As a glutton for punishment, I’ve checked out the first two episodes of Project Knockoff: Shoes & Crystals. Ahem. Project Accessory. At first, I was excited. As a woman with ample boobs, ass and thighs, I’m never going to shimmy into a Mondo original, but even we fat ladies can wear jewelry and shoes.
The designers are interesting, and about a fifty-fifty blend of typical Project Runway contestants and contenders from Work of Art. Since we’re only two episodes in, I’m not emotionally invested in anyone in particular, so we’ll be sticking with descriptive nicknames when referring to the contestants in this review.
NotHeidi, Molly Sims, is the hostmoddle, and she certainly wears a lot of accessories. She doesn’t have Heidi’s charisma or presence, but she does have lots of necklaces.
NotTim, Eva Lorenzotti, is not Tim, and spends most of both episodes looking confused and mildly nauseous. She tries to offer the players bits of advice during her visits, but there are no Gunn hugs on PA. When one of the contestants tells Eva she’s having a meltdown, Eva’s answer is an aghast “You can’t have a meltdown,” and a hasty retreat.
The designers themselves are an interesting bunch. Creeper James, shoe designer, has an obvious fascination with Stiletto Shea, who could use a copy of The Gift of Fear to learn the difference between “sweet” and “lecherous.” Rock ‘n’ Roll Meltdown Nicolina, who frightened poor Eva with her emotions, likes black, spikes and leopard print. Seventeen-year-old Selena, with posters of Def Leppard and Poison on her walls, wants to like Rock ‘n’ Roll Meltdown, nearly-*cough*-year-old Selena just can’t.
Brian made a belt out of teddy bear skins last week, this week he embedded a collection of crystals into a pair of wedge heels that was gorgeous and possibly life-threatening for the model wearing them.
Creeper James made a patchwork collection with a Wonder Woman headband. Stiletto Shea asked if he’d make her a pair of shoes, to which James replied, “You’re my favorite size.” I’m not entirely convinced James didn’t mishear her statement as, “Will you make me into a pair of shoes?” Creeper James won and has immunity for next week.
Adrian, who I’d have to call my favorite, made this gorgeous pair of shoes, but only completed two of the required three pieces for the challenge, which put him in the bottom three.
Kelly, who created some interesting stuff last week, misfired with her yellow platform shoes that nearly sent her moddle ass over elbows down the runway. She was sent home.
Most of the designers had never made shoes before, which made me incredibly sympathetic to the poor moddles across the board. They were all good sports, and all of them have incredible balance and grace, as not one of them fell off the deathtraps the designers put them in.