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Project Runway All Stars: Puttin’ on the Glitz

Sadly, Miss Worded had prior commitments this week and she was unable to give us our weekly dose of snarkastic commentary on Project Runway All Stars. Selena and I discussed, and we thought it would be fun if the two of us (with a little help from Slay Belle) did a liveblog of the episode, in our secret Internet bunker, and re-posted it in Miss Worded’s place. As it turns out, this was a good week for it. The challenge was to design a costume for a character on Broadway and the resulting runway was so surreal, our mishmash of muddled comments is the only way we could truly convey the strangeness of “Puttin’ on the Glitz.”

The following was blogged before a live studio audience.

Selena: TEAM MONDO.

SaraB: I will do my best to be fair to everyone who is not Mondo, just to give them a chance.

S: I’m going to miss Rami, mostly b/c he is hot.

SB: I do like bald men.

S: Shush, Kenley!

SB: Yeah, she sounded really broken up there.

S: What the hell is on her head?

SB: A beehive with an inappropriate pink floppy thing.

S: GODSPELL!

S: Project Runway: Ruching Jesus.

SB: I am so distracted by Kenley’s bizarre outfit.

S: Damn, they aren’t dressing Jesus.

SB: Austin’s moustache will be happy being intentionally ostentatious.

S: The hat works with the moustache.

SB: I want to absorb Mondo’s magic.

S: Me too.

SB: I like the direction Kara is going for an over the top rick bitch costume with the red lined fur stole.

SB: THAT’S why Kenley’s head looks so weird! She’s wearing curlers.

S: Oh, Kenley didn’t take her curlers out, that explains the Rosie the Serger look she’s got going on.

S: Oooh, I like where Kara is going, too.

S: Mila is so Jan Brady.

SB: Mila’s heart is two sizes too small.

S: NotTim disagrees with us.

SB: Who is she? I recognize her, but I am getting my reality fashion shows mixed up and I can’t remember where she is from.

S: She’s the editor of Marie Claire, I think.

SB: I keep thinking she is the one who did the salon makeover show.

S: Ha! That’s Tabitha.

SB: OK, Joanna has just been a guest judge a few times, but she is a lot like Tabitha, no?

S: Yeah, they could be twins.

**Commercial Break**

SB: Pamprin, not just for women in the ’50s anymore.

S: Lifetime commercials make me hate the patriarchy.

SB: Most commercials do.

S: Someone stole all the Army Wives’ shoes.

Slay Belle: Joanna Cole. She was on Marie Claire’s reality series about magazine interns. I really love her.

SB: I do too, she is just suffering from being Not Tim Gunn.

**Back to the show**

Slay: I’m a couple of minutes behind you guys, I think, since she just walked into the workroom.

SB: Austin is the king of rococo.

S: My cat is trying to help me type this. She is also a MONDO fan.

SB: :)

S: What’s a chubby? I’ve always heard it as a euphemism for a boner.

SB: Dirndl does not say rich to me.

SB: I’m glad we are not playing the “every time they say ‘Rich”” drinking game.

S: Mondo and Austin both picked great stage fabrics, I think they’ll read really well on stage.

S: Oh, ombre. Not a fan.

SB: Jerell’s trim will not read from 20′.

S: OH GOD NO KENLEY.

SB: Oh Kenley, WTF?

S: Kara’s getting the sympathy edit, I bet she’s out tonight.

SB:That’s what I was going to say.

SB: “I miss my kids” is the reality show kiss of death.

S: Damnit, I like Michael’s so far.

S: And I don’t like Mondo’s. IS THIS BIZARRO WORLD?

SB: Is the actress going to start out naked? Because that’s the only way Michael’s will work with the open back.

SB: Mondo knows it needs work. I have faith.

SB:  He’s being too hard on himself.

Slay: I know I am totally in the minority here, but I really like Mila.

Slay: BOOBS.

S: “No one pushes Austin Scarlett around” Indeed.

SB: How do these people fit in elevators with their giant egos?

S: I liked Mila a lot during her season, I just haven’t been impressed with her or her work this time around.

S: Ha!

SB: I liked her OK, but her color blocking mod look got a little boring. Maybe because my figure does not work well in that style. I end up looking like a toddler toy, with big blocks of color and all rounded edges.

**Commercial Break**

SB: I do not look like that when I do Wii Zumba.

S: Me neither.

S: Mostly b/c I stop and have a smoke before I get that sweaty.

**Back to the show**

S: Ooh, everyone is getting cranky.

SB: It’s bitchy time.

S: Drink if someone says “smokey eye” in the L’Oreal makeup salon.

SB: If Kara’s model stood on her head, she would look like Kenley.

S: BWAH!

SB: Scarlett/Mizrahi catfight!

S: My money’s on Scarlett.

SB: His moustache will jump off and start rabbit punching Mizrahi in the kidneys.

S: I would buy that on Pay-Per-View.

S: NotHeidi is dressed like a disco ball.

S: Damn, I was hoping for an Idina or a Bernadette on the judges panel .

SB: That would have been awesome.

S: No, Michael, no. My opinion has changed.

S: I can’t even think of a bon mot for Kenley, it’s so ugly.

SB: What kind of shit are these people smoking?

S: Sweet mother of bobbins, this is a nightmare.

SB: I keep wanting to pause to explore the awfulness, but I don’t want to miss anything.

S: I like Kara’s! A lot!

SB: I know Kara’s actually came out looking like a real person, not a drug induced nightmare.

S: Mondo nailed it.

S: I already forgot what Jerell’s looked like.

SB: Jerell belongs in the middle, she looked kind of drab, but like a normal person.

SB: WHAT! more eccentric?

S: These judges are terrible.

SB: She looks like the scraps on the floor of a wrapping paper stand.

S: Yes.

SB: No catfight :(

S: Mila’s is a neon shitstorm come to life.

SB: It doesn’t work because it is horrible, and hooker clothes.

S: HOOKER!

S: I can’t tell which ones they actually like and which ones they don’t.

SB: They seem to like everything

SB: That’s a really big bow.

S: Michael’s would work in The Hunger Games.

S: Okay, top three are Michael, Austin and Mondo.

SB: I think the moustache wins.

S: Go directly to Mila’s look, do not pass go, do not cover yourself in cat vomit.

SB: Kara or Kenley?

SB: My money’s on Kara.

S: Yeah, I’m guessing either Kara or Mila, but I bet it’s Kara.

S: I think Mondo is going to win.

SB: The suspense is killing me. I hope it will last.

S: Ha! Gene Wilder makes everything better.

SB: A purple velvet tail coat would have made Kenley’s look a thousand times better.

SB: With a tiny green top hat? Perfection.

SB: What the hell is “I just want my pants back”?

S: NAILED IT! (Mondo won!)

SB: YES!!!!!!!!!

SB: Cheering wildly.

S: Willy Wonka lives to fight another day.

SB: So be it.

SB: The hooker beats the big bow.

S: The pucker right on her model’s asshole really didn’t do Kara any favors.

SB: Ass puckers can ruin even the best look.

Slay: I’d dress like all these rich bag ladies.

S: And… SCENE.

In case you didn’t catch all that, Mondo won and Kara was out.

To give you a slightly better idea of what we were talking about, since our liveblog is a little like watching MST3K without a picture, here are the runway photos and Selena’s more concise descriptions of each look:

Jerrell – Instantly forgettable.

A model wearing a design from episode 7 of Project Runway All-Stars
Jerrell

Mila – Sour milk and green skittles.

Kenley – AbFab + Zooey Deschanel + cat in a blender

Kara – Pucker up for a kiss goodbye.

L->R Mila, Kenley and Kara

Austin – My pretty, pretty catsuit, covered in a weather balloon.

Michael – May the odds be ever in his chartreuse favor.

Mondo – Post-modern Mrs. Roper meets Erte.

Three models wearing designs from Project Runway All Stars episode 7.
L->R Austin, Michael and MONDO

So tell me, was this episode as bizarre as we thought it was, or did we just get caught up in the commenting chaos?

By [E]SaraB

Glass artisan by day, blogger by night (and sometimes vice versa). SaraB has three kids, three pets, one husband and a bizarre sense of humor. Her glass pendants can be found at www.etsy.com/shop/AngryOwlStudio if you're interested in checking it out.

25 replies on “Project Runway All Stars: Puttin’ on the Glitz”

Yeah, little to no explanation was given as to what the actress would DO in the garment.  I cringed every time some bra-less thing came a-walking by.  When I’m on stage for two hours singing and dancing, MY GIRLS NEED A FUCKING TITSLING!  Ahem.

Thank you for covering, wonderful ladies!  My hubby kidnapped me to a weekend getaway that was truly magical.  So I want to say I missed you all, but really, he distracted me (ahem) to more than make up for it!  *Insert eyebrow waggle*

They changed Mondo’s to the point that it’s pretty unrecognizable. See here.

The problem was that obviously, no one was familiar with the show, and the people involved did a pretty terrible job of explaining what was expected of them. Also, Mondo’s dress (and really all the entries) did not work because the actress playing the role wears a cupcake skirt (similar to what Michael made) in the musical, so none of them would fit over it. I assume they didn’t tell them this, and they should have. Mondo was the clear winner, but really, none of them got it right, and it really wasn’t their fault. It was a bad choice of show to costume, and it was made worse by the lack of a clear explanation of what they expected.

After lasts weeks terrible judging I was pretty impressed with how spot on they were, for the most part. Not sure if it was this season or his original one but I’m pretty sure Michael made a dress exactly like that already with a similar color palette too. I thought his was boring aside from the fasinator which looked like it belonged in Whoville. I thought Mila was going home for sure, her look was terrible, but I’ve been wrong every week with my prediction so I should have known I’d be wrong again. I liked Austin’s look but Mondo was the clear winner and deserving so after those  judges stupidity last week.

I’m so happy for Mondo this week! I really, really want him to win but I was worried after last week. He has to show growth as a designer if he wants to win and I think he did that by mixing prints in a new way and exploring a new silhouette while addressing the challenge perfectly. I think the judges got it exactly right this week. Austin’s was good but a matte black catsuit might not work on stage.

Also, I like not-Tim but I can’t stand not-Heidi. She is just distractingly bad as a host.

That was funny stuff! I must have fallen asleep at the end, because I didn’t remember who won or lost, plus it is so boring without Tim Gunn. Thanks for the refresher (read: I’m too lazy to watch the end again on TiVo).

I am also sad that Rami is gone b/c he is hot. Thanks for saying what I was thinking so that I don’t feel like the only perv here.

That chartreuse blouse/shirt/whatever that he made was asstastic; I will grant the judges that. The giant gathered seam across the boob was just…wha?? But there are/were other people who aren’t as talented as he is. I know that TPTB keep some people on shows longer than they should be just b/c they are “marginalizing” or “controversial”, and I don’t doubt that’s the case w/PRAS. Kenley is still on there, for example.

OMG. I should not read these in rooms with other people…

Also, where there specific plays that they had to design for? Cause it all looks like Robin Williams from Birdcage walking around saying, “Avant Garde! Avant Garde! Avant Garde!” With lots of hand gestures and loafers.

(Austin’s model is sporting Internet Expression #57)

It is a lot of ‘S’s’, I had to go back and triple check that every comment had the correct initial(s) in front of it.

And, as far as I’m concerned, you can push your way into a conversation and yell “BOOBS” whenever you want.*

*You don’t just have to yell “boobs,” I like all your commentary. :)

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