I’m not a huge fan of reality.
Actually, that’s a severe understatement — I have been known to actively and vigorously deny the conditions of whatever reality I happen to be currently living in by diving head-first into a pile of books and Nora Ephron movies. Friends? If I ignore your phone calls and neglect your Facebook statuses, it is only because I am currently in: a) Middle Earth, b) Narnia or c) Discworld.
What’s so great about the “real world” anyway? Given the hypothetical chance, I would jump into any of the fictional worlds of my childhood without a second thought. Sure, there might be an evil noseless wizard or two, maybe a few orcs here and there, but it’s not as if these things don’t exist in different incarnations in the real world.
If you’ve ever walked out of a Harry Potter movie or closed the lid on a kick-ass science fiction novel only to wonder why your life suddenly seemed so bland and gray, you would know what I mean. It’s a bit like going back to school after the summer holidays, or eating vanilla ice cream after being introduced to the wondrous realm of double-scoop chocolate chip with rainbow sprinkles and hot fudge and waffle cone instead of boring old wafer.
My point is that reality sucks sometimes and at those times, there is no better way than to take ten minutes out of your day and dream about what life would be like if the following awesome fictional things were actually real.
The babelfish is a yellow, leech-like creature in The Hitchiker’s Guide To The Galaxy which, when inserted into your ear, allows you to understand any language. So useful if you could only get over the creepiness of inserting a live fish into your ear.
2. Hermione’s Bottomless Purse
The Hermes Birkin may be the most prestigious handbag in the world, but I would choose Hermione’s beaded little purse from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows anytime. Friends? It is bottomless. As in you could literally stuff the kitchen sink in there and tote it around with you. In light of the fact that my penchant for oversized handbags has effectively destroyed my posture, this would be so handy.
3. The DeLorean from Back To The Future
Because who wouldn’t want a time-traveling car, if only to go back in time and fix those embarrassing high-school hairstyles?
4. London Below
Neil Gaiman is a straight-up genius. In his book Neverwhere, the hapless anti-hero Richard Mayhew falls from London Above to London Below, a parallel reality London that mirrors the real city in some weird, funny and disturbing ways.
5. Lembas bread
A very large part of the reason I like the Lord of the Rings so much is that hobbits and I share a similar obsession with food. As in we like it, and we like it often. The elven lembas bread is something I always wondered about. What would its real-life counterpart taste like? I imagined it to be like a scone, only with you know, super sustaining powers. A bit of searching even turned up a few real-world recipes.
6. The Purple People Eater
“It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater!” Calling all children of the eighties! Does anyone else remember this song and movie about a strange alien who descends to Earth to find a job in a rock “˜n’ roll band?
7. Gizmo The Mogwai
If I could wave a wand and make just one thing on this list real, this adorable, fluffy, weird little creature would be it. Who wouldn’t love a face like this:
And now your turn: What amazing fictional thing do you wish was real?