Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

Well, we made it! It seems like a lot of people, both in my Internet-life and real life, took this whole week off today. It also seems like people who didn’t take the week off sure wish they had. Was it just me/us, or was this kind of an off week for everyone?

On that note I’ll just shut up and help usher in the weekend with this medley of Simpsons songs.


Photo: Getty

76 replies on “Weekend Open Thread”

has anyone ever felt like they had to change for guy? or done it? i just got dumped by a guy of 4 years, and though we’ve had many permutations of relationships, i feel nausea, but hungry, tired but cant sleep. i feel like there are some little things i could change, like being more feminine, but should i? obv i shouldnt if i dont want to, but i really like/d this person and my heart just shatt

shattered* (whoops). i hate this phase of feeling like shit, the little inner monologues you say to defend yourself if he were there. i hate it when this happens with smart, funny, cute men because i feel like i deserve those kinds. but apparently im not good enough :/

Smart, funny, and cute are all great things and you DO deserve to be with someone who is all of them. However, if you are not compatible, you just aren’t. If you (or both of you) keep forcing it and changing to fit together better, you will only make yourself (/selves) unhappy.

Consider stepping back from obsessing about how YOU could change to make it work, and in stead focus on the things you want in a future lover. I’m sorry I can’t offer better advise. There are other Persephone readers with more experience, and I’m sure someone will chime in if they feel they can help.

Good luck, and I hope you get through the rough patches quickly.

I’m so sorry! It doesn’t help much now, but you will feel better. Four years is a long time, it’s okay to let yourself grieve for the loss. What you’re describing here is absolutely grief, the sleeping and eating troubles, the doubt, the negative emotions – all of that goes along with grieving. Let yourself get through the hard part by taking care of you, eat and sleep like you should, get some exercise if you feel like it, do nice little things for yourself. Once the worst is past, then give some thought to any changes you want to make, if there are any. Grief and depression can both make your emotions play tricks on you, so don’t make any sweeping changes while you’re in the deepest part of your grief.

Also, here’s a big giant Persephone internet hug. We’ll always listen. : )

Thanks, i definitely feel like my mind is playing tricks on me. i feel lobotomized, my limbic system short-circuited. its like highschool all over again, fer chrissakes. head= complete 180* its not true that it takes half the time to get over someone as you went out right? right?? (i gotta stop watching sex and the city)

I want to give you lots of hugs, and blankets and teddy bears to squish. :( But mostly, I just want to tell you to go out there and be yourself. Never change but always grow – and never grow on behalf of someone else.

You are yourself first.

(And I always get this sinking feeling that the moment I start changing myself for someone, I am no longer whole. I am a mixed color, a blend of them and me, a gray tone. You should stay whole, stay vibrant.)

what if what they want you to change, you already knew you should’ve changed a long time ago and pledged to do, but dont have the energy/time to do it atm- i’m lazy and i never take pride in my appearance AT ALL. i live in sweats and gross smelly tshirts, bathing optional. he may have a point about trying to reflect on the outside what i want people to see on the inside? at what point does agreeing with someone’s criticism turn into self-bashing/”only-doing-it-for-a-dude” syndrome?

I think it has to do with the motivation and the end goal. Are you trying to make these changes so you can go to them and say, “Look! I did this! What do you think?” trying to get their validation or – Are you trying to make these changes so that you can say to yourself, “Well done, self. We did quite alright,” without relying on someone else to approve?

The person criticizing might have a good point, but I feel that ultimately, it has to be a change that you would want to make for yourself. (the criticism night also have no point at all and they’re just being a jerk, in which case you can carry on your merry way.)

When I was little, my mom once said “Maybe your hygiene will get better when you have a boyfriend.” And I, rejecting all notions of having a boyfriend at the time (age 12? 13?) simply thought to myself – “You know what, I’ll shower when I feel the need.” So far, I think I’m pretty clean. No one else has said otherwise.

One sided emotional turmoil. I hate it. A very toxic friendship I had is ending, but I’m not sure if it will be a clean break, at least not for me. She’s moving and she has some of my stuff and, God Damn It, I want it back because I do NOT want her taking more from me when she goes. In a way, I am so very glad that she is moving. I have tried to break off this friendship some many times in the past because it is so emotionally damaging, but I just have not been able to let it go. I do not have many close friends, you know, the kind that really gets you inside and out. I thought this woman was that kind of friend for me. We really understand each other. But understanding was never enough. The caring was all one sided, and she had no bones about the fact that she didn’t give a rats ass about anyone but herself. She’d tell anyone that to their face, shit, she even told me that shortly after I met her. But then I began to feel like I was the exception. That deep down inside, she really truly cared about me. But again and again her actions showed me that she only used people (me and so many other of our friends), that she kept people around that she had use for, and when she had gotten all she needed from them, she had no use for them anymore and flat left them. God, why was I so stupid?? And why will I miss her so much?

I am the toxic friend that Alice speaks so kindly of. It was nice to read about her true feelings on a public blog. I have been open from day 1 that I don’t do needy people and I do NOT show emotion. I keep everything inside. I don’t lead on to how I feel unless it is when I am very angry. Alice knows this about me and has for some time. I am not selfish on purpose. Unfortunately, I was raised to keep quiet, be independent, and rely on only yourself. I can see where others may see me as selfish. I do care about Alice with all of my heart but with all my mite I will never be able to show or share it with her the way she needs. I hate that I am not that person for her.

Anyway, in 3 weeks I am leaving and will take all of my toxicity with me. Now, Alice can concentrate on her life….fresh and new. I will miss Yoda. There I said it out loud…..I will miss you.

I know that I put this in one of the threads this week, but some people may have missed it. Annie finally came home with me to stay! We have been having a lot of fun, taking walks and playing tugs. She sleeps in my bed and doesn’t move all night, which is kind of awesome.

I’m completely enamored.


Yes! She has tons of energy and is full of beans. You’re the first person to correctly guess her breed! Everyone thinks she’s a Toy Fox Terrier.

I need to work more on getting her socialized, since (apparently typical of Rat Terriers, since I just looked this up) they really don’t like strangers. I already knew that about her, and in another week or so will start taking her on trips.

Also! Theodore Roosevelt had a rat terrier! Booyah!

So cute! Yeah, definitely looks like part rattie, part chi.

I’m super excited for when we visit my mom next weekend, since she has a huge fenced-in yard and pretty complacent squirrels and bunnies (her labs will chase with enthusiasm, but aren’t all that fast).

I’m on summer vacation with my boyfriend and we’re staying with my family. We have been doing pretty much nothing since arriving and I’m SO bored. Even just two-three days of relaxation seems too much for me. It’s weird, though, I just wrote we’ve done pretty much nothing, but on Friday we visited with friends, and Saturday I cooked a huge brunch for a couple of branches of the extended family, we went for a walk to the harbour, and had a BBQ with the family. I am too restless for this type of vacation; it’s as if I need some Thing to happen every day to try and take advantage of the lovely weather and freedom from work.

I know my restlessness drives my boyfriend nuts, but on the other hand, his ability to just lie about all day drives me up the wall. I suspect it might be making me more restless somehow.

Anyone else have this problem? How do I deal?

I don’t know what advice I can offer, but I can tell you that you aren’t alone. I have a real hard time sitting around doing nothing. Of course, I have an anxiety disorder, so relaxing is not my bag. And somehow, when I see my husband sitting around doing nothing, even though I know he’s taking a well deserved break, I feel like I have to do something to make up for his doing nothing. Weird, huh?
I would say its only a problem for you if you want to do nothing but feel like you can’t. But is sitting on your butt doing nothing is not the way you wantto relax, then whatever you choose to do is fine. Sometimes being busy with something you don’t usually do can be just as relaxing as veging out.

“make up for his doing nothing” – exactly! When I stop to consider that feeling in a rational way, it just confounds me. And when he is away on duty travel and I’m home alone, my activity level goes down.

I’m not really interested in sitting around on the patio too much this vacation… I would like to have a lot of experiences with my boyfriend and I know we have some things planned, but I think I need to work on my patience.

I have been known to mow my lawn at 9:30 at night (a push mower, quietest damn thing in the world). :)

I have also been out weeding and trimming at 7am.

And yes, my neighbor has commented on how my energy makes her look bad. :) (and helps keep her motivated)

Today was yard work day, huh! I was out playing with my new weed whacker this morning at 8. 24v lithium ion battery. Did an awesome job around the stonework in my front yard and last a good 2 hours. Self feeding line, height adjustment and 90 degree pivoting head and handle – I was weed whacking the crap out of everything I could find! And, yes, since you ask, I am a major goob!

I got my hair cut Thursday evening. Really short. Really. Short. I couldn’t really process it yesterday because I was in the hospital all day with Mr. Nevada for some follow-up testing. Today I actually took the time to absorb my drastic cut. I used to have a chin length angled bob. But I have VERY thick hair and I sweat like a beast. Living outside Savannah, the heat and humidity make my head a mess. I always thought it would be nice to try a pixie cut. I think they are cute and they look so cool (as in not hot). Now, I’m not so sure. It’s short. The stylist actually used clippers on the lower back of my head. I told my husband we have the same hairstyle now. ugh. I REALLY hope it grows on me!

Either way it’ll grown on you (pun totally intended), but give the pixie cut a chance! Hair changes are always iffy at first, see if you feel the same way in a couple of weeks. For what it’s worth, I also have crazy thick hair and have had a pixie for about 6 months now, loving it!

I have a pixie-ish cut (and yeah, they have to use the buzzers on my hairline), and I love it. It takes two seconds and a little product to “do.” If I air-dry it, it only takes a short time, and my getting ready time is cut pretty much in half. I’ve had to go a little more dramatic with my eye makeup to avoid the occasional “feeling like a 12-year-old boy” thing, but I love my short hair.

Thanks for all the words of support! I am usually a make-up minimalist (mascara and eyebrow gel and that’s it) but I have been wearing eyeshadow since I got my hair cut. I think the thing that really startles me is how poofy it is on top. The lady who cut my hair really worked it over with thinning shears, and I think my hair is freaking out over feeling so ‘light’! HaHaHa. I will hang in there! And when I grow to love it, maybe I’ll post a pic. :)

I got my hair cut really short a few years ago when I broke up with my job. Clippers to my neck and everything. The only thing I hated was that I had to DO my hair every day, because I have naturally curly hair that just didn’t work with the bob, mostly because I never learned how to deal with my curly hair except by straightening it every day. Even though I was locked into straightening, I was always amazed at how little time it took.

The first week or so I flipped frequently between “Why didn’t I do this sooner” and “This is a mistake.” Then I just kind of got used to it and really started appreciating the lack of time it took. Then I grew it out and there were a couple of months where it was AWFUL. The worst part of a bob is when you decide to grow it out. And not being able to do a lot with it – I pretty much had ONE style that whole time, and I like to change it up, so that felt limiting to me. Now it’s a few inches below my shoulders, FINALLY, but curly hair doesn’t grow as fast. If you really hate it, just remember that it WILL grow back! That’s probably the best part. I’m sure you’ll love it though. Drastic changes are always a little overwhelming, but once you get used to seeing it like that, you’ll start to love it.

I’m going to make Falafel tonight, because it is delicious and keeps as good leftovers (homemade Falafel for lunch? OM NOM).

What should I make to go with it? I can’t do bread, or I’d put it on a sandwich, and can’t do raw veggies, or I’d put it on a salad.

Everyone is driving BATSHIT CRAZY this morning. One simple drive in to work and there were at least 3 people who needed their ass pulled over.

I even had to honk! I never honk! But bitch could not drive through a parking lot like a sane human being to save her (or my) life! Being late for work does not mean you can t-bone me while cutting diagonal (diagonal-bone?) through a lot! You being late is not my problem.

ugh. I’m just a little on edge.

Ugh, ladies, I am up shit creek without a paddle, only instead of a creek it’s a raging torrent. It’s six days until my first thesis draft is due, I’m 20,000 words short (is that all?), and if that wasn’t bad enough I have a terrible cold and the worst headache I can describe. It’s genuinely the worst non-migraine I’ve had in years and painkillers are barely even starting to help. But I can’t stop working – I have to push through somehow, even though the words are swimming before my eyes.

Any advice or just support would be most welcome…

{{{{{ supportive vibes }}}}}}

I’d tend to think about it as “one 4000-word essay per day for five days”, per undergrad deadline madness, but that may or may not make it seem more manageable.
As for the cold – fuck! Hot whiskey?? Failing that, the entire contents of the local pharmacy…

Ha yeah I have been on the hot toddies for a while now. I need my brain function to stay up for the moment so I’m doing the toddy-sans-whiskey (hot water, lemon, honey, spices) and drugging myself up with decongestants and precious, blessed Solpadeine Plus. But later I think the whiskey will start sneaking in.

At the moment I’m liking the 1000-words = 1/20th of the way there approach, but I like yours too! I might try that. I guess it’s all about tricking myself into thinking it’s not as bad as it seems…

In fact I have decided that the one-essay-per-day thing is really going to work for me. I actually have six full days counting today as it needs to be ready on Friday, so that’s about 3,500 words per day, which is a shitload but is actually manageable. I’m a third of the way through today’s quota already. Thank you so much for the idea!!!

What is your gross-tolerance level? If it is reasonably high, you could get yourself a saline nasal rinse kit and flush your sinuses out. If you really want to go for the gold, get some tea tree oil and put the TINIEST drop in the saline and shake well before you rinse. Tea tree oil is an anti-microbial so it will help kill some of the nasties in your head. It won’t take the place of antibiotics if you need them, but it will give you some relief. Best thing is, its drug-free, so there’s no chance of it reacting badly to the whiskey, and you can do it as many times a day as you need. Feel better! <3

I’m doing BarBri, too, but our school got us in with Kaplan for free because they give you feed back almost immediately, even on the essays. Which kind of sucks, because it’s disheartening to know you’re below standard with only a couple weeks remaining. And then you tell yourself that they’re an important couple of weeks and you can totally get a handle on EVERYTHING.

We can do it! I believe in us! Good luck!

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