Dr. Susan vs. Dr. Laura: Where have all the realllll men gone?

It appears that Dr. Laura is off racing a sailboat and so hasn’t updated her YouTube channel (from which I generally get her transcripts). This is particularly hilarious to me, given the history of women sailors, the fact that for a long time the only way to sail as a woman was to dress as a man, and the way that feminism has made it possible for Dr. Laura to pursue her goals. And then she goes and disparages the hand that feeds her.

Since there isn’t a recent question/answer update, I looked into her blog to see if there was anything ridiculous to respond to. Does a bear crap in the woods? Is the Pope Catholic? Does Dr. Laura say ridiculous shit constantly? It wasn’t hard to find something. Since it’s a blog post, I am going to post excerpts instead of the entire thing. I’m sure you don’t need to spend all day reading anti-woman bullshit.

Dr. Laura
Dr. Laura: living a life made possible by feminism, and then bitching about feminists.

I want to write about how there are no men. (Well, there aren’t no men, there are just few men). And a lot of women don’t even like real men; they like feminized men – especially if they’re gay. That’s even better. And many women marry mama’s boys because they don’t want a real man. Then they get shocked when his mother can push him around better than they can. Well”¦ his mother has had a lot more practice – his whole life.

It’s at this point in the blog post that I am wondering if Laura is under the influence of alcohol. If women don’t like “real” men, and there aren’t any “real men” left, then”¦ what’s the problem here? Are women supposed to pretend that they like something that they don’t, thus forcing men to be something that they aren’t, in order to please Dr. Laura?

This is true particularly since feminism arose with the attitude of “we don’t need men.” Gloria Steinem said: “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” That was feminism. It rarely had anything to do with equal pay for equal jobs. It had to do with hating being a wife”¦ hating being a mother”¦ and hating men. That’s what feminism primarily has always been about. Don’t kid yourself.


Hey there - feminists are everywhere! Courtesy of CBS News.

So if feminists are people who hate being wives, who hate being mothers, and who hate men, and yet the majority of women are feminists, how is it possible that we are maintaining our population? How is procreation happening??? How do straight men find any women who don’t spew hatred at them?

Oh wait. Dr. Laura is just, as per usual, wrong. I know that this is going to come as a humongous shock, but I am a feminist. I’m also a wife. And a mother. And if you’re Facebook friends with me, you’re probably tired of seeing videos of my kid, who breastfed until a few days ago, and she’s practically old enough to drive. I like my husband. I know. Impossible.

The “feminists=man-haters” trope is tiresome. You’re making me tired, Dr. Laura.

I would argue that we also might teach our daughters to respect men. Real men, not the men concocted for treacly romantic comedies. And to respect themselves enough to wait for that man in every sense of that word.

Yes! We should teach our daughters to respect men. We should teach our sons to respect men. We should teach our daughters to respect women, and we should teach our sons to respect women. And we should teach everybody that the person who deserves the most respect is yourself. And you get to decide what “waiting” means, and what to do with your body and your mind.

And then my staff got me information on traits of real men and I want to share this article with you. It’s from the blogger MochaDad:

He titles his blog: The 7 Traits of Real Men. Women – I want you to read them because this is the guy you should look for. Men – I want you to read them so you can stop being weenies and take back your masculinity, your parts, your giblets – if you get my drift. I can’t believe how many women who have called my show over the years who I’ve told they should have married another woman because the traits they wanted in their husband are not masculine.

Ohthankgod. I was hoping somebody would tell me what kind of man to look for. I’m going to leave a copy around so my husband can find out what kind of man to be. Because if I were to accept him and love him as he is, and he were to be himself, that would just be disastrous.

I am so thankful for Dr. Laura. If it weren’t for her, no lesbians would know that they were gay, and would keep on trying to marry men. No men would know how to pretend to be something that they aren’t, and marriages based on mutual respect and love wouldn’t be such an epidemic. So thank you, Dr. Laura. Now get back from the traditionally male sport of sailing, because we all need more advice from you.

By Susan

I am old and wise. Perhaps more old than wise, but once you're old, you don't give a shit about details anymore.

20 replies on “Dr. Susan vs. Dr. Laura: Where have all the realllll men gone?”

I clicked through for the 7 Traits of Real Men, and I discovered that what the dude was actually saying behind all his bullshit rhetoric of Real Men-ness, was pretty much how people generally should behave (man and woman). Nothing in his seven traits seemed that ridiculous.

Just for fun, I went and found the MochaDad article she mentions. Aside from some of the intro that had me doing my “Is this guy an MRA?” side-eye, it’s not bad. Integrity, compassion, confidence, self-control — things like that. My only quibble — which is not a small one, despite my word choice — is that it could just as easily be a list of “good human being” traits rather than “real man” traits.

I’m going to tell you a story, even though it might derail a little.

When I was ten, I liked flowers. A lot. I had a particular fascination with fuschias, which to me looked like little birds – damn, how much I loved fuschias. I loved fuschias so much that my mum planted half our garden with them and I’d go outside and play with them like they were birds. I’m ashamed to say I used to pull their heads off in the endeavour, but once my mum found out she told me only to take three from any one “clump” and I soon became paranoid because I couldn’t remember which I’d taken from.

Other than the love of flowers (which admittedly, is laughably stereotypically effeminate) I was pretty “boyish” – I played football, I was a bit of a loner and I didn’t really talk that much, especially not about “girly things”. But I really really liked these flowers, seriously. My mum gave me one of those flower pressing kits and I went at it like a 19th century merchant’s heiress. I had loads, and then I learned how to put them between film and paper so they were permanently displayable and it was like fucking Christmas.

My brother (who is seven years older than me) was at that time enrolled in boarding school, and only came home at the holidays. He comes back one Easter and basically takes the piss about these flowers. According to my mother (I don’t actually remember this, but I’ll take her word for it), when he protested, I rolled my eyes, sighed pointedly at my sister and went, “He’s not mature enough to have learned Feminism yet.”

Then I went back to my lego apartment building.

Laura, when I say I was more mature than you at the age of ten, it’s not a figure chosen at random. Go back in your hole and stay there.

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