Oh Vampiaries. How I love thee and thy maniacal pacing, beautiful casting, and sad sad love stories. “Disturbing Behavior” opens in Chicago where Stefan and Klaus are helping Rebecca adapt to the new millennium. She doesn’t get the slinky tiny clothes or the dance music – remember when a woman wearing pants was scandalous? (Just wait until she discovers Internet porn!) No? Me neither, thank god. Klaus and Stefan are chumming it up, because after all they are surrogate brothers. It actually kind of looks like fun (in the way that only being rich, beautiful and eternally young can look). Like, I would totally hang out with this snarky trio, that is if they weren’t superkillers. Klaus warns Stefan to watch out – his sister is a heartbreaker. “Be careful. She’ll ruin you.” Ah, nothing like the man-eater stereotype, except I guess in this case, she literally is a man-eater.
The brother-sister bickering gets to Stefan so he takes off only to find Katherine lurking in the street, which isn’t unexpected because Katherine can often be counted on to lurk about in the shadows somewhere, plotting – it’s kind of her thing. She wants to help Stefan, because clearly there are shenanigans afoot, but Stefan shuts her down. “I forgot, you’re bad now.” Oh Katherine, you’re so awesome. But she knows someone’s supposed-to-be-dead doppelganger ex-girlfriend is wearing a special necklace needed to invoke the original witch of the hybrid curse and discover what’s jamming up hybrid production. What? That makes perfect sense. And no, you probably shouldn’t miss an episode.
Back in Mystic Falls, Elena and Damon are preparing for another founder’s party because Mystic Falls is the most celebratory town ever, but only because it gives the Council an opportunity to meet regularly. Mystic Falls Secret Council: Building and saving community since the 1700s. Even though Elena is in denial about the loss of Stefan, she and Damon flirt and then Rick frowns. It’s all very stern. Later he tells Damon to back off, but you know you just can’t contain that Damon, he’s a firecracker.
In Chicago, Klaus continues to use the witch Gloria to track down Rebecca’s lost necklace. Through a magic vision, Gloria figures out that somehow it’s connected to Stefan when in said vision she sees a bunch of girls talking about him. It’s at that moment in Mystic Falls when Caroline, Bonnie and Elena are sitting around that Elena’s necklace burns her. Rather than reveal what she knows, Gloria says she needs some space to sort out the details, so Klaus, Rebecca and Stefan make themselves scarce. Eatin’ time! After dinner, Stefan excuses himself to go visit Gloria. The rest of the crew thinks he’s up to his old ripper tricks.
“Where’s he going?”
“To write a name on a wall.”
The thing about supernatural beings or people who dabble in the supernatural arts is that you can never really trust them (except maybe Caroline). So instead of Stefan getting anything out of Gloria, he finds himself magically paralyzed on a table for a game of truth and torture. It doesn’t take Gloria long, using her old school voodoo, to learn that Stefan loves a girl and would do anything for her. He’s also experiencing a lot of guilt and darkness.Oh yeah, and this girl is the doppelganger. And she’s still alive. And she has the necklace. [pullquote]”Well this is creepy.” [/pullquote] Fortunately, right after we are reminded of the true nature of Stefan’s undying love for Elena, Katherine shows up with a, “Well this is creepy,” and stabs Gloria in the neck. Because as I said before, that’s how Katherine rolls. And as usual, she has an angle. Whatever plan Stefan has to take down Klaus, because there must be one, she wants in on it. He doesn’t want her help but tells her that back in the twenties Klaus was on the run from a hunter. The way they say it makes me speculate that it might be something supernatural ““ a Hunter. So the Hunter has something to do with Stefan’s mysterious plan. Or else it’s a Winchester. (A cross-over could be so awesome even if the mythologies totally don’t overlap. Also, why don’t I write fan fiction?)
In Mystic Falls, the party is going on, which means the Council is meeting. Since there hasn’t been any new business (read: weird deaths), the Council is dismissed. The sheriff, Mrs. Mayor Lockwood, and Damon remain behind when John Gilbert Daddy Forbes shows up, which is weird, because earlier Damon compelled him to leave town. Daddy Forbes has some special skills, his human brain is mighty strong and compelling doesn’t work on him. Damon’s been looking for a kill and all this meddling is making Bill a target, which is what he later tells Elena and Rick. The way Bill sees it, the town should put vervain in the water supply to protect its people. Rick seems to agree. Needless to say, Damon disagrees. Rick tries to stop Damon so with a pithy, “Your temporary funeral,” and Damon breaks his neck. How rude. It’s off to kill Bill.
Back at the Lockwood’s, Caroline is avoiding her dad by hanging out with my boyfriend Tyler, who’s looking pretty cute post-workout. She’s sad because her dad’s a bigot. Tyler asks if she wants him to kick his ass. “Yes, no, I bought him the shirt he’s wearing and it was really expensive.” Caroline seems to make the best of even the worst situations, which is part of why I love her.
“God, you reek.”
“What this? This is sexy!”
Then things start to get sexy (finally!), but are interrupted by a phone call from Elena informing her of her father’s impending death by psychotic vampire. So Damon is visiting Bill, but Bill’s not that worried because Damon isn’t self-destructive enough to murder the sheriff’s ex-husband. Too bad for him Damon has something to prove to himself. They banter and then he attacks Bill. But then Caroline shows up and starts laying the smackdown. It’s so awesome. (Seriously, for all those non-watchers out there, this show is worth it just for Caroline. She steals scenes the way Cordelia stole scenes on Buffy. Even if the character of Elena often falls flat, Caroline more than makes up with it and we the Vampiaries recappers heart her for it.) But it’s not a fair fight because Damon is older.
“I’m stronger than you, little girl.”
“Well I’m angrier than you.”
I want that on a shirt. Caroline whoops Damon’s ass and then takes her dad home. Later he thanks her while reminding her he’s still a bigot. Elena finally shows up to yell at Damon. (About time!) Everybody’s been telling her to watch her back, that you can’t change Damon. She’s been denying the growing attraction to his “bad brother glory” while he’s been squirming under his good brother role-playing. She tells him to quit acting like a monster. Well, he’s a vampire. And he’s not Stefan. So quit trying to make him Stefan.
Jeremy’s still in Ghostville and is getting sick of Anna showing up whenever he’s with Bonnie. Ex-girlfriend ghost observing current living girlfriend? Awkward, right? He shuts her out and tells Bonnie what’s been going on. There’s been no sign of Vicki in this episode (apparently she doesn’t feature in Jeremy’s dreams), outside of a book burning tantrum. Matt’s M.I.A. too. I’m not really sure where this storyline is going but I hope we get more of Vicki acting like Vicki soon.
In the warehouse housing the be-daggered Originals, Stefan appears to be pondering revitalizing somebody when Rebecca shows up. He asks her why she doesn’t do it, bring back her family, and who they were running from back in the day. But Klaus is too powerful. He’d kill her if she revealed too much, if she freed her family. She acts all skittish and Stefan does his calming Stefan thing to her. She kisses him but he loves Elena. And always will. And now Rebecca knows it. She rats him out to Klaus who then knocks him out cold.
Rick wakes up at Damon’s place. Wakes up? Comes back to life? What does that ring exactly do anyway? And why is it slower now? Is Rick’s ring eventually going to fail him? He calls Damon a dick and leaves to badger Mrs. Mayor Lockwood and the sheriff into letting him on the Council. Another thing that’s about time.
In a scene that actually made me gasp with delight, Elena shows up to get her necklace back from Bonnie who has been trying to figure out its mystery. I figured it was just Elena feeling bad about her maybe feelings for Damon. So Bonnie gives her the necklace, looks away, and in an instant Elena is gone. Because of course she’s Katherine. Katherine goes to Damon and asks if he wants a partner in crime. Well duh, he’s got cabin fever and everyone is pissed off at him, so yeah, now’s a good time to go stir up trouble elsewhere.
Finally, in a nifty little bit of storytelling, we find out that Klaus hasn’t killed Stefan but he has figured out that Stefan has a secret or two. “I’m not mad. Just curious. What have you been hiding?” And lo, just as one brother leaves, the other returns. Stefan won’t have Damon and Katherine to help him, but at least the necklace is headed out of town. That counts for something, right?