It seems there is an unending array of items designed to help us be as lazy as humanly possible. Late night infomercials inundate us with the latest gadgets; some make you want to immediately pick up the phone as you wonder how you ever lived without such a fascinating and useful product, shipping and handling charges be damned; others make you wonder who on earth ever thought that was a necessary invention.
My husband has learned the fine art of discouraging me when he hears me yell, “Get my credit card NOW!!” from the couch, gently pointing out the logical fallacies of most of the products being pushed. The draw of the infomercial is almost always how simple the solution seems; how they’ve found a way to make a tedious task simple or a cumbersome product more compact. There are a number of items I have purchased over the past few years that I have come to rely on, so please read on for my version of the infomercial. I hope they will prove as helpful to you all, and that you will be able to refrain from laughing at me for one of them. Ease takes priority over vanity sometimes.
These things are the shit. Hands down. I have laminate floors that are in constant need of cleaning. I am of the school of thought that a floor isn’t really clean unless you have spent some time on your hands and knees scrubbing away. This does not do wonders for my knees or my back, so I had resigned myself to “clean enough” floors. That was until I stumbled upon these babies at my local Ross for $3.99. Do they look ridiculous? Yes, absolutely, no question. Since mine actually have a green plastic flower on the top, apparently so I can be fancy while I scrub floors, they are even worse than above. On the flip side, they allow me to scrub the crap out of my floors without incapacitating myself for two days after. Simply walk around your house with a spray bottle filled with your cleaner of choice, spray lightly and shuffle away with these little slippers. Want to incorporate a work out to your cleaning routine? Spray the floor and then pretend you are a speed skater, taking wide, sliding steps across the floor. Inner thigh workout complete. You will also brighten your partner, roommate, or children’s day when they see you in these. Three birds! One pair of foolish footwear! If only they made them in animal sizes, I could get the little menagerie to start earning their damn keep.
The road to the grocery store is paved with good intentions to bring one’s own shopping bags. I have at least 20 bags that I have purchased from Trader Joe’s, Safeway, Walgreen’s, and pretty much every other store I have ever stepped foot in. I always intend to put them back in the car after unloading them, but instead they somehow manage to get stuffed along the side of the refrigerator. Enter these handy dandy and super cheap nylon reusable bags. They fold up into their own tiny little bag that you can throw them in your purse and have with you at all times. I have three of these in mine right now and I hardly notice they are in there, they fold up so small. Also, they hold a surprising amount of stuff, more than you would imagine possible from looking at them, kind of like a clown car.
If you don’t have one of these, stop reading now and go order one. Seriously. This is one of the most used items in my house. It is made to open the absolutely infuriating hard plastic packaging that was designed by the devil himself. I have broken countless pairs of scissors, stabbed myself numerous times, and blunted many a knife trying to open that crap in the past. No more, my friends, no more! No more will I be tormented by such evilness, not now that I have the Sword of Easy Opening. The angled cutters make fast work of such packaging, snipping away the binds of cruelty that encase your purchases. On top of that (as if it needed to do more), it will cut through pretty much anything. When making the metric ton of poofs for the wedding a few summers ago, I used this to cut through stacks a paper that laughed in the face of my scissors. It is amazing and I don’t know how I ever lived without it.
I know it isn’t that difficult to slide the coffee maker out from under the cabinets to make coffee. My after-coffee brain knows this and finds this item frivolous. My pre-coffee brain, on the other hand, deems it not only necessary but f-ing priceless. My pre-coffee state is one of confusion, rage at being out of bed, and the hand-eye coordination of a drunken chimpanzee. My husband often wonders, based on the sheer volume of coffee grounds that surround the filter inside the coffee maker, if I don’t stand across the room and throw them in the general direction of it as opposed to pouring them in. Look, I don’t function without caffeine. I found this Handy Caddy at Ross for $4.99. I haven’t knocked the coffee maker over once since I bought it. Worth it? Absolutely. It really does “slide with ease”, too. That red arrow is not lying.
While I have greatly decreased the amount of plastic bags in our house thanks to the above reusable bags, there are still times where I will end up with some. I always reuse them for various things, but this waste basket makes it super easy to do so. you can load it up with quite a few for use in places around the house that require small trash cans. No more need to buy mini trash can liners and a way to reuse wasteful plastic store bags? Count me in.
Always check your local Ross, TJ Maxx, Marshall’s or the like for items like these. I often find “As Seen On TV” pieces for fractions of what they sell for elsewhere.
Have you all purchased anything from an infomercial that you can’t live without? Anything you thought was ridiculous originally that now holds a spot of honor in your routine? Any cheap alternatives to more expensive products you’d care to share?