Deus ex MacIntosh

Deus ex MacIntosh: Cats vs. Dogs

We’re back for another session of Deus ex MacIntosh, where we find all life’s answers in TV. Or at least have fun looking at old clips. As always, my advice is for entertainment purposes only. If you follow any of my advice it is at your own risk, and may require photographic evidence.

If you have a question you’d like me to tackle, drop it in our handy Ask Us!, now with 500% more room in the question field. It’s completely anonymous, and who doesn’t like anonymous questions?

Like today’s writer.
Dear Selena,

I want to get a puppy, but am afraid my beloved cat might get really upset. TV Land Lady,

what should I do? D :

– CatWoman
Dear CW,

You’ve come to the right place.

Today we’ll be visiting three separate programs which covered the problems of bringing opposites together harmoniously; The Brady Bunch, Punky Brewster and The Simpsons.

In The Brady Bunch pilot, we see the Brady family struggle to get the girls’ cat Fluffy to play nicely with the boys’ dog, Tiger, almost as if it’s a metaphor about gender differences. While Mr. and Future Mrs. Brady are trying to get on with their tasteful second wedding, in the yard, Tiger and Fluffy go on a gravity defying rampage through the ceremony and the cake table.

Plan A: Blending Families

Step 1 – Take your kitty and new puppy to a family wedding.

Step 2 – Let them loose in the reception.

Step 3 – Lifelong happiness.

Punky Brewster, on the other hand, demonstrates that even a curmudgeonly old dude can learn to love again when he finds a precocious orphan on the porch. In this scenario, it’s best to think of your kitty as the old grouch, and the new puppy as a colorful orphan.

Plan B: Opposites Attract

Step 1: Dress the puppy in colorful costumes. Teach puppy the command “be winsome.”

Step 2: Beware of abandoned refrigerators.

Step 3: Lifelong happiness.

The Simpsons handled this in an entirely different manner, when the Itchy and Scratchy Show brought in fan favorite, Amy’s childhood friend, Mels, a dog, Poochie.

The Simpsons Overlords are very good at keeping things away from the YouTubes.

Plan 3: Unnecessary Sidekick.

Step 1: Plan an outrageous entrance for the new puppy, preferably with his own skateboard and surfboard.

Step 2: Get another cat instead. Do not name it any variation of “Snowball.”

Step 3: Lifelong happiness.

Hope this helps!

Love, Selena

By [E] Selena MacIntosh*

Selena MacIntosh is the owner and editor of Persephone Magazine. She also fixes it when it breaks. She is fueled by Diet Coke, coffee with a lot of cream in it, and cat hair.

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