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The Frisky Feminist

Does Anyone (Outside of Naughty Books) Really Get That Wet?

Q: To counteract the insanity of the holiday season, I decided to treat myself to a number of romance/erotic novels. One thing that I keep wondering about is all these women who, when starting to get aroused, feel moisture on their thighs, or dripping down their legs… I understand getting wet, but these books make it sound like it’s spilling out of them. Is that just fictional exaggeration, or does it actually happen? Thanks!

A: What an appropriate question to follow last week’s post on squirting!

General day-to-day wetness varies from person to person, as does the lubrication that’s produced when you’re aroused. Lots of different factors can influence how wet you are in either context – estrogen level (which can be affected by factors like your age and whether you’re on any hormonal birth control), where you are in your menstrual cycle, medications you may be taking, and so on.

As with many other sex- and body-related things, it’s a continuum – there are women who produce very little lubrication and women who are naturally very wet and get wetter quite easily. There’s data about how much menstrual fluid women produce, but we haven’t been able to find any similar information about wetness. (Not that formal studies are necessarily the best way to understand people’s sexual reactions, but we thought it might be interesting.) Our guess would be that most women are somewhere towards the middle of that continuum but that some fall closer to the “really juicy” end. (I can think of a few different advice columns I’ve read in which women have written in because they feel like they get too wet and it’s interfering with the pleasurable friction that penetrative sex can provide.)

Pictured: Erotica (artist’s rendering).

Personally, I’ve always gotten wet very easily, and I have experienced that feeling of moisture at the tops of my thighs that you mentioned when I’m in one of those “so turned on I can’t stand it” situations. As far as being so aroused there was, like, a small waterfall in my pants, I have not experienced that and I’m inclined to say that you’re probably right in thinking that it’s one of those exaggerated descriptions that sometimes appear in erotica or romance novels. But I also tend to think that for almost any sexual interest or experience you can think of, somebody out there has done it or likes it or experiences it, so I don’t want to say that the dripping you described never happens to anyone ever. And considering last week’s post about how squirting can happen independent of an orgasm (and that it can sometimes be more of a little trickle as opposed to an all-out squirt), I also wonder if that sudden burst of wetness could be explained in that way.

What about you, Persephoneers? Have you or a partner ever experienced what our question-asker is describing?

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Keep the great ques­tions com­ing! (Hee.) Got a ques­tion to ask, sub­ject you’d like us to dis­cuss, or myth you’d like us to bust? You can e-mail us at FriskyFeminist@persephonemagazine.com or send us an anony­mous mes­sage via the spiffy new Ask Us! fea­ture here.

By paperispatient

I recently earned my MA in women’s studies. I enjoy reading, working out, playing Scrabble, watching cheesy movies, and cooking yummy vegetarian meals with my partner and Frisky Feminist co-author, Future Mr. paperispatient.

17 replies on “Does Anyone (Outside of Naughty Books) Really Get That Wet?”

There have been times I’ve had to wear two pairs of underwear to make it through some public engagement.  Most of my lovers have been in awe at how wet I can get – foreplay pays off!

I find that it totally depends on my time of the month. Sometimes I barely get any at all.. and sometime, particularly if my imagination has had a good tease for a while beforehand.. I can get pretty soaked. I’m sure that’s a lot of the reason why I like a good mind-fuck when it comes to foreplay and arousal.

Longtime lurker, first time caller!

I have the opposite problem and it’s started to really bug me. When I was younger I used to get a decent amount of moisture, but lately (late 20s) I stay really dry. I’ve even had a few guys question if I’m actually into them because of it. I feel like porn has warped expectations and it sucks all the sexy out of sexytimes to always have to reach for the lube. I suspect part of the culprit is the pill, but I’ve tried several and the one I’m on is the only I feel balanced on (and I need to be on the pill to control my PCOS). Blah.

I started menopause in my late late 20’s which killed whatever natural moisture was down there.  If anyone wants to have sexytimes with me, it’s going to involve lube.  Once you get used to it it doesn’t really suck the sexy out of sexytimes, in fact some boys feel like using lube is “dirty” so it can actually add to it.

 

But I would maybe talk to your doctor about getting your hormone levels checked.

I also had this issue…well, I’d make my own lube, but it just didn’t have any endurance.  It would dry up a 1 or 2 minutes into sex no matter how much I was enjoying it.  It was terrible, but I ended up taking myself off of hormonal BC and problem solved.

But since you can’t come off the pill, I second the use of lube.  I had some really good luck with Liquid Silk by A Womans Touch.  I know everyone has different lube preferences, but this is the only one that didn’t make me feel yuck down there so I figured I give my two cents.  And oh, it lasts too.  We never had to reapply with this stuff. :)

Hope you figure it out.

Dryness can certainly be a side effect of hormonal birth control – I have a few friends who all noticed that their bits got much drier after they went on the NuvaRing, and I know that other women have experienced it from the pill as well.

Even though I fall towards the wetter end of the spectrum, we use lube every time we have PIV sex – I’ve mentioned in past posts that I’ve very yeast infection prone, and using silicone lube (Wet Platinum is my fave) greatly helps reduce any irritation and helps me be able to have penetrative sex more comfortably and for longer. I don’t know, maybe it’s because future Mr. and I have had many conversations about it, but I don’t find that it interrupts the flow or sexiness of sex at all – it’s right there by the bed, and we just reach for it when the mood strikes.

I wonder if it would help to ask a partner who has an issue with it if he’s ever been turned on or wanting to have sex but haven’t been able to get hard – even if he won’t admit it, I’d bet that it’s happened before or at least that he knows it’s possible for it to happen (it’s happened to every somewhat-steady male partner I’ve had at one point or another). I can understand your partners wanting to make sure that you’re turned on and having fun, but they absolutely don’t have the right to get judgy or make you feel badly about it, and maybe they could use a reminder that being wet is just one of many indicators of arousal and enjoyment!

I used to be as dry as Utah on a Sunday.

Since I’ve started anti-depressants, it has been a waterfall down there. One day when I was feeling particularly frisky, I actually dripped through my leggings. (Thankfully, I was at home.) There have been a few times where I’ve had to change the sheets post-sex because they were so soaked. My boyfriend says that it sometimes feels like wetness is pouring out. We are not complaining about this side effect.

And now, you all know a little too much about my very moist vagina. It’s like Niagra Falls down there.

Completely independent of arousal I have gotten so wet that I’ve soaked through my pants. I wish I was kidding. And occasionally my husband refers to my lady parts as slip n slide, which isn’t necessarily a good thing. But then I’ve also been so dry that not even lube helps and I’ll take overly wet any day over sandy desert.

I am a well lubricated woo-ing machine. I hate it. It’s just lime oh my god do I really want to masturbate right now because I like wearing this pair of underwear right now.

It doesn’t get like, waterfall dramatic. But it’s noticeable dammit. It’s so embarrassing. I wonder if cottonmouth applies to my Cassanova…

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