Reader Challenge

The Great Orgasm Challenge: Week 4

So, this week’s story is going under the cut. We’re talking about when our quest for orgasm gets unintentionally hilarious.

Dude and I are relatively lucky in our sex life, in that we have no roommates, the walls of our apartment don’t seem to be paper-thin, and we have no children yet, so we can get it on fairly uninterrupted.

I say fairly because we do have one intruder: our dog, the beagle/greyhound mix puppy, Luna, who does not understand why we shut her out of the room, and does not understand the noises we’re making at all. Lately she has taken to serenading our sexytimes with relentless barking and howling, that sounds suspiciously like her normal demand barking. “Guys! GUYS! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON AT ONCE AND BE INCLUDED IN IT.” Sorry, puppy girl. Anyway, we pretty much have a hard time taking ourselves too seriously when we’re trying to be sexy and have to listen to the dog getting snitty on the other side of the door. Which, in retrospect, is probably better for us anyway.

So, orgasm-getters, what mood killers, embarrassing moments, and unexpected laughter have you been encountering in your quest for year-long orgasms?

By Meghan Young Krogh

Meghan had a number of quality writing mentors over the course of her education, which just goes to show that you can't blame the teacher for the way the student turns out. Team Oxford Comma represent.

14 replies on “The Great Orgasm Challenge: Week 4”

This is awesome! I only just came across this challenge recently, and love the idea :) In particular, I really like the way it subverts the usual dialogue about “keeping count” and being “back on track”.

I’d worry about the effect of keeping track if this was a genuine source of insecurity, and I’ve had partners in the past who put a lot of pressure on me to orgasm, which sorta made it not fun. However, I think where I’m at with this at the moment is that orgasms are lovely and fun, I can basically have them whenever I make the time for them. Further to that, my partner is lovely, and we’ve had a whole bunch of complicated conversations about desire and consent and personal boundaries, that makes this not stressful. So after some groundwork, I feel like orgasms are broadly speaking a simple and happy thing, and just one I make variable amounts of time for, depending on how busy the rest of life gets.

So, based on this last point, I thought I’d join in- orgasms are important, dammit! :) I’m going for once a day on average for the challenge. I’m armed with the following: vibrators, assortment thereof (check. Just ordered another one this morning). Awesome partner who supports the orgasm initiative and will join in part time (check). Spreadsheets! (check) Cause graphs are almost as important as orgasms.

Let the (late starting personal) challenge begin! :)

Boyfriend and I recently had a lovely date night, and got back to my place.  We poured glasses of wine, and put on Zombieland (on TV, with commercials.)  Boyfriend immediately picked up that I was much more interested in sexytimes than the movie, but sensing that he was more interested in finishing his wine and the movie first, I suggested we make out during the commercials.

Second commercial break he decided it was sexytimes.  On the couch.  Unfortunately, we miscalculated, and my brother/roommate got home earlier than expected.  We had to RACE for the bedroom when we heard his key in the door, which much commotion and giggling and leaving our pants in the living room.

Brother figured something was going on and retreated to his room (and has not mentioned it since, and made enough coffee for Boyfriend as usual the next morning).  Boyfriend and I had a good laugh and went back at it (2 orgasms, check!)

And I feel a bit TMI about this but erm .. am I the only one who sees difference between ‘coming’ and ‘orgasming’? Because on both accounts I can finish and be satisfied but option one makes me happy humming but still able to talk while option two turns me into spasming pile of flesh that falls asleep after two seconds.
Uh, yeah.

My cat seems to be under the impression that my vibrator is me purring, because she gets all lovey and purrs like a lawnmower when I fire it up. I have to lock her in the bathroom sometimes in order to take care of business properly, because it’s kind of weird doing it with the cat lying right next to you.

A friend of mine did have this problem with her four (!) dogs when she had to rehearse her part from the Vagina Monologues. Apparently they did a great vocal accompaniment…

My boyfriend’s dog is so perceptive she leaves the room if I even just get undressed.

When we lived apart, Fiance and I both had places somewhat to our own. We now live together in a duplex where the only thin wall seems to be the one in our bedroom that separates it from our neighbor’s 4yr old son’s room. *sad trumpet sound* I’m used to being pretty, well, vocal during our sexytimes and when we first moved in there were a few times when we’d go to bed late, get a little rowdy, and then there would be a freshly-woken, screaming 4yr old on the other side of the wall. So lesson #1 in parenting when we don’t even have kids yet: loud and rowdy sexytimes are reserved for the middle of the day (or late morning) when small-neighbor is at school.

So far this year though, the only real obstacle was finding a way to get it on while my back was hurting (hot running water in the shower for the win). Somewhat unrelated: Last week we did have an oddly lengthy and detailed conversation about pube grooming, though.

Oh, MAN. I know this is selfish but I’m also starting to become painfully aware of how little time we probably have left to be selfish: I would be so pissed if I had to plan my sex life around the neighbor’s kid. And I imagine, as a parent, I’d be soooo pissed if the childless folks next door woke my kid up with their loud humping. That’s a no-win situation, sister; I’m glad you guys have found a time of day to have the loud sex without ruining Junior Neighbor’s innocent sleep.

That said, I’m nosy and intrigued about the grooming conversation.

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