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Monday Night Flashback: Broken Stuff

Happy Monday, Persephoneers! If it’s been three-day weekend for you, I hope it’s been a good one. I broke my favorite stoneware baking sheet this weekend. The good news? I have today’s Open Thread topic in the bag. You’ve seen that website, Shit My Kids Ruined, right? The one where photos are posted of marker on the wall, holes torn in the couch, red punch on the carpet, things like that. Tonight, I’m turning the tables. 

I'm guilty of this, too. Photo from Flickr's Creative Commons, by Nieve44/Luz

What’s the shit that you’ve ruined? Either somewhat innocently as a kid, or accidentally as an adult, what have you rendered useless? My brother took some knitting needles to my parents’ new faux-leather couch. That did not go over well. I added stickers to a lot of things, including a handmade wooden desk and bookcase. Not my smartest moment. Both my brothers and I colored on the underside of the coffee table – that became kind of a running family joke. As an adult, I’ve ruined more than one saucepan by forgetting that I put rice on the stove. I vacuumed up a flannel shirt once and sent the vacuum to its grave.

How about you? What shit have you ruined? (After you’ve admitted to it here, go check out http://www.shitmykidsruined.com; it will make you feel better about your ruined stuff!)

 

P.S. ““ Official site business: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins is the first book club selection. Start reading, and get ready to discuss the book the weekend of March 17th!

173 replies on “Monday Night Flashback: Broken Stuff”

I had this lovely porcelain figurine with a lady kitten and a boy kitten in ballet costumes. It had a music box in it that played the theme from Swan Lake. I was around 5 at this time and I loved ballet and cats, so this was pretty much the best thing in the world. One day I dropped it and the boy cat broke off the base. I was devastated. It still played the music so I would wind it up and sit there sobbing and apologizing to the porcelain cats. It was rather tragic. The music from Swan Lake still makes me feel a bit weepy.

I am going to try to get back into running again after several years of, you know, not running. This morning I ran A FUCKING MILE AND A HALF!

And then I ate a broccoli-based lunch!

This may not seem like a big deal, but usually I just eat cheese and lie on the couch.

Mitt me, kid! (<–that’s “high five” in 1920s slang, which I intend to revive, because it’s the berries.)

Here’s my take on breaking wine glasses: If the purpose of the instrument is to put alcohol in it and then consume said alcohol, it’s probably not a good idea to buy the expensive version. That just seems like a bad idea. This is why I get my wine glasses from Ikea. They still look classy but when someone breaks one I can shrug and hand them another.

ETA: I can never remember to click that little box that gets me notified of responses. Sigh.

I am a menace to glassware. Once I was just sort of fiddling absently with my glass of wine while having a conversation with some friends, and then suddenly there was a CRUNCH sound and the top of the glass was gone and I had shards sticking out of my palm. Yep, I crushed a wine glass without realizing it.

Also, when I was seventeen, I totaled my parents’ car. Still living that one down; it has now become a running joke in my family that I am by far the most expensive child.

My mom had this ceramic Santa Claus – it was probably about 2 feet tall or so – and she would put it out every Christmas (duh). One year, my brother was chasing me around the house and I bumped into Santa. It fell over and hit the fireplace hearth, leaving a relatively small hole in his forehead. I mean, it’s not like the whole thing shattered or anything! My mom got SO MAD. Which wouldn’t have been so bad if she had gotten mad at both of us. But noooo, I was the one who was punished and had to stand in the corner for hours. My brother sauntered away, consequence-free. Asshole.

I managed to knock a lot of things over while wearing a giant dress in my tiny house, and I’ve hit a lot of things with my bag, but actually broken? Not so much.

Here’s my best: I was trying to grab a glass by my mouth to take it upstairs (it sounds stupid, because it is stupid) and the glass broke. I wasn’t injured, thankfully. I’m bad with phones, too. I’ve dropped every phone I’ve had at least three times. And my laptop fell on my face and broke a tiny piece off my tooth.

“I have Nichtlachen-Keinwortz Syndrome, which for some curious reason is considered a lamentable affliction.”
“Have you tried-”
“Please! May I say it annoys me when people assume it’s a burden. If I had no legs, would you try to make me run?”

(Terry Pratchett’s Making Money, paraphrased) .

The entire dialogue made me think of every ‘Have you tried not being gay?’/’Have you tried this kind of medicine?’ dialogue I ever heard of.

And now I’ve been offtopic twice, excuse me. I just never broke a lot of things.

In one of my philosophy classes the other day, the professor asked for an example of a way someone might falsely believe the world to be organized…and a person responded that the world was on the back of an elephant which was on the back of a turtle.

I laughed pretty hard.

I BREAK ALL THE THINGS.

Sometimes I lose my spacial reasoning a bit (as in mild vertigo) and, in one instance, I raised the wine glass I was washing too high and broke it on the cabinet above the sink.

I’ve done somethign similar with the other wine glass. And then a guest of mine broke another.

So, yea, I owe my roommate a set of wine glasses.

My brother and I were terrible about breaking things as part of a game. We used to punch out the screen on the porch door so that we could play ice cream shop (repeatedly, because my silly parents kept fixing it). My parents had these chairs with a sort of wicker woven seat in our backyard, and we thought it was fun to un-weave the seat, though I don’t remember why. We also kicked out one of the posts on our porch so that it was easier to climb up from the ground below or something (again, repeatedly). We would chase each other around the house, and since our house was old, the floorboards would shake with our running, and several picture frames fell from the bookcase over the years. And then I was just plain clumsy. The one that sticks with me most is this porcelain thing that my mom/I was given when I was born. It was two bears dancing – when you wound it up, music would play and the bears would spin. It sounds silly but it was really cute and I loved it. I took it down from my dresser to wind it one day, and when I put it back, I didn’t set it down fully on the dresser, and it fell off and smashed on the floor.

I am apparently an iDevice destroyer. My first iPhone got dropped in a concrete parking garage and my husband replaced the screen himself. A few weeks ago, it fell from the locker at a spa and was beyond fixing, but fortunately, we had his old phone to replace it with. This happened while my iPad (which we were smart enough to get a SquareTrade accidental damage policy on) was off being repaired for me cracking its screen. And both the phones had cases on them.

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