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7 Awesome Fictional Things I Wish Were Real

I’m not a huge fan of reality.

Actually, that’s a severe understatement — I have been known to actively and vigorously deny the conditions of whatever reality I happen to be currently living in by diving head-first into a pile of books and Nora Ephron movies. Friends? If I ignore your phone calls and neglect your Facebook statuses, it is only because I am currently in: a) Middle Earth, b) Narnia or c) Discworld.

What’s so great about the “real world” anyway? Given the hypothetical chance, I would jump into any of the fictional worlds of my childhood without a second thought. Sure, there might be an evil noseless wizard or two, maybe a few orcs here and there, but it’s not as if these things don’t exist in different incarnations in the real world.

If you’ve ever walked out of a Harry Potter movie or closed the lid on a kick-ass science fiction novel only to wonder why your life suddenly seemed so bland and gray, you would know what I mean. It’s a bit like going back to school after the summer holidays, or eating vanilla ice cream after being introduced to the wondrous realm of double-scoop chocolate chip with rainbow sprinkles and hot fudge and waffle cone instead of boring old wafer.

My point is that reality sucks sometimes and at those times, there is no better way than to take ten minutes out of your day and dream about what life would be like if the following awesome fictional things were actually real.

1. Babelfish
The babelfish is a yellow, leech-like creature in The Hitchiker’s Guide To The Galaxy which, when inserted into your ear, allows you to understand any language. So useful if you could only get over the creepiness of inserting a live fish into your ear.

2. Hermione’s Bottomless Purse
The Hermes Birkin may be the most prestigious handbag in the world, but I would choose Hermione’s beaded little purse from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows anytime. Friends? It is bottomless. As in you could literally stuff the kitchen sink in there and tote it around with you. In light of the fact that my penchant for oversized handbags has effectively destroyed my posture, this would be so handy.

3. The DeLorean from Back To The Future
Because who wouldn’t want a time-traveling car, if only to go back in time and fix those embarrassing high-school hairstyles?

Movie still of Back To The Future

 

4. London Below
Neil Gaiman is a straight-up genius. In his book Neverwhere, the hapless anti-hero Richard Mayhew falls from London Above to London Below, a parallel reality London that mirrors the real city in some weird, funny and disturbing ways.

5. Lembas bread
A very large part of the reason I like the Lord of the Rings so much is that hobbits and I share a similar obsession with food. As in we like it, and we like it often. The elven lembas bread is something I always wondered about. What would its real-life counterpart taste like? I imagined it to be like a scone, only with you know, super sustaining powers. A bit of searching even turned up a few real-world recipes.

6. The Purple People Eater
“It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater!” Calling all children of the eighties! Does anyone else remember this song and movie about a strange alien who descends to Earth to find a job in a rock “˜n’ roll band?

Purple People Eater movie promo poster

7. Gizmo The Mogwai
If I could wave a wand and make just one thing on this list real, this adorable, fluffy, weird little creature would be it. Who wouldn’t love a face like this:

Movie still of Gremlins

And now your turn: What amazing fictional thing do you wish was real?

By Lylim

Lylim is a writer, reader and generally confused twenty-something living in Beijing. She writes about social media, reading, writing and the general travails of being a human being at her blog, Flyleaf (http://lylim.net)

16 replies on “7 Awesome Fictional Things I Wish Were Real”

Has no one mentioned light sabers yet, ’cause that was the first thing that popped into my head after the TARDIS.  We shouldn’t ignore the Sonic Screwdriver, either. And on the subject of time machines, I think I could settle for the one in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventures, too. :)  And the cupboard from The Indian in the Cupboard.

Ugg, there are so many things I want.  I definitely second Appa….or third or fourth it, I guess, depending on how many people have agreed… The transporter beams (ooh, or the Replicator) from Star Trek, the Neuralizer from Men in Black, the Put-outer from Harry Potter, the Point of View Gun from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, whatever those packs are called in Ghostbusters…

I would like a Luck Dragon, please.

Or any saucy talking dragon. Or the menagerie from The Forgotton Beasts of Eld (I’d let them come and go as they please).

Also, did anyone else read the Redwall books when they were young? I would eat all their food. Brian Jacques’ food descriptions were off the hook.

I’ve always imagined lembas bread tasting mostly like Communion wafers, except maybe a bit nicer, and not so sticky-to-the-roof-of-my-mouth-y.

Other things that need to be real:

~ Babylon candles (from Gaiman’s Stardust)

~ The Bannus (from Diana Wynne Jones’s Hexwood, which is dediated to Neil Gaiman): it’s a virtual reality machine…except intelligent. And other things that I can’t tell you without spoiling the book.

~ the two-mile boots from Howl’s Moving Castle (DWJ again)

~ Daedalus‘ homemade wings: I promise I wouldn’t be as stupid as Icarus.

Oh man, I am SO with you on the babelfish and the lembas bread.  Awesome.  And while we’re on the topic of Middle Earth…I wish the Shire were real.  Full stop.  I want to move  there and spend my life surrounded by a beautiful natural landscape, eating delicious food, drinking delicious beer, and dancing with my friends.

Also, any any any good variation on a transportation spell/mechanism.  This would allow me to do so many awesome things, like visit my best friend and various friends and family members who live hours away whenever I want, skip crowded rides on the el, and satisfy my travel-bug and my homebody-ness all at once by transporting places for short-term travel.  Sigh.

The TARDIS was the first thing I thought of. The TARDIS (at no. 1) and then the Enterprise are two things I desperately wish were real. Last night I finished season 6 of ST: TNG and once again I felt sad that I’ll never be able to be on board the Enterprise, travelling through the galaxy and seeing wonders beyond my imagination.

Can you imagine if the TARDIS met the Enterprise?

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