Happy Halloween, my dear Colonials and Cylons! I’m going to be blunt: I do not like this episode. At all. It might be my least favorite one in the entire series. I am not going to try to hide that, because, seriously. This one gives me the creeps. Perhaps it is appropriate for Halloween, then? Unknown.
Anyway, previously on Battlestar Galactica, Roslin’s promising that she’ll spend her last months of life leading humanity to salvation, and Adama threw her in the brig, but Lee’s going to help her to escape; Helo and Starbuck have found humans on Caprica, and one of them is dreamy; Roslin and Lee have escaped Galactica, and they’re under Zarek’s protection; CALLIE SHOT BOOMER; and Commander Adama’s back!
We open on Caprica, where Starbuck seems to have just spent the night with the ever-so-lovely Samuel T. Anders. Which, do you know, one of the Poland’s leading generals during World War Two was a General Anders ““ a resistance fighter if there ever was one. I wonder if Sam’s named after him. Anyway. Sam asks Starbuck to stay and help them survive, she refuses, but promises she’ll come back and get him. They seem to like each other an awful lot. But no time for canoodling now, there is a mission to be done! Okay, a bit of canoodling.
Said mission is the capture of a raider so Starbuck and Hot Hot Helo can get back to Galactica. Right as the mission starts, they’re set upon by Cylons, and Starbuck takes a bullet to the hip, causing her to pass out, as the rest of the resistance falls back, leaving her alone and unconscious.
Credits! It always cracks me up that, six minutes into the show, now we get the credits. Why are you wasting my time with credits, people?! I want to know what happens next! (Well, not so much this time, because blech, this episode. But generally!)
We’re back in Command and Control on Galactica, and so is Commander Adama! There is much rejoicing. Welcome back, Commander, I missed your face. Adama tells the crew how much they mean to him (a lot), and then it’s back to work. Gaeta tells us that we don’t know where “the fugitives” are ““ that’s Lee and Laura Roslin ““ and Adama wants them found, as Roslin is dangerous. We’re searching every ship in the fleet.
Laura Roslin, right now, is hiding in a meat locker with Lee Adama and Tom Zarek. Zarek gets the idea that if Lee were to publicly denounce his father, that would gain support for Roslin. Lee tries, but can’t. Roslin decides to play the religious card, and starts to record”¦ something.
Now we’re back with Starbuck, who is coming to in what appears to be a fairly busted hospital. A man we haven’t seen before, named Simon, asks Starbuck her name, which she gives as Kara Thrace. (I’ve been trying to stick with one name per character, as the cast list is big enough as it is, but we know that Starbuck is Kara’s call sign, right?) Anyway, Simon informs her she’s in an aid hospital and that Anders brought her in but is now dead. Starbuck sleeps, and upon waking, asks Simon if he’s a Cylon. He replies he isn’t, but also that even if he was a Cylon, that’s what he’d say. They’re apparently in an abandoned mental institution, which may begin to explain the high level of creepiness that seems to radiate from every scene in this subplot. Simon gives Starbuck something which he claims are pain meds, but she falls asleep almost immediately after the meds hit her system.
In Galactica’s brig, Callie’s not eating. Chief Tyrol speaks on her behalf to Adama, who is more interested in Tyrol’s relationship with Boomer. Adama’s having issues with the fact that Boomer was a Cylon, and whether Cylons are machines or not. Callie’s got 30 days in the brig for discharging a weapon without permission, and Adama informs Tyrol that there are many copies of each Cylon model, and that he’ll see her again. Speaking of creepy.
In Starbuck’s recovery room, she wants to know why she hasn’t heard anyone else since she’s been there. Apparently there are more than 200 people in the facility, most of whom are dying quietly of radiation poisoning. For reasons not explained, Simon’s now giving Starbuck a gynecological exam, telling her there’s a cyst on one of her ovaries. He also informs Starbuck that her ability to have children is her most valuable skill right now, as there are very few fertile women left on Caprica. This is when I start yelling STARBUCK GET OUT OF THE CREEPY HOSPITAL NOW at the screen. Starbuck replies she doesn’t want to have a child, she’s not a mother, she’s a Viper pilot. Simon replies that potential mothers are currently more valuable than entire squadrons of Viper pilots, but knowing her history, he can understand why she’d not want to have children. The “history” he is referring to are a number of childhood bone fractures that imply child abuse, including breaking all of her fingers in the same place. Starbuck screams at him to get out.
In CIC, Adama reads Roslin’s religious plea to the fleet, which includes an order to jump back to Kobol, to meet up with Starbuck. Adama decides that nobody in the fleet is that stupid, and if they are, they deserve what they’ll get for jumping into an area thick with Cylons. Aboard the Astral Queen, the prison ship Zarek’s leading, the crewmen (convicts?) kneel when Roslin arrives in their midst, and she blesses them.
In considerably less-creepy places on Caprica, Hot Hot Helo and Anders (who is NOT dead!) are searching for Starbuck. They’re both kicking themselves for losing her, when out of nowhere comes Sharon, who’s apparently been tracking him. Sharon knows where Starbuck is.
Far far away, the Astral Queen jumps back to Kobol.
Annnd we’re back with Starbuck, who has a new scar on her abdomen. Simon claims there was some internal bleeding, but they’re just about done with Starbuck. Simon drugs her again to make her go back to sleep, but Starbuck’s pinched the IV line, preventing the drugs from getting into her. Finally, we are escaping, or at least wandering, WHEN WE SEE A SIX, getting updated by Simon about Starbuck. He says something about her ovary, but despite my numerous rewatchings, I can never quite hear him. More importantly: SIMON IS A CYLON, STARBUCK IS IN A CREEPY CYLON HOSPITAL AND THIS IS REALLY NO GOOD. Next morning, Simon comes to check on Starbuck, who stabs him in the neck with a shard of broken mirror. She never told him her call sign was Starbuck. Simon’s dead, so Starbuck steals his keys, grabs her coat, and runs through the hospital barefoot. She finds herself in the creepiest room of all, full of women connected to dozens of tubes and wires, all of them on their backs with their knees up and open. Starbuck sees Sue-Shawn, one of the resistance fighters. Starbuck tries to rescue her, but Sue-Shawn asks her to unplug the machines ““ which will kill every woman in the room. Sue-Shawn says she’d rather die than live as a baby machine for the Cylons. Starbuck, sobbing and screaming, destroys the machines and limps away. Let us not forget she was shot recently, and also who knows what happened to cause that second surgery scar. After running into a Six, and beating her about the head with a fire extinguisher, Starbuck finally makes it outside, where she’s confronted by a Simon. Said Simon is then riddled with bullets! Bye, second Simon.
A horde of resistance fighters, led by Helo and Anders, are charging the hospital. Toaster Cylons come out to start shooting at the fighters, but they’re quickly destroyed by a Cylon heavy raider, which is crewed by Sharon! She loads the fighters into the raider and they take off.
With the fleet, ships are jumping away to join Roslin. Twenty-four ships, almost a third of the fleet, have left Galactica. Adama decides to go have a chat and a cry with Boomer’s corpse.
Back with Starbuck and Friends, Sharon informs Starbuck that the place she was at was called a farm, and it’s part of an experimental human-Cylon breeding program. The Cylons, apparently, are unhappy that they can’t fufill God’s command to procreate by themselves, so they’ve taken to raping human women. The Cylons also think that the reason this has been unsuccessful so far is because there’s been no love, and that love is essential to conceiving a child. (UGH THIS EPISODE DOES NOT STOP WITH THE CREEPY HORRIBLENESS.) Helo and Sharon’s love for each other, apparently, is what got Sharon pregnant. Sharon reminds Starbuck that she’s special, and has a destiny. We still don’t know what that second scar is, but it seems creepy.
Starbuck starts planning with Anders to liberate the farms, but Anders tells her no, that’s not why she came to Caprica. He gets the Arrow of Apollo (remember that?!) from its hiding place, and gives it to her, telling her to go find Earth. Also, she promised she’d come back for him, and he’s holding her to that. She gives him one of her dogtags, reaffirms she’s coming back, AND THEN DOES NOT KISS HIM GOODBYE. Starbuck, Hot Hot Helo, and Sharon fly away in the Cylon heavy Raider.
Eugh. Join me next week for a much better episode!