby: Ms. Vagina Science is Tha Best.

Xfafafabulous: Four-year-olds run Hell, I am sure of it.

SaraB: [Dude] is an asshat.  He is literally a hat made out of ass.

Xfafafabulous: But PoM, how do I use lain?!?!
PoM: Goddammit, XFab, JUST PICK ANOTHER WORD.
Xfafafabulous: YOU pick another word!

Now you’re getting it!
Music and Lyrics by Luci Furious

<chorus> Changesock Changesock Changesoooock*
So you’re saying I can hit them in the face or in the head!
(Changesock! Changesock!)
Just to maim!  We don’t need them dead!
(Changesock changesock changesock!)
Now you’re getting it! Quarters are the best, but you can use nickels if you need!
(changesock)
Empty out the piggy bank when you do this deed!
(Changesock changesock changesock)
You mean I can use this on any of my foes?
Uh huh!
You say I can beat down anyone?
That’s right!
So what you’re saying is….
CHANGESOCK! CHANGESOCK! CHANGESOOOOCCCKKKK!!

Xfafafabulous: Keep us in the loop! We’ll be ready with the glitter cannons or changesocks, depending on what you need…
Hattie: If things go REALLY badly, we could load the glitter cannons WITH changesocks. Just for that extra oomph.

Selena: CHEST BUMP FOR JESUS!

Sally J: I feel like your life is a wacky version of Steel Magnolias.

PoM: Hattie, stop trying to make “outtie” happen.
Ruby, stop trying to make “fetch” happen.
PoM, stop trying to make “changesock” happen.
[Redacted], stop trying to make “original content” happen.

Selena: YOU ARE FORGIVEN.
Xfafafabulous: I feel like this should be followed up with a crack of thunder and a virgin sacrifice.

And finally, the requisite anonymous quote:
HEY, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO OUR TINY UNICORN DILDOS?!

*Important note to our beloved readers: PoM coined the term “changesock” as our weapon of choice to defend ourselves and each other against foes actual and imaginary, real and physically impossible. It has nearly surpassed “unicorn” as our collective favorite word. [Copyeditor’s note: it’s a tube sock filled with quarters. Best improvised weapon ever. And I totally stole it from some awesome friends of mine. -PoM]

Photo: Getty