Open Thread

This Weekend Open Thread is Marching in Like a Lion

Here we are at another Friday night open thread, I hope you’re all feeling chatty!

We’re not doing a super points party this weekend, because last weekend got weird. Two gentle reminders:

1. The points are supposed to be silly and fun. The number of points anyone has is no indication of how important or valuable they are; we’re all in this together. Everyone, from the copy editors who toil through the night to make sure we don’t make subject-verb agreement errors or use a hyphen (-) where we need an em-dash (–), to the lurker who’s never even made an account, to writer who only has one article under her or his belt, is a part of the Persephone machine we can’t do without. To encourage moar fun and less fight, I took down the points leaderboard, so now we’re all only competing with ourselves.

2. Having fun with the points is absolutely the point (heh), but don’t exploit the system. Folks caught gaming the points the first time will get a friendly warning by PM. Getting caught twice means removal from the points system and placed in the rank “We can’t have nice things” until such a time as the Evil Unicorn Overlord (me) decides it’s been long enough.

Please continue to have fun with the points, donate to each other for being awesome and keep up all the awesome community things you’ve been doing with these two tidbits in mind.

On to something completely different, and awesome.

A Persephehusband and his wife, @SaraB, are celebrating their 10-year anniversary this month. Mr. B (we know him as Teddy Bear Glittercannon) bought an ad that’s going to run in each of our open threads for a month.

Happy anniversary, you crazy kids.

By [E] Selena MacIntosh*

Selena MacIntosh is the owner and editor of Persephone Magazine. She also fixes it when it breaks. She is fueled by Diet Coke, coffee with a lot of cream in it, and cat hair.

359 replies on “This Weekend Open Thread is Marching in Like a Lion”

Guise, guise, guise:

I decided to try out for my local Roller Derby team.  I am too scared to tell anyone I know IRL, because I don’t want the pressure and I don’t want to answer questions if I don’t make it.  But, I am tired of being a mild mannered accountant. I wanna be a badass who wears too much eyeliner and short skirts with fishnet stockings and hip checks the hell out of people who are in her way.  You all and my ultra-supportive husband are the only folks who know my plan.  Tryouts are in exactly one month.  I am so excited!

Ok, so, I am seriously considering trying the whole night school community college thing to fill in the holes in the knowledge my degree provided me with. The company president wanted some work done to the company logo last week and knowing that I have all the software to make it good on my home computer as well as an art degree, he let me work from home and get it done (normally my job has zero art involved). It was the best day ever. Not because I got to work in my PJs, although that was nice, but because for the first time in four months I wasn’t bored out of my head with what I was doing. I did my work. I didn’t procrastinate. It was a wake up call from the universe if ever there was one. “Opifex, you don’t like your job! You like doing this! Get a job where you can do this!”

Now, I know that part of why I wasn’t able to get an art job is that I didn’t really have a good working knowledge of the stuff I needed for the bulk of the jobs (my guidance counselor at college was awful, but I didn’t really realize how bad until I had graduated). I can’t afford to go back to art school, so I was thinking about the community college. They have an associates in Web Design that I hope can get me up to speed with some more marketable skills. Thoughts? Opinions?

What kind of courses are you thinking about doing – Photoshop/InDesign/Quark Xpress…? if you want to do web design (as distinct from graphics and design for online platforms) that could be very involved, depending on your coding experience.

The college looks like it teaches out of AdobeCS, I know Photoshop pretty well, and I know AfterEffects and Premier, but I never learned Flash (everyone tells me if I can wrangle AfterEffects I should have no problem with Flash, but my experience says not so). If I ever want to land a job as an animator (what I have a shiny BFA for) I need Flash. The college also teaches Dreamweaver, InDesign, and ColdFusion which would all be good to know. I have a little code experience just from hand coding my own vanity website back in ye olde high school days (It had frames! I was so proud of those frames. I also took a class in C++ in high school, but I have zero memories of it). Ultimately I would be coming at this from a artist rather than code writer angle, but I’m not afraid of spending some time learning code if it would help me escape the current job selling electronics.

I play a lot of online games, and I will never cease to be annoyed by people who don’t realise that sometimes you just lose. There are loads of random people, sometimes your team won’t click, and you’ll lose. Getting angry goes completely against the point of PLAYING A GAME FOR FUN.

Yes, I appreciate the irony, but my anger is justified. Humph. Newbies don’t get better if you shout at them.

Also, same person sends me a self-satisfied private message saying “newbs, amirite” as if I’d agree and get smarmy. People are stupid and mean.

Ow, havent been to the gym for about 10 days because I had that virus, and now my hip is giving me grief. Seriously body, I’m 24. My hip should not be giving out on me yet. Yes I will go to the gym tonight, even though all I want to do is bake something to do with apples ( a client bought in a trash bag full of apples today. So many apples).

I have a question for you.  Is it common here for people not to wipe down their gym equipment once they are finished?  My first day at the gym I did and got a weird look from a couple of people.  Then I noticed that there is a kid who wanders around doing it and everyone just hops off their machine without doing it.

I have to be honest, I’m pretty skeeved out about it.  The two times I’ve put in a good week at the gym I have come down with a horrific stomach bug.  Could be totally coincidental, but the once was beyond words.  I thought I was going to have to cancel a trip to Samoa for it.  So bad.  Obviously, this is the reason I haven’t managed to get my ass to the gym more than once or twice a week since.  Heh, look at me pretending I’ve gone twice a week for about the last month. Bleh.

Also, I did a pump class for the first time ever one Saturday morning and I swear it was Wednesday before I could really walk again.  That was some brutal tough working of my ass and thighs.  I haven’t had the nerve to go back since!

I always seem to forget that when I do a big, serious workout at night, I sleep SO WELL. The only problem with this is that a big, serious workout requires a shower, and so then I have to shower at night and again in the morning, because I have short hair that looks like a demented rooster if it’s not washed and styled before I go out in public.

Clearly the solution is not to work out at all, right?

Shampooing less might actually help degrease your hair. Sometimes hair goes into grease overdrive because of being washed too often. I found my hair got a ton less greasy after I quit washing it every day and swapped to just washing it every other day.

Okay, so I’m in need of some friendship advice. I’ve got a friend that went to college with me, and now we work at the same job. She’s sort of wreaking havoc on my professional life and my personal life all at once. Basically, she sort of “takes over” everything from a conversation, to a group event, and, to some extent, what I actually do at work. A good example would be from this weekend. Yesterday, we were at a community event that is always hard up for volunteers every year. There were some other people that we work with there, as well as some mutual friends of my friend and mine. During a few minutes of downtime, I started telling another person I worked with about a bad experience I had last week with a student, that my friend just happened to be there when it was happening. I got approximately two sentences into my story when my friend interrupted me and started telling the story over me. (Basically, the student was caught cheating, and my friend overheard what happened.) Then, as I was trying to discuss what to do about it with my other colleague, my friend once again interjected to say that she felt compelled to turn the student in, even though it wasn’t her class or her student.

My friend also has this habit of interrogating everyone we know about what they did over the weekend or on certain nights. A couple of weeks ago, she was asking me so many questions about a particular day I had, I ended up taking her through every place I’d been to that day and who I was there with. If any people in our group randomly decide to go have a few drinks, or go get something to eat randomly, and it shows up on Facebook or someone mentions it, she will make it a point to call and ask what we did, even though she already knows. She gets incredibly annoyed if we do anything without her, even if we know that she is busy or doing something else. She also has to be in on the planning of anything that we do as a collective unit. There’s typically at least 4 or 5 of us that hang out together. The logistics alone of getting all 4 or 5 schedules to align is getting hard.

She also sort of verbally vomits on all of us all the time. Every time we talk, it’s about how some student, guy, coworker, or random human has treated her badly. Nothing good ever happens to her, just everyone around her.

What is making it even worse is the fact that it isn’t just me that can’t stand her anymore. All of my friends, to some extent, have sort of had it with her and feel pretty uncomfortable or awkward when she’s around. For awhile, we were all trying to spare her feelings and just tolerate it, but it’s becoming intolerable. She’s done pretty much the same thing to groups of friends before, but doesn’t seem to understand that she was smothering them. I know that many of her other friends in college pretty much up and ditched her because she would get up in their business and freak out all the time.

My questions is: Should I be straightforward and honest with her and tell her she’s being too involved  and overly aggressive? I always feel that honesty is usually the best policy, but then I think about the potential fall out from this, both professional and personal, and it seems like I’ve just got too much to lose. I should probably mention that we’re both actively looking for full time jobs, so there is always the potential that one or both of us won’t be living and working in our current situation forever. I also know that a lot of this is coming from the fact that she feels lonely and we’re transitioning from college to the work world, but I’m sort of dealing with my own problems now, and I don’t feel like I have any energy left to give to her.

Absolutely, you need to have a talk with her about what’s bothering you, and give her these specific examples. It may not go well. She may get mad at you and not want to hang out with you, which is her choice. She may try to make you feel bad and apologise for having told the truth, but you can’t give in to that. The conversation will be tough and not at all fun, but one way or another, it’ll be better to have it. :( Sorry.

I know. I know. I just get really anxious thinking about it. My other friends that are also close to her and I keep having the same conversation about if we should or shouldn’t. The thing is I think she’s going to take it as that we’re ganging up on her, which I can see. But it’s become the giant elephant in the room, and it’s hard having to guard everything we say around her. I don’t tell her anything about what is really going on in my life anymore. In fact, I feel more comfortable telling all you guys on the internet about my personal problems rather than my real life friend. Maybe it’s because I feel that this is a safe, non-judgmental place. :)

I think it would be best if you talked with her on your own to avoid the ganging up on her.  Here is how I would approach it:   let her know you need to talk to her about something and ask when she has time.  When you sit down and talk with her make sure you avoid saying things that make her feel like you are attacking her.  Even if you just want to say “you are being horrible and I can’t deal with it and everyone else feels the same,”  avoid saying that and make it less confrontational.  I would try something like, “I want you to know I am sensitive about some things, and one of those is my privacy.  I know you don’t mean to be overbearing but sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed by your asking me about my plans all the time.  You are my friend and I want to share my experiences with you, but I prefer to bring those things up myself.”  Maybe even ask if she is constantly bringing it up because she feels left out?  I might even write down what I want to say beforehand so that I get all my thoughts down on paper. If she really is your friend and cares about you she will want to make things better.  You may even get some insight into why she acts the way she does.  Also try to remind yourself the things you value in her as a friend and coworker and focus on those to keep your relationship positive.  Good luck!

Oh man, this is tough, but I definitely second the notion of talking to her.  I have had several similar issues with friends throughout the years and it has never gotten better when I ignore the situation.   In fact, ignoring the situation just makes it worse.  Everything that sort of annoyed me initially begins to REALLY annoy me and I don’t hide my feelings well, so eventually the person figures it out and we have the talk anyway… except it’s not in the best circumstances.  I’ve learned that lesson the hard way.

I’ve also been on the other side of this.  It was hard hearing it, but I’m so glad my friend sat me down and told me how she felt.  We are better friends now because of it.

Yep, that’s pretty much what has happened since I started trying to just ignore it. She’s tried to talk to me about why I sort of disappeared over a lot of late last year, which was partly her, but partly my own problems, but I just told her it was mostly the latter. Thanks for the perspective from the other side, too.


I used to drive a Jeep Wranger. Sometimes I’d have the top down when giving my grandmother a ride – her hair used to fly in her face and drive her CRAZY, so she eventually got so she’d just wear a bag as a hat so her hair wouldn’t be wild. And thus, I present to you, my grandmother in all her glory. She passed away a couple of years ago, and I miss the hell outta her!

I have no idea, sadly! I think it was just child-sized? She got then at a performance she was in – a normal size one for me and a tiny one for the kitties. I wish I could help locate one for you! I *did* however get a picture of my girl kitty, Mara, in the tiara. Unfortunately she was very much not impressed.

Okay movie-loving Persephoneers, which movie should I go see this week? It’s between The Artist and A Separation. I want to see both, but I live in a small town and at least one (A Separation) will definitely not be in theaters next week, so I probably won’t get to go see both on the big screen. Which one should I see in the theaters and which one should I wait to watch on DVD?

I am currently getting into Yiddish music. I assumed Yiddish was heavier semitic than German language-family wise because it’s written in hebrew script, but it’s totally a German offshoot. I can hear it really strongly. It sings like German. So far I’ve liked it all =D

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