Dr. Susan vs. Dr. Laura: Why can’t we go back to the good old days? AKA: Feminism causes date rape.

[Trigger warning for discussion of rape.]

Do not click to open this unless you are prepared to get really, really angry. It’s bad, guys.

The following was taken from Dr. Laura’s website. Have questions you want somebody that isn’t Dr. Laura to answer? Ask me!

The question: “Should I have a conversation with my 29-year-old daughter regarding her relationship with a 50-year-old man? I’ve actually expected her to bring it up. Do you have pros and cons to help me give her some fatherly advice regarding the challenges if she asks for it?”

Dr. Laura’s advice: No, I think you should go talk to the 50-year-old guy. I know she’s an adult, I got that, but I think you need to man-to-man with the 50-year-old guy and say, “My daughter didn’t ask me to be here; I didn’t tell her I was coming here. I’m here, man-to-man. Go get a woman your own age. Don’t be messing around with my daughter. She needs to be with someone her own age so they can grow together, and grow old together and have challenges together. You just want a cute, hard body who adores you because, quite frankly, at 20-something, she doesn’t know better. So, I’m counting on you, man-to-man to do the right thing and to leave my daughter alone.”

In the old days, that’s how this situation would have been handled. I like the old days. There are so many things about the old days that really worked. There was no date rape in the old days because girls didn’t go out with some guy, get drunk, get naked and go to his place… (I’m sorry) get drunk, go to his place, get naked and then go, “Oops!”

In the old days with young people, the guy had to talk to the father, everybody knew who everybody was, they went to places that were public, girls didn’t get drunk because that was unseemly behavior and you would get in trouble. I mean think about it, the old days had morals, values, principles and ethics and basically those were prophylactic. They kept you from getting in trouble.

And part of the old days was dad would go take care of this. So, don’t punch him out, just sit down with him and say, “Be a man. A real man does not do this to a young woman.”

What I have to say:

Deep breath. I have tried to write an answer to this three times already, and every time, I’ve had to rip it up and walk away. Anger does not do justice to the way I feel. When I start to think about what Laura has said, I begin sputtering with fury and am unable to get my thoughts out in a coherent way. But I will try again.

What Dr. Laura is saying here is disgusting and dangerous. I’m not talking about her “advice” – I’ll get to that later. I’m talking about her dismissal of and co-conspiracy to rape. I really do mean that. Dr. Laura is conspiring with rapists.

Date rape is not the result of slutty women throwing their naked bodies at men and then saying “oops.” It is not a result of women being unashamed of drinking or relaxing in public places. It is not a fucking product of women gaining more equality.

Date rape is an act of deplorable violence. It is a gross violation of a human being, and it is the result of a monster behaving like a monster. Against somebody who trusted them enough to go on a date. Date rape is a monstrous act against a friend.

Date rape is not a sign of the times. When people challenge sexism and stereotypes, that does not lead to date rape. Date rape is a monstrous act against a friend. If there is more date rape reported now, it is not because women have become stupid sluts. It is because victims of a monstrous act have finally been given permission to admit that they were victims – have finally been absolved of blame for the monstrous act of violence that was done to them against their will.

And you, Dr. Laura, are a guilty party to the assault. Your radio show is heard by several million people. Millions of men have now heard, from a voice of authority, that drunk, incapacitated women are to blame for whatever happens.

A woman about to be raped has no control over the situation. A man about to rape gets to choose: do I perform this monstrous act of violence on a friend? Or not?

And you, Dr. Laura: your words are echoing in their heads, telling them to go ahead, nobody will blame them if they do. Your words are egging on potential rapists, contributing to the violence against women. Date rape is not made more prevalent when women have the nerve to act like human beings. Date rape becomes more prevalent when people like you tell rapists to rape, and tell victims that they deserve to have had somebody attack them.

What Rush Limbaugh said last week about Sandra Fluke was terrible. But this – this is far worse. You are encouraging men to rape, and placing blame on the women who have been assaulted. You are encouraging men to rape.

As to your advice? When you were 29, you were married and on the verge of divorce, had started an extra-marital affair with a radio producer who launched your career, had posed for naked photographs for him which he later put out on the Internet, and had begun another extra-marital affair with a man 12 years your senior which led to your current marriage. Perhaps it is this experience that has caused you to imagine that 29-year-olds are little girls who need to be taken care of, but they are not. Grown women get to make their own decisions, just like you did, and your bullshit kowtowing to anybody with a penis while declaring all women to be incompetent sluts is just that: bullshit.

Dr. Laura. You are a smart woman. Because of the fights of feminists before you, you got to have a career. You got to get out of an unhappy marriage, and you got to live a life in which your opinions were respected and your life has value. You get to own property, and drive, and vote. Knock this bullshit off. You’ve made your money. Walk away, and regain some sort of shred of dignity.