Fat Positive Flirting

I used to be convinced that I didn’t know how to flirt.  I felt like it was a skill that I was never going to learn, and maybe didn’t want to.  I thought that flirting was some weird thing that involved being super-coquettish and devastatingly charming.

From A Flirtation Manual Circa 1900

But I’ve learned that the thing that I thought of as flirting is just one way of flirting. In reality, there are many ways to flirt, all of them valid, all of them worthy. Connecting with and owning your flirting methods may be all that it takes to flirt your way into the heart of the person of your dreams.

I know what you may be thinking. Flirting as a fatty may be different from regular ole flirting. For one, what if the object of your flirtation isn’t into fat people? Could you be taking a huge risk in flirting with someone before vetting them as someone who finds your body attractive?

The truth is, flirting does entail some risk, no matter what your size. By flirting, you’re putting yourself out there as someone who finds your flirtee worthy of flirtation. But without risk there is no reward, and the rewards of flirting are great, from just having a way better time in social situations to meeting the partner of your dreams.

So I’d like to share five of my Fat Flirtation Tips with you now. (And by the way, these work just as well with non-fatties!)

1) Identify Your Flirtation Style — It’s not all about batted eyelashes, unless you want it to be. I want you take a moment to think of yourself when you are your most charming. Think of a recent conversation with someone, anyone, where you felt in your element, and you enjoyed talking to and/or listening to the other person. Were you bowling them over with your humor, quietly conversing about foreign politics, being an amazing listener? Those skills that you have in connecting with others can be the basis for your totally hot flirtation style.

2) Get Clear On Your Flirtation Assumptions— Assumptions can really burn your ass when it comes to flirting. Do you assume that only certain men or women, of a certain age, certain build, certain profession, etc. will be into you? If you believe that, you will find it again and again. If those particular characteristics are attractive to you, then sticking with your assumptions won’t hurt. But if you find yourself attracted to someone who doesn’t fit the type that you think will be into you, your assumptions will keep you from going for it. So it’s important to identify your assumptions and then drop ’em.

Frédéric Soulacroix "Flirtation" (courtesy of wiki images)

I recommend writing them out and then shredding them or burning them in the sink. Make it really clear to yourself that your assumptions are not going to control your choices anymore.

3) Your Only Goal Is More Fun — The surest way to make flirting just another bit of drudgery on your to-do list is to make it about goals. Flirting isn’t about getting a free drink or a date or a phone number or whatever. You may get all of that and more, but flirting is meant to be fun for you. The more you allow yourself to be in the moment, the more you allow yourself to have flirting be about fun, the more you will enjoy it, and the more you make room for whatever it is that you really desire.

4) Practice Makes Flirting Easier — Flirting with someone you’re actually interested in is much easier when you’ve been practicing with friends and the dude at the coffee shop. Low stakes flirting as practice is really helpful.

5) Rejection Is Also A Gift — Fear of rejection is what keeps most people from flirting, but rejection of flirting isn’t so bad when it actually happens. When someone rejects your flirtation, it’s a gift, a reminder that you shouldn’t waste your wonderful flirtation on this person, and that it’s time to move on. The more you flirt, the less you even notice rejection — you’re just having too much fun. That is the power of flirting!

What’s your flirtation style? Let me know in the comments below!

And… please join me for my next FREE TELECLASS: The Rules Of FATtraction: Body Love For Better Dating! I’ll be sharing even more flirtation tips, ways to change how you feel about your body, and so much more! To check it out or register, click here:

One reply on “Fat Positive Flirting”

I really love this post (and I needed it when I was about fifteen). Although I have never been anything other than averageish build, I was in a bad accident (run over by a truck on my bike when I was 12) which left me quite severely scarred on my face, and with a fairly pronounced limp. While my junior high and highschool friends were getting their first crushes, I was walking around school with quad-canes. Somewhere in all of this, I became terrified of boys and terrified of flirting. Practice, time, and a bit of therapy (not flirting therapy, body and self-acceptance therapy) have slowly changed that, and I have ended up in a commited relationship with a guy I really love, but it’s a hard road, especially in the teen years, I think, if you don’t fit into the societal standard of a specific body type, with a flawless face.

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