Reader Challenge

The Great Orgasm Challenge: The Old Excuses

There are these cliche phrases that women purportedly use to get out of sex, like, “Not tonight, I’m tired,” or, “I have a headache,” or “¦Yeah, I don’t know the other ones, but I have legitimately had these excuses before and they have definitely put me in the anti-sexytimes mindset before. Which leads me to believe that in sex, as in much of life, cliches are sometimes cliches because they’re so widely true.

That said, I’m not a supporter of creating an excuse not to have sex. I firmly believe that in any healthy adult relationship, honesty is golden. If you don’t feel like having sex, you should be able to say so without fear of recrimination from your partner. Anyway, much of the reason I created this challenge this year is because last year, we weren’t exactly hitting 52 orgasms for the year, and looking back, I think it was because of two things. First, earlier in the year we went through some stressful changes (I quit drinking and was parsing out what my sobriety would look like, we moved to a different state, I was working an extremely stressful job, I had some highly painful dental things going on, and in general I felt like shit a lot of the time.) Those weren’t “excuses” I made up not to have sex, but a side effect was that I often just didn’t want anyone to touch me at all. Second, after a while of hearing these repeated refrains (“I’m tired, I’m stressed, I hurt, I feel like shit, not tonight, thanks!”), my partner quit asking. And the fact that he quit asking made me feel undesirable. (I know, I think it’s kinda stupid, too.) And even when we talked about it, he would be totally understanding and go out of his way to make me feel not-pressured, which made me inadvertently feel guilty for how awesome he was being about everything.

But guilt isn’t really a big turn on for me, so you can see why this cycle might have been prone to dragging itself out. Anyway, the Great O Challenge has been pretty invigorating for us. It’s still okay for either one of us to say, “No, not tonight,” but lately we’re prone to saying “Yes,” a little more often. And even if we’re not going the whole Penis In Vagina route, we’re still finding ways to be more tactile and sexy with each other. (We almost missed our pizza delivery last night because we hopped in the shower together and were laughing too much to hear the doorbell ring.)

So, in only a month and a half, I’d say that’s how the Great Orgasm Challenge is changing my relationship. How’s it going in yours? (Solo fliers, what are you learning about your bodies?)

By Meghan Young Krogh

Meghan had a number of quality writing mentors over the course of her education, which just goes to show that you can't blame the teacher for the way the student turns out. Team Oxford Comma represent.

23 replies on “The Great Orgasm Challenge: The Old Excuses”

I have come to realize that my horniness comes in waves. It’s like four days one, two days off. And during those four days, I’m super absurd and then nothing at all for two days, even the thought of touching myself seems pointless and annoying. I kind of like it. It’s like my body has it’s own way of saying, “woh, ‘ru, I need a break, and so does your hand.” But without making me feel weird or rejected or incomplete or just like a bad female for not getting off. I must listen to this more often, and stop masturbating just cause I’m bored or can’t sleep, and instead wait for the wave.

So is the basic challenge an orgasm a week? (I’m new so I have some catching up to do).

If so, this is good,

My usual “excuse” is constipation, which is kinda legit, right? I have crazy intestinal issues. But I’ve been trying to push through, so this is a great challenge for me!

Indeed, an orgasm a week. Some are using it as a way to revitalize their sex life (*raises hand*), others are using it to get more in tune with their bodies, some are using it to be more exploratory… doesn’t matter how it happens, just one awesome orgasm a week!

And as someone who has intestinal issues, I completely understand. I have definitely stopped mid-fuck and bolted to the bathroom. Which is decidedly unsexy.

I have been mostly successful, not really exceeding my quota too much, but definitely meeting it.

Not exactly, but sort of related to this challenge, I bought my first vibrator. It is amazing. How TMI do you want us to get about things we’ve learned about our bodies? Let us just say that I have discovered that things can get quite messy.

Heh, I have indeed read many of those columns, as I have been lurking around here for about a year now.

I have discovered that, like the Frisky Feminist herself, some of us don’t need internal stimulation to create floodlike conditions. One of the good things about no longer having a partner is that I don’t have to worry about making a mess – I can just go play with my new toy in the bathtub. In fact, I think I’m having more orgasms now that I’m flying solo.

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