Knit Like a Boss: Dirty Things for Naughty Knitters

[Note: The images in this post will be NSFW.]

Knitters aren’t all nerds and baby gifts, sometimes we want to get a little raunchy. So here are a few things to make that are sexy, saucy or just plain dirty. Behold.

Body Parts

Who wouldn't want a knit vulva?

Let’s start with the vulva. It takes a small amount of a few different kinds of yarn – use any color you want, since all vulvae are different – and follow the pattern to make it in whatever size you want. You might want to make yourself a boob pillow. If you want to keep going with the lady business, you can make a knit uterus (you’ll need pipe cleaners and fiber fill for that) or a felted cervix. To make this a little political, you can sign up to send handmade girly bits to various male politicians who are trying to take our rights away.

Now, on to the boy parts. You can use a wang to hold your lip balm, or a cute little smiling Mr. Peen. There’s also a cute little sperm pattern that can be turned into a keychain.

If you’re interested in freaking people out, you could always make yourself a fetus coin purse. Because why not.

Wearable and Usable Naughtiness

There are all sorts of things to cover the man junk (or a vibrator) – there’s even one you can customize to whatever pattern you want, including a baseball and bat or an elephant. For the ladies, there’s a wealth of pasties on Ravelry – from a basic pattern to ones that look like olives and leaves. You can get a thong for men or women.

If you want to have a little more fun, there are always the Fuzzacles (you’ll have to learn how to felt, which is easy) or Flick, the belt that turns into a whip, just in case.

Happy Animals

It's the hat of love.

The birds and the bees. The deer, the kangaroos, the elephants, the cows, the bears and the bunnies. Seriously, if you want to, you can make a project featuring those species getting busy. You never know when that might come in handy.

By [E] Liza

PhD student. Knitter. Brooklynite. Long-distance dog mom. Reluctant cat lady. Majestic unicorn whose hair changes color with the wind.

5 replies on “Knit Like a Boss: Dirty Things for Naughty Knitters”

A sperm key chain sounds mega adorable. I love this post so much. I laughed my ass off.

Truthfully, I’m knitting a super cute and snuggly baby blanket right now.  Its washable and simple so they don’t have to worry if she pukes on it. Next I’ll consider a sperm key chain or vulva :)

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