Reader Challenge

The Great Orgasm Challenge: Rough Patches

Behind the cut, we’re going to talk about sex (again, yay!) but also about how sometimes you are just Not. In. The. Mood.

Truthtelling time? My grandmother is dying. I have a sibling I suspect is bipolar but has not sought treatment/assessment. I don’t have medical insurance but I’ve got a lot of small (for now) medical issues popping up. We’ve been struggling to get on our feet financially for a while now. Oh, and we’re planning our wedding.

I’m stressed out.

This kind of stress effectively ended our sex life last year. I was not in the mood for months upon months last year. I just didn’t want it. I knew, intellectually, that a healthy relationship for us meant having sex regularly. We had had talks about it, he had told me it was okay if I took whatever time I needed. There was no pressure. And yet? It was just bad. It was a bad time for us. I missed (emotionally and physically) the sex, but didn’t miss (mentally and energetically) the sex. I have a lifetime of capital-I Issues with sex behind me, but the truth is, I was just getting to a lazy point in the relationship. Once we’d stopped having sex, it was too easy to not start again.

Around Christmas, something clicked for me. This isn’t the life I want, a sexless, repressed, frustrated life. I want to struggle to enjoy my life. I want to push through the doldrums. I want to have orgasms whether I’m in a good mood or not! So this week, with all the crap piling on, we still made time. 52 orgasms is, for us, a challenge. A fun challenge, but a challenge nonetheless. I know some of you are single and the orgasms are getting old already. I know some of you have very active sex lives with partners. I know some of you will feel really lucky if you hit once a month. Some of you can’t orgasm and seek sexual pleasure through other definitions.

We’re all in different places, but I like to think that we can each recognize the importance of having fun with our bodies, of enjoying adrenaline and endorphin floods, of doing stuff that we want to do even when it’s easier to be a little miserable, or doing stuff that we want to do just because we want to do it, and for no other reason at all.

Anyway, the comments here are meant for checking in, seeking advice, and giving it to those who ask. We’ve had some readers wondering about excellent, quiet vibrators. We’ve had some readers wondering about making things work solo. Any advice you have, please pop it in the comments! We’re all ears. And clitorises. Basically very strange organisms.

By Meghan Young Krogh

Meghan had a number of quality writing mentors over the course of her education, which just goes to show that you can't blame the teacher for the way the student turns out. Team Oxford Comma represent.

3 replies on “The Great Orgasm Challenge: Rough Patches”

Thank you for sharing this, Meghan. And, oh my, that is quite some stress! Late at night here, but stress and sex are an interesting mix, for sure. Have been considering covering it in the Caregiving series. Again, thank you for sharing. Have to say, things are still coming along nicely here, too.

For those on a quest for quiet vibrators, would they consider trying dildos instead? Super fun. Have just discovered ceramic ones, too. Excellent, excellent fun.

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