After Cassandra’s post about ladybleeding earlier this week, I promised to make today’s LTP about unfortunate accidents. Have you ever had to leave work to change pants? I’ve only had to do it once, I started unexpectedly and very, let’s say, forcefully. Thankfully I lived about ten minutes from work and I was back, feeling fresh and frisky, in less than half an hour, but it was still awkward to have to go to my boss, who was younger than me and a guy, and say, “I need to leave for half an hour, I’m having feminine issues.”
And if there are any menfolk in the audience today, have you ever had to leave work to get new pants?*
*I was at a party one night and everyone went into overshare mode. I left wondering if I was the only person I knew who had not, at one point or other, shit my pants.
87 replies on “Lunchtime Poll: Unfortunate Events”
I started my period when I was 11, and my mom forbade me to use tampons until I was 16. She would buy me these awful little pads that barely covered my underwear, and when I’d go home from school I’d often have to change my pants because my period would find a way to bleed all over everything that wasn’t my tiny little pad. It was never noticeable to people other than me, and luckily only the other girls who I was friends with would question my different pants. They would offer support and solidarity, as many of them were in the same situation. Fuck pads. Seriously, fuck them.Â Sometimes I still have minor bleeding emergencies, but that’s because I usually forget to bring an extra tampon with me to campus or work.
In high school, I had to sit through class knowing that I was hemorrhaging on my pants. Thankfully, a friend took me home with her at lunch to borrow new pants.
I think discovering that you’ve sprung a tampon leak is the absolute worst record scratch moment ever.
P.S. I’ve urinated and shit places I shouldn’t have, but I always managed to have my pants off by that point.
Oh, I do have a peed-my-pants story.
I was 10 or 11, and I had a yet undiagnosed bladder infection. My mom left me in the bookstore in the mall and told me not to leave until she came back from running into a department store. I had to use the bathroom RIGHT NOW but I couldn’t leave or my mom would think I had been kidnapped.
I ended up peeing myself right in the middle of the bookstore, my favorite place in the world. I’m not sure if anyone noticed (I don’t know how they couldn’t.), but my mom came to get me right as it happened. She walked me to the bathroom and left me there while she went and bought me a new pair of pants.
Ugh. It was horrible.
This thread makes me feel so much better about myself; I’ve pooped and shat myself before, so this thread is a nice show of solidarity, haha. Plus, I just got to use the word shat. Pardon the rhyme, but how cool is that? Thank your this actually being a thread (and on the day where it’s the 5x points party, so even more people are commenting than usual).
I think the most embarrassing time was when I was in grade eight and got food poisoning after a family member’s graduation. We were like three hours from home and my mom’s (now thankfully ex) husband didn’t want to pull over since we were headed from the restaurant back to the graduate’s family’s home and it was like twenty minutes or so away. I pooped a lot in the car and he finally pulled over in a gas station (where I had to walk to the bathroom and finish getting sick for the moment). Then I had to go visit with the rest of the family members and then endure the ride back home, with my stomach still upset. I still remember how I ashamed and humiliated I felt at the time, but at least now I realize that it wasn’t my fault. Fortunately, my mom may have been able to snag a pair of pants for me to change into or whatever, but it was still embarrassing because I knew it was obvious that I’d had to change pants; the underwear (and I think the pants) got thrown away in the gas station’s trash can. Ugh.
Â Oh, my heart goes out to eighth grade you. That must have been mortifying, even if it wasn’t your fault. The urgency surrounding food poisoning must never be underestimated.
I think the worst part is that I’ve always had a sensitive stomach because I get abdominal migraines, so it’s not like the dude didn’t know how urgent it was when I’d say that I had to go to the bathroom as soon as possible.
Somebody in the previous comments in this thread said that they feel less embarrassed because of their embarrassing story (like the event itself, not just sharing the story on here), but I wonder if that’s just one of the many mortifying moments I had when I was younger that’s contributed to my social anxiety and low self-esteem.
Oh, I almost forgot about the time when I started mine JUST as my high school choir began our performance in Trinity Church, Boston, aka the most Catholic-minded place you can be that isn’t actually Catholic. I’m still not sure what I was being punished for but it have to have been something.
No, it wasn’t punishment, remember, in Catholicism, blood is a good thing.
Maybe it was stigmata and you’re actually a saint?
That’s what I’m thinkin. Vagina Stigmata.
Brings a whole knew dimension to Bloody Mary.
How many things would have been different if Jesus had a vagina? *ponders*
Well, I’ve never had a period disaster but I have had a big pee disaster on my period. It generally happens around that time that I develop a very uncontrollable need to pee with about 30 seconds notice (it’s also exacerbated byÂ caffeineÂ which I’ve since learned to avoid at all costs). Usually 30 seconds is enough notice to get to the bathroom at top speed but this one time I was at work and just as the second shift girl came on, it hit me.
We were in the back room of our ice cream shop and I was helping her find her way around because she was coming from another store and didn’t know where things were. I kept trying to say goodbye and leave, walk towards the door, and just be reassuring of her abilities but the girl just could not take a hint. She kept asking questions and the need to pee kept intensifying. And then it happened. I crossed my legs and just said to myself, “Oh my god, I’m peeing my pants right in front of her. I’m peeing my pants right in front of her!!!” All I could do was cross my legs and pray to god that my kiegle muscles could stop the flow (which they didn’t). Lucky for me, I was wearing a pad at the time which soaked *most* of it up but I had to walk out of there like I was carrying an excercise ball between my legs. I don’t think the girl noticed but I was so embarrassed.
Along the same vein, I once had another pee attack on a ferry in Thailand while I paid for instant noodles at the concession counter. This time, however, there was no pad to save me and I actually left a little puddle of pee where I was standing. SUPREME EMBARRASSMENT! I didn’t even have the courage to clean it up–I just walked away and prayed I was the only one who knew. (Not likely seeing how my shorts were soaked and I smelled like pee.)
There are more stories about pissing my pants but that should do ya.
You have the best pee stories.
Yeah, why is that? Is this something I can put on my resume for med school? “Highly-talented pants pisser with a penchant for story telling.”
I am laughing pretty hard at this. I peed my pants when I was 16 in a RiteAid (kinda like CVS, just incase) and it was one of the strangest moments. I had to go really bad and I thought that if I just relaxed and let a little out, I would be able to make it through the store. Not so. I couldn’t help but be shocked by the fact that I was standing there peeing my pants, it was kind of surreal. Luckily, there weren’t any customers in the same aisle and I had an extra pair of pants since I had just gotten off of my shift at work. Ah… memories.
This is one of the better pee your pants stories I have heard. Â I was a sixth grade cheerleader, and I had to stop drinking anything for 3 or 4 hours before a football game, or I would have to run off the field to go to the bathroom. Â It was either that or pee myself in front of the entire sixth grade. Â There were way too many close calls. Â Cheerleading was not for me in so many ways. Â Damn you tiny bladder!
In 7th grade we were running laps in gym class and I didn’t realize my period started until someone finally pointed it out to me at the end of class. I was wearing light blue sweatpants and it soaked all the way through; my whole ass was red. I had to go to the nurse’s office and call my mom to bring me new clothes. SO embarrassed.
One of the guys I used to work with took a big step to climb up on a counter to get something for a customer, and the crotch seam of his jeans ripped wide open. He was going commando, so everything pretty much dropped right out. I don’t know if anyone saw anything, but he had to sit cross-legged until someone could run to KMart and buy him some boxers.
Both of those stories are awesome. I also had an episode in middle school in front of my entire French class. It was awful. The silver lining was that my Grandma was able to bring me new pants before I had class with my crush.
I have also had to go home from work to change because the zipper on my skirt broke so that my ass was completely exposed. To make matters worse, I had to ask for help from my very dear roommate who isÂ 60 and male because I couldn’t get it off. It was too tight to go up over my head or come down over my hips. It was super embarrassing.
I love reveling in the misfortune of others. HAHA.
I’ve never had to leave work, but I recently had a period disaster. I was on the subway, I stood up, and it was like my ladyparts were gushing blood. By the time I got home, my underwear was ruined, my jeans needed a thorough washing, and I was convinced that everyone around me knew I was bleeding. Not my favorite day.
I got my period once at Six Flags, on a high school field trip. I was wearing white shorts.
I noticed before too much damage could happen, bought a pad, and draped my hoodie strategically. No one noticed, I think.
I have worn my sweatshirt tied around my waist more times than I care to admit.
This post went up at the exact moment I got my period.
Persephone Magazine: Disconcertingly in-tune with my ladyparts.
We are a little scary sometimes.
We need to put this on our business cards.
I’m pretty sure that can be arranged.
Is it possible for a whole group of women, in mass to affect someone’s cycle through the internet? Cause mine ends today…
Based on completely anecdotal data collected via my tumblr friends, I would say, resoundingly, YES.
Hahaha, that is awesome.
In college, all my roommates had their cycles change while they lived with me. I had to apologize to each of them for the surprise events.
Though it did not go unnoticed that somehow I had the dominant cycle. Odd, yes. But I’m not really going to boast about it. That’s just weird…
I was just gonna say, Tumblr Anecdata says….
I’m always paranoid about this happening to me now that I work in a Big City and use public transportation. I wouldn’t even have the privacy of my car to bleed in if I had unexpected lady problems. I’d have to get on the Metro and hope that no one notices the girl with stained pants, willing the train to go faster and skip a few stops.
Public transportation is such a freak show at the best of times that your unexpected lady problems would probably go totally unnoticed. Â Trust me on this. Â Been there. Â And besides, there’s always the mantra of “I will never see any of these people again.”
Since I’ve been an adult at work, I’ve never had to leave for period related reasons (though I have run to Rite Aid and bought new underwear), but I did once have to go to Old Navy to buy a totally new outfit after getting caught in a freak thunderstorm while on lunch.
And another time, I caught a pair of jeans on something at work and ripped them through the thigh and all the way down to my knee. My shift was almost over so I safety pinned everything up, my co-workers and I laughed about it, and life went on. However, that week at the mandatory staff meeting, our boss brought up our ‘dress code’ and reminded everyone that it wasn’t ok to come to work in holy jeans, even if they were in fashion.
She was a complete bitch.
I had an on-going issue with this one brand of jeans that would rip directly under my right ass cheek at the MOST inopportune times (read: always at work, never anywhere that it might possibly be ok for my ass cheek to be hanging out.) They always ripped in such a way that pinning was impossible, and I basically had to do the Unexpected Period Jacket Drapeâ„¢ until the end of my shift. A manager once suggested that I buy some better jeans. I suggested that they consider giving me a raise. Somehow, it was never mentioned again, and I was miraculously not fired.
I am having that problem right now! Ok, not with the ones I’m wearing, but I just had to buy 4 new pairs of jeans because 6 (!) pairs of pants ripped in my thigh in the exact same spot. I checked to see if my thighs had turned to sandpaper recently, but they haven’t. I think its my cheap jeans.
My boss makes similar comments about my shitty car, though he stopped after I mentioned I hadn’t gotten a raise in four years.
What is it with bosses trying to tell you how to spend your money?
Well, it is their money that they are allowing us to hold so that we may have the honor of doing their shit work.
In 9th grade, I had 2 pairs of identical jeans. Same brand, same style.
They both ripped under my ass cheek while I was climbing into my dad’s truck after school. Did I mention that this happened two days in a row?
I was so embarrassed that I did this awkward shuffle into the house so I wouldn’t have to tell my dad that I had a hole in my pants.
I had an incident this weekend where I felt like my cup was leaking and was out and about. I ducked into a mall bathroom to check and it was okay, but I figured I’d change it anyway. Hello, blood burp from cup! It was all over my hand and the seat and the little bin didn’t have a bag in it. I wrapped it in paper, but I know some of that soaked through (yes, yes, I use the fake cups) so I feel terrible for whoever had to clean next. That’s the worst that’s happened in public.
“Blood burp” sounds like something out of a horror movie!Â You get my vote for most unfortunate event.
I HAVE HAD THE BLOOD BURP TOO. It is the saddest part of Diva-ing.
I had a very irregular cycle in high school and a terrible fear of this happening so I did what I could to prevent it – even if it meant getting ready 4 days in advance – just in case. Though, that doesn’t stop the thing from failing and having some overflow accidents. Many pairs of undies have been ruined and a few pairs of jeans were forever stained (though thankfully just slightly).
Now that I’m on the greatest BC ever, it’s very easy to control. However, a new issue has cropped up that is equally embarrassing. During my periods I have developed slight incontinence. So, panty-liners have saved the day there. But, only after I had a few problems. Thankfully nothing so bad that I have had to leave or go over to the mall to find a replacement.
Girls in high school though would use this excuse all the time to go home. They never had a problem telling the secretary that they were bleeding everywhere and needed to go home to clean up and change. No one questioned them. Brilliant, I say.
Honestly, after reading these, the next time a guy complains about how embarrassing an unexpected erection is he is going to get an earful of TMI.
I say Go For It. :)
Unless that erection includes a grand finish, there is no damage done. He doesn’t have to buy new pants.
I remember the days of getting ready daaaaaays in advance, especially since it was not that long ago, unfortunately. And running to the bathroom to check, obsessively, like every two hours. Getting caught out in public with stained pants has, I think, scarred me for life. It’s bad enough when you’re an adult; it’s just AWFUL when you’re a teenager and already worried everyone’s making fun of you.
I was at the rehearsal dinner for a friend’s wedding. Â I was already dizzy from the altitude sickness I was experiencing, so when I got a seriously upset stomach, I ignored it. Â Walking to the car, my stomach suddenly cramped and I realized that I was shitting myself. Â In front of the rest of the wedding party. Â I tried to calmly walk to the bathroom, but i was in panic mode, since I was in a short dress. Â Got to the bathroom, had to throw out my favorite pair of underwear, and then got a phone call. Â From the bride. Â Apparently, nobody noticed me pulling off from the rest of the group or if they had, they were too nice to notice it. Â And since I’ve known the bride since 6th grade, she offered to take me back to her apartment, dosed me with Immodium, let me shower and recompose myself, and then we watched The League on the couch until we fell asleep.
On the plus side, there is literally NOTHING that can embarrass me. Â I’ve shat myself in public on a mountain in Park City, Utah. Â I said something stupid? Â Ha! I’ll say ALL the stupid things.
It is entirely possible that I know someone else with a similar story, but I can’t remember if it was actually in Park City or not. There is something so freeing about knowing you have been as embarrassed as you can possibly be, and lived to tell the tale.
Oh, and your friend the bride is awesome. She’s a keeper :)
She’s been zenned out for the last 14 years. Â I don’t think I’ve ever seen her break a sweat. Â Even when we had gym together five days a week for four of those years.
I couldn’t help but be reminded of Bridesmaids when I read this! You’ve got a great friend there.
Me too! Yikes for worst story ever (or best?)
nothing to this extent has ever happened to me, but it happened to my mom once when we were out together. Â ugh, i still feel so bad for her about that.
in other news, i’m eating this gross ass beef stew i made last week (i froze the leftovers). Â note to self: never……eeevvvvvveeerrrr put eggplant in a crock pot for THAT LONG eeeeeeeevvvvveeerrrrr again.
I used to play varsity soccer as a goalkeeper. One day while I was on the field, tampon in place, ready to go, I took a good hit from another player…and the tampon popped out. It was the very beginning of the game, and I was the only keeper we had that particular day, so I had to play the entire 40-minute half with a used tampon rolling around in my shorts.Keep in mind I’m a heavy bleeder as well, so by the time I was at a point where I could take care of things my junk looked like something out of an episode of Dexter.
The next time, I doubled up and put a pad in as well.
There is nothing worse than knowing something is out of place when you can’t do anything about it.
oh god, it was so gross. it kept sticking to me in all the most inconvenient places.
I’ve never had a horror story with my period, thank goodness. I’ve always been absurdly regular. The shitting is another story. All I’m saying is, when you’re have an IBS attack, you have about thirty seconds to get to a bathroom. Sometimes, you do not make it. This is why I order the blandest meals when I go out to eat and always carry Immodium.
Same here.Â Not because of IBS, but because of as medication I was on that did basically the same things as IBS.Â I’ve left work twice now.
Oy. Just the other day I had to explain dumping syndrome to my teenage son. He was greatly amused by the name.
It is The Worst.
Oh gosh, word on the IBS, this has happened to me. Consequently, I eat bland food, carry imodium, and always take a precautionary lactaid (I am lactose intolerant too) before any restaurant meal. I have found though, that IBS (which I’ve had since about gr. 8 but became severe in my mid twenties) has erased all squeamishness I have about public bathrooms. When in dire straits, a toilet is a beautiful thing, even if the bathroom looks like it belongs in the basement in Silence of the Lambs.Â
It’s true. All bathrooms are good bathrooms. I’ve also learned to locate a toilet upon entering any building on campus and try to remember its general location in the building. Bathrooms in multi-story buildings are normally build on top of each other, so they’re all in the same location on each floor. By noting where at least one bathroom is in the building, I can pretty much always find another one based on where I am.
The only time I don’t eat bland food is when I cook it at home (and consequently lock myself in the bathroom), or if I know I am coming straight home from the restaurant. I have been known to take precautionary Immodium.
The only time this memorably happened, my period was at least a week early and more enthusiastic and I was in a bar, wearing a light-colour skirt, and not one of the 5+ women I was there with had a tampon or pad…
So I did the ol’ toilet paper trick, wrapped a hoodie round my waist, and still ended up dancing on tables and taking my bra off in front of strangers. Good times.
I would like to go to a bar with you!
Why thank you! I will say I am slightly more discerning about which bars I table-dance in now, though…
I was going to say something about you being a girl who won’t let anything get in the way of a good time, but my cat just got her head stuck in a bag of yarn and I am laughing too hard to think in coherent sentences.
That’s ok, send me a picture and we’ll call it even: )
I’ve been lucky, it’s never happened to me – either one. HOWEVER, I would like to combine the lady bleeding question and the shit question, and enquire of you ladies who are mothers: is it true that you shit yourself during labour? A friend of mine who has two kids told me that once and I was speechless.
apparently yes – either during labour or as you’re pushing. There just isn’t any spare room in there for anything…extraneous.
It is not an absolute thing, but it is pretty common. I was in labor with my son for a really long-ass time, and they don’t let you eat while you are in labor, so by the time I was pushing him out, I was pretty much poop-free. (Or maybe I did shit a little and no one told me, I don’t know. By the time you get to that stage, shitting yourself is the lastÂ thing on your mind.)
Yeah.. that’s why some doctors will tell women to eat lighter when they’re close to their due dates, and if they are being induced, some doctors will actually ask them to stop food after dinner the night before. Â It helps limit the amount of poop to come out and can prevent it from happening at all.
Yep, anything that’s in there gets pushed out. I don’t think I poo’ed, but I did piss all over myself while my husband was watching, and I don’t care. I was in labor for 36 hours. He could have seen me eat a horse’s heart and I wouldn’t have given a damn.
I think my total IDGAF moment happened a few hours after the birth when I asked a nurse to help me clean up and change my giant ladypad. I felt like I could have done it by myself, but I was so tired and everything hurt so much* that I gave in and asked. She was so sweet about it, I still count her as one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.
*Just so’s I don’t scare the non-moms too much, my miserable state was only partly due to giving birth. A different nurse, who’s name I would curse if I knew it, convinced me to take codeine after the delivery, despite my telling her that I really didn’t do well with it. I spent the two hours after giving birth puking because of the stupid codeine.
Danaerys, is that you?
The Khaleesi has returned!
Don’t tell anyone! I’m supposed to be incognito!
Well shit, you’re a hero.
(SEE WHAT I DID THERE)
I’ve never had to leave work, but I had to beg off of work once. Â I did a bunch of cave research in undergrad. Right before one of our 8hr excursions, I started a really bad, flow-happy period. Â Since the cave we were working in that trip was basically all mud followed by an immersion pool and then more mud to get to the right spot, I had to ask my boss to let me off the hook. Â Instead I spent the day plating bacteria in a nice clean lab with spotless facilities where I could wash my hands and take as much time as I needed.
He was really cool about it. Â The other guys in the group not so much, but my boss was awesome. I kind of miss him and that job sometimes.