Open Thread

Why Should This Open Thread Worry

I was looking through my iTunes today trying to find the perfect optimistic song for this springy Wednesday OT. This one, it turns out, is one of my most played, and why wouldn’t it be? It’s upbeat! It’s catchy! It’s from Oliver and Company!!

Trivia: Oliver was voiced by a bebe Joey Lawrence. Woah!  I discovered that when I was researching trying to find if it was released on the Disney Channel before it was in theaters.  I swear I saw it on TV and then it came out in the theaters a year or so later. Does anyone remember this? I will give all my points to someone who can tell me that I’m not nuts (about this particular issue).

Have fun! It’s Wednesday!

By Luci Furious

There are no bad times, only good stories.

105 replies on “Why Should This Open Thread Worry”

I have seriously had enough with Facebook ads!  What the holy fuck is this?  How would this convince me to be a child therapist in the state of Idaho?!  Are you asking me to counsel people in order to prevent young people from getting tattoos of what I can only assume is Linda Blair circa 1973?  If so, that is an incredibly narrow market an I can’t believe you would suggest that I make that a career!  Zuckerberg – I am blaming you for crap like this!



Beats me. I also get recommendations for Grindr and random sex clubs, which is sort of like “thanks for pigeonholing me, advertising.” All of my straight seventeen year-old male friends get adverts for random MMOs, which I’d quite like! They’re the ones who like to get stoned and shag everyone.


I’m really more concerned about pairing the horrible tattoo of a creepy child with an request to become a juvenile therapist.  As it happens, I used to be a juvenile therapist in the state of Idaho.  I just can’t find the correlation between the image and the ad.

Tell me more of this AdBlock of which you speak.

This is also true. Are you supposed to traumatise children with the tattoo, so they will thus seek your therapy??

Adblock is an extension/plugin for your browser that blocks ads on websites – you can unblock certain sites if you like. Works like a charm, and free.

First, you download Google Chrome. Because it is the bestest browser and all things pale in comparison (if you are using Firefox, I suppose that’s acceptable). You can set up individual accounts that link up with your gmail (or not if you prefer), you can save passwords and delete them easily, it’s sleek and pretty looking, most website developers use it to design/code their websites so everything will look lovely while you are browsing… I could go on and on.

Secondly, you download/install AdBlock. You can then browse the internet with less advertisements! I personally disable it on websites that I support, such as Persephone Mag.

Thirdly, you win the internet. Congratulations.

The ads are one of the main reasons I don’t use Facebook anymore.

I was listed as female on it, and I have a well-documented love for dragons…so the way one particular ad tried to get me, is it advertised that it was a DRAGON GAME…in which you hatched a dragon from an egg and RAISED IT and it was your own little baby!

I threw a fucking fit when I saw that.

Same. And I think my anger is compounded, because I can’t help but analyze what they give me and others based on gender/race/sexuality/etc. stereotypes.

Like, since I had “In a relationship” listed, I was flooded with engagement ring ads. My boyfriend, on the other hand, had a lot of “Ashley Madison” type ads. Even though he was also listed “in a relationship.”

Fucking assholes.

Oliver and Company was the first film my parents took me to see and it was so loud, I couldn’t take it (I had persistent ear problems as a child). I saw it eventually and it’s just such an under appreciated classic. Plus, Bette Midler, Billy Joel, Cheech Marin! How can you not love it?

Julius Caesar reads like a parenting book at times.

On a good day, when kids are being difficult:
“There is no terror, Cassius, in your threats,
For I am arm’d so strong in honesty
That they pass by me as the idle wind,
Which I respect not.”

On a bad day, when kid are being difficult:
“Cry Havoc! and let slip the dogs of war.”

The Ides of March are, however, bringing delightful things today. Mr. Juniper has been away for a few days and he’s back tonight. Am very, very excited about this. Ahem. Also: house full of flowers. Picked up a basket of plants for my mother for Mothers Day this weekend and decided to get some flowers for the house, too. And so much prettiness! House is need of unfucking, though. Damn.

Oh, that would be quite, quite brilliant.

Wow! What a wonderful idea – and incredible pictures, too. Though I must say, I don’t have quite that many flowers in the house. Just a planter with primroses, among others; a vase of gorgeous two-tone carnations and a vase of irises!

Sadface. I’ve just seen photos of a relative’s house and if I watched Hoarders I’d say they were stills from an upcoming episode. He’s not physically well, but after seeing that I can’t help thinking he must be mentally unwell too. And one social worker is telling my family we should get a skip and throw everything into it, and another is telling us we can’t throw anything out without his permission. And he’s ill enough to be in hospital but they want to release him soon, back to that house, which…  Ugh.

I’m team don’t throw anything out without permission. Even if the house looks like a garbage dump cleaning and throwing things out without the owner’s permission is incredibly invasive and kind of condescending. It might make you feel better, but it will make him feel worse. That said, a generalized permission should be ok. Maybe just have someone ask if it would be ok for them to go and clean up the house a little in preparation for him coming home because they know he hasn’t been able to keep up with the house work due to his health, and they think it would be nice for him to be able to come home to a clean house. I think the thing to avoid is guilting him about his lack of cleaning, because from personal experience with a relation who didn’t do a lot of cleaning, it does not help.

We’re certainly not going to throw out things we know are useful or valuable to him, and err on the side of caution about paper, etc. But there are piles of used plasters (band-aids in USian), burnt matches…  He has full gas cylinders dotted around the house; the carpet is totally worn down, especially on the stairs (tripping ahoy); dust and cobwebs everywhere; the kitchen table congealed with old food; and barely any free floor space. It’s not just untidy, it’s a health hazard. He has already given permission to be in in the house to clean, but the contradictory ‘advice’ from the social workers just isn’t helpful.

If you’ve got his permission to clean, then that is the important thing. As long as he knows, and is ok with it, then that is what matters. He doesn’t need to personally ok every used bandage or burnt match going in the trash if he has given the go ahead to the house being cleaned up.

Talking from my own experience, it mattered that relative felt like she was in control of her own house and her own things. She was fine with getting help with cleaning, she was not fine with people “helping” by cleaning without asking her first. It made things go slower, but it helped keep things clean after we left.

That’s what we’ve gone for at the moment, but it’s just not enough to make the place clean, you know? If we kept a pet in a living space like that we’d be (rightly) arrested for neglect, but the social worker is telling us we have to let a sick relative go back to it…? I don’t get it.

Goodness, it’s where the whole place needs a deep clean, but the sounds of it. I think if you can consider it as progress, even if it’s not near what needs doing and once he’s home, maybe more can be done then? It’s such a difficult situation to be in.


It’s difficult, because, like you pointed out, we don’t want to infringe on his autonomy, but it is dangerous and there have been a few close calls where if someone hadn’t called at the exact right time then he wouldn’t be alive. And then the authorities aren’t really joined up on it either. Thanks for responding, I appreciate it.

Dear cats,

I appreciate that you attempted to wake up on time this morning. And behold, your efforts have paid off. Unfortunately, your chosen method has resulted in me being very, very pissed off. Give me a few hours to cool off before you attempt any snuggling.



PS. If you piss in my luggage one more time, I will skin you alive.

To be fair, this is the first accident in quite awhile (several months now). It was a quintillion times worse when Kitteh wasn’t spayed. Oh lordy. The pee was EVERYWHERE. ALWAYS. It was a pee-apalooza.

But look at that face! Who couldn’t forgive her?

The most hilarious (and not infuriatingly stinky) bad thing they’ve done lately was when I made homemade sushi and foolishly, I left it on the counter while waiting for my partner to come home from work. They took out all the fish bits from each individual sushi, leaving the rice untouched.

NICE!  That’s a good bad cat.

My Eleanor spends her days hiding around corners in our home ready to grab and bite the ankle of any person foolish enough to walk by.  Although this looks like a getting ready to sleep face, it’s actually her trying to figure out how quickly she can run to her litter box, take a crap, then stick her butt in my face.  She’s a jerk, and I love her. It’s a really toxic relationship.

EDIT – fuck!  That picture was huge!  one minute and I’ll get her down to an appropriate size.


Gah. I love calicos. When I get a larger house, I want desperately to get a calico (and a black cat and a orange tabby and Siamese and…). So adorable. My only poop related problems stem from Dudswell, my fluffy Persian, and his poop clinging on.

Also, I think I need to include at least one new cat picture per OT. Because I’m a crazy cat-lady, don’t ya know?

I’ll send her to you if you like.

Two days before my wedding, she groomed the front of my hair in the middle of the night.  When I woke up and ran my hands through my cat slobbery hair, a huge wad of chewed up hair came out.  She had cut bangs for me.

Fast forward two years and I’m working as a juvie counselor.  I need to get up early in order to be on time for my first group session of the morning – young female trauma victims recovering from substance abuse.  Just before I open my eyes (important plot point), Eleanor realizes that she hasn’t sprinted across the apartment at top speed for no reason in, like . . . hours.  So that needed to get done right away!  She patched out on my face leaving four claw marks from my lower jaw to my hairline diagonal across my face.  One claw went right over my eyelid (told you that was an important plot point) and stuck under my eyebrow.  Like, it broke off under my eyebrow.  Worst. Group. Counseling. Session. Ever.  An hour of convincing teenage girls that I was not, in fact, in an abusive relationship.


I don’t know if it’s cool to post this here since it’s not the foodie group, but hopefully it’s ok or someone will tell me to move it.


I have four black bananas, a lot of chocolate, not a lot of time and a man I’d like to impress!  Does someone have a foolproof recipe for me?  I’m not a bad cook / baker, but I am a nervous one if I don’t know the recipe and haven’t been given very clear instructions, especially if the recipe has been tweaked.

I don’t care what form the above comes in, muffins, bread, etc.

Thank you!

I don’t really have a song for worrying but when I was really stressed out after I moved back home, I listened to Mahavishnu Orchestra a lot. I think I may have listened to the Apocalypse record almost everyday. David Gilmour’s On An Island album also seems to make me feel better too. I wished he’d put out another album.

The only thing I’m really worried about is now is making enough money with my writing and hopefully getting a change on scenery soon. A day or two out of town would be nice.

I am not the most prolific commenter anyway, but I’ve been away and not reading here! So I just wanted to say hi!

Also, I am 1) on vacation, yay! 2) texting a lot with this cool guy that I went on a date with last week, yay! and 3) feeling pretty paranoid about my weight/body because I’m in a bathing suit a lot, am in many pictures, and have a gentleman of interest with whom I might want to get naked sometime. BOO. That last thing needs to stop, for sure, but it is damn hard.

Don’t beat yourself up. I quit smoking 10 years ago but I keep a pack in my underwear drawer. It let’s me feel in control & sometimes when things are horrible I light one & sit on my porch. (They’re dry & not very good any more lol) IDK why this works but it allows me a measure of control knowing they are there & without all the condemnation of ‘oh I broke down & bought a pack now I must smoke the whole thing.” Don’t know if it would work for anyone else but it was the magic bullet that finally allowed me to quit.

Two things;

Today I got a solid 6-week slot at my counselling place, all of them in the evening on Mondays which means when I go back to school I can keep attending.

Today I realised again how little I know what I want to at University. Eugh, WHAT DO I DO. SO MANY THINGS ARE INTERESTING.

Whoo for counseling!

That is definitely one thing I appreciate about US universities; they tend to have a lot more flexibility. I didn’t find what I wanted to do until the middle of my last semester on my second year of undergrad.

Is there any possibility for an interdisciplinary focus?

I mean my face’s resemblance to a vulva is quite astounding—remarked upon daily by young and old. As a gay man, I say with certitude this unfortunate situation has destroyed my life. Even in the millions of dollars I earned modeling for Georgia O’Keeffe’s paintings I cannot find an ounce of solace.

Perhaps some educational work would help you to dry the tears from what I hope are your eyes. You could apply to be a prop in a Sex Ed. class.

Or perhaps a travelling production of the Vagina Monologues would appeal to your artistic side. Just think: your name in lights, rubbing elbows (and who knows what else) with the bright young things of the theater.


(There are no words to describe how much I loved your last comment)

Went out and ran pick-ups tonight in an attempt to “out-run” my crazy, so to speak. I haven’t heard from boy since our Skype date Sunday, despite me sending him three emails since then. I have a second interview this Friday at the place I interviewed at last Friday, and you’d think he’d say something about that? And I heard from him every day last week while he was gone, so I have no clue what has changed. So now I’m just a big mess, both really, really pissed and really, really worried. I need a drink.

Sorry I’m so tardy with my reply. Boy has been in Asia for a business trip since March 3rd, and I hadn’t interacted with him since Sunday morning. But I woke up this morning with an email from him, so now I’m feeling better. Thanks for the well-wishes, I really hope I get this job!

Oooo, my go to Worry song is Bob Marley’s “3 Little Birds.”  It has become my final exam mantra.  Today I am a little annoyed.  I’ve decided to go gluten free in an effort to resolve the stomach problems I’ve been having.  Great thing?  It seems to be working.  Terrible thing?  People keep giving me the “Oh, you’ve latched on to THAT fad,” look when I explain why I can’t have the cupcake/bread/cookie/beer they’re pushing on me.  Even worse is when my best friend’s fiancee tried to make fun of me because I was eating french fries at lunch with them.  Which are potatoes.  What is WITH all the food/diet police?  I am TRYING OUT SOMETHING NEW.  It might not even work.

But I woke up this morning wanting to run for the first time in over a year.  That’s huge for me.  I used to love running but I haven’t been able to do it because of the stomach pain.  Plus, the amount of green leafys I’m consuming (because I have no idea what else to eat) means that I may actually be able to donate blood again.  People just suck sometimes.  The end.

Man, food police are so effing rude.  Some people have gluten issues, whether other people’ve turned it into a fad or not.  Your intestines do not care about cultural tropes!  They care about what you feed them!  And they may have Grave Qualms about gluten!  This is not hard to understand!

Good on you for giving it a whirl, and good luck.  Gluten-free is not an easy diet (in the “compilation of foods one eats” sense, not the “restricted food intake to lose weight” sense) to stick to.

“Your intestines do not care about cultural tropes!”

And I’ve decided to take it easy and see what REALLY needs to be done.  I’m not allergic in the traditional “break out into hives” kind of way, so I’m not being strict about cross contamination.  If a food doesn’t contain wheat products, but is packaged in a place where wheat products are made, I figure the content is in the parts per million range and don’t worry about it.  Poor law student can’t go overboard.  It seems to be okay, though.  I already miss baking though.  I’m going to experiment once this semester is over and I’m going to make my boyfriend and his friends a guinness cake this weekend and live vicariously.

Today was a no good, rotten kind of day for me. I found out that I didn’t make the improv team that I auditioned for this past Sunday. The reason? I didn’t appear to be enjoying myself on stage (according a message sent to me by one of the judges (he apparently wants me to audition again when they hold try-outs later this year, so I guess that’s a bright side)). And I thought the one area of my life that depression wasn’t encroaching upon was improv. And boy oh boy, the rest of the day just sort of spiralled out of control from there.

I feel like ranting on and on about how miserable I’ve been and how much I’m struggling, but honestly? For once, I think it’s better that I keep it private. Just send me warm wishes and maybe tips on trying to motivate myself. My current challenges are starting to work on my writing again, falling asleep without having to wait in bed for three hours and waking up at a reasonable hour.

I am sending you good thoughts, well wishes, and internet cookies!  And I’m impressed that you (or anyone, really) auditioned for an improv troupe — the notion is totally terrifying to me.  Getting up and being hilarious and witty on the spot in front of a bunch of people?  EGADS. So kudos on that!

On the other upside, the second two goals sort of go together, so maybe that’s only two – two and a half challenges instead of a full three?

Yes. They do relate to each, but even if I fall asleep at a reasonable hour (let’s say 11:30PM instead of 4:00AM), I still struggle to haul myself out of bed at 8:00AM. Even when I’ve slept for twelve hours. I really could just sleep all day if my cats didn’t jump on my face repeatedly, demanding foodstuffs.

As for improv, I’ve been doing it for years and years now, so I sometimes forget that people assume that you have to be funny to do improv. So very not true. In fact, I make a concerted effort to not be funny and to try to tell a decent story. Trouble is, when you are coming up with random things on the spot while working with someone else, you end up veering hilariously off course. The exploration and the tendency for things to get lost in translation makes the funny sort of emerge all on its own, no help required. Improv is really my favourite thing to do and I’d do it all the time if I was provided with the opportunity.

It is super awesome that you do improv! That is really badass and intimidating. Sometimes you just don’t get the position you want, though, and I wouldn’t blame it on your depression. It just doesn’t always work out the first time! I’m sure you did a great job, even if it wasn’t your Most Awesome Performance Ever.

Here is an order of warm wishes, in any case.

What I meant was that I think my fear about being inadequate is seeping onto the stage which is a place I never thought it would intrude. I’ve been improvising now for… oh gosh, at least seven years now, so I am used to failure and auditioning and all that. But I guess I really needed a win this week. The nerves must have got the better of me this time. I’m still pretty kickass at improv (they tell me if I keep lying to myself, I’ll eventually believe it).

Thanks for the thoughts. :)

Sorry, love.  It makes me happy that they sent you some feedback and it sounds specific enough that you could actually get some use out of it (as opposed to “yeah, just do better next time”).  I can’t wait to hear how much ass you kick when you make the team.

They hold a weekly workshop/show that is free to participate in, so I’m looking to start doing that next week. I’d go tomorrow, but it’s my boyfriend’s birthday and there must be cake and partying!

Also, I’m feeling much better today, thank you very much. I love how warm and wonderful this community is. It really helps. And heck, today I’ve conquered the early morning! And hopefully that will translate into a good night’s rest. The cycle will be broken!

snerk?!  It’s Mr. Kells’ birthday tomorrow as well!  The only way I’m ever able to remember it is that it’s the day after the Ides of March and the day before St. Patrick’s day.  Happiest of birthdays to your sweetheart and I am glad that you’re feeling better today!

Maybe… Maybe we are the same person. Cats, significant others with the same birthday. There is only one way to figure this out for sure:

Do you consume vast quantities of pickled ginger?*

*- This is my clone litmus test.

I am simultaneously wishing you rainbow unicorns of happiness and flipping off your depression with the force of ten million suns, with the desire that the two-pronged attack will shoo it away!

Is it possible at all for you to seek counseling, if you aren’t already?

I am in therapy currently. I wish I had started it sooner (like before I got to the crazy low point I was/am at). Therapys… well it’s not fun is one way to put it. But even though I can’t see the end yet (and there quite possibly is no end), I know on a rational level that it’s better that I slug through this. Plus, I’ve found out all sorts of interesting things about myself.

It does take time, and that can be one of the most frustrating feelings, especially when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

For some people, finding the right antidepressant can be really helpful, too. Although, it might take some time to find one that works well for you.

I tried the anti-depressant route. Two different pills and two different reactions. Wellbutrin made me CRAZY (yes, all caps). Sertraline gave me massive stomach pain. And now I don’t have a doctor and it is next to impossible to find a doctor here. I’ve left my name at tons of clinics and with a government group that finds people doctors, but the minimum wait time is three months. I’ve been waiting now since August. I got a phone call back in November about this, but I wasn’t at home at the time and they left a message saying that they would put me back at the bottom of the list. ARGH.

The only way to get a doctor here is to get pregnant. I guess I could fake a pregnancy. Or you know, run into  an ER screaming, “IS THIS DEPRESSED ENOUGH FOR YOU?”

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