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Lunchtime Poll

Lunchtime Poll: Ready for Spring?

Around my place, things have taken a turn for the better as the sun has decided to make an appearance (at last)! We’ve been driving around just because we can, working out at the gym several times a week because all that Vitamin D in our systems feels like a dream come true, and generally, just smiling more.

Sushine over rolling green hills and a mountain peak
Image courtesy of Zitona

Suddenly, we’re looking forward to the Farmer’s Market in May and waking up super early on weekends because the sun is all up in our faces through our windows. It’s a beautiful thing.

How are you folks handling the imminence of summer and sunnier, more pleasant days? And what else is on your mind, this Monday afternoon?

 

By Michelle Miller

Michelle Miller is a twenty-something blogger, cook, freelance writer and editor living in Seattle, Washington. She’s a feminist trying ever-so-hard to embrace her spaces, conventional or not. She looks forward to numerous bad hair days, burnt cremes, a soapbox or two, and maybe (just maybe) a yellow polka-dot bikini in the years ahead.

46 replies on “Lunchtime Poll: Ready for Spring?”

See, I know that’s the conventional wisdom, but over the past couple years I’ve managed to reach the point where I do not wish it was winter again. Nope. Just give me a big glass of tea and I will sun my little lizard self on this rock over here, thanks.

I picked my first pepper this morning!  And it’s 68 right now where I live….in April. THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN EVER.  Usually it’s about 20 degrees hotter this time of year.  I’ll take it.  :-D

But don’t worry.  I’ll be grumbling about the heat in no time.

I was with you until you said “Usually it’s about 20 degree hotter this time of year.” Where I live, it’s about 20 degrees cooler! But you know what? I’ll take that, too.

What, pray tell, was this pepper that you picked? Explain. I have never picked a pepper in my whole life. O_O

Um, I am beyond impressed that you also grew this pepper in addition to picking it. I was pretty impressed already with the picking.

BUT THEN YOU TOOK IT UP A NOTCH!

How do you even grow peppers? In a planter? Upside down? In the sun, or in the shade? Outdoors, indoors? This whole thing is baffling to me.

Summer, huh? We have a forecast of rain and snow showers here. Oh, and I’m in the Northern Hemisphere. Blah. A few days ago it was up to the 70s. Now we’re in the in the high 30s, low 40s. Silly weather. I can’t wait for summer weather to be here permanently.

It’s cold and miserable here and I am super grumpy. I’m also completely fed up with my husband, who did something a while back that betrayed my trust, and he tends to gaslight or derail or get angry at me whenever he does something that triggers memories of it. It’s like he only feels its acceptable for me to have feelings and needs if they’re convenient for him, and I’m sick of it. It seems simple to me; he did something wrong, it hurt me. Cause and effect. When it comes up again, it still hurts, but what makes it worse is that he doesn’t acknowledge my feelings, he attacks me for getting upset. Trying to blame me for something he did that hurt me because I don’t react to it ‘properly?’ Ugh. I’ve never (literally) been able to have a conversation with him about my feelings (on anything) without it turning into something about him, without him focusing on things he derails onto and trying to control/manipulate the conversation (even though they’re not about him at all; like I’ll say ‘I feel really out of sorts now that I’m losing my job’ and, instead of proactively trying to make me feel better and being supportive, he’ll talk about his raise.). I think it hit me the other day, when he asked the baited question of ‘is there any reason why I always have to go out and get food?*’ (right after he volunteered to get food and I asked if he wanted me to go with him) that he really does not care about my happiness if it requires any effort on his part, and that he will always feel that his needs are more important, not as important, as mine. And I think I just don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks that they can manipulate me into being a second-class citizen in lieu of an equal partner.

*Mind you, there is, even though I have gone to get food as well, and I pay for all of it. But this is how he sets himself up for victimhood. His choice isn’t to appreciate what I do, or to figure out what he can do without it being a one vs. the other game, it’s to dig at me. It boils down to him not wanting to get the food because he wants to put on nightclothes and paint his nails every night, regardless of what needs to get done. And it feels like he resents me not just being an automaton that serves his needs at his whim. But his resentment is starting to rub off on me. Couple that with his increasing jabs at sexism and misogyny (”ooh, that’s sexist against MEN then!”) and just, ugh again.

Double ugh. The Mister will do shit like that when we fight (which is thankfully pretty rare these days) and I’ve adopted a policy of saying “Yes, but I’m talking about [this] right now. We can fight about [that] later if you want.” when he tries to derail me.

Good luck. We’re here for you whatever you do.

So, that’s not just me huh? I will decide that I want to discuss something that is bothering/upsetting me with the goal of addressing it, and figuring out how to fix it. I figure I need to do things to help fix it, and so does he. So, I initiate a conversation, and then it will get derailed five ways to Sunday. At some point, it will get to the ‘well, you never care about my feelings’ bit o’manipulation from him. I’ll say ‘I brought up [x] topic to share my feelings and to try to resolve it in a way that works for both of us’ and say that, once we’ve dealt with the topic I brought up, I’d be glad to discuss anything else he’d like (but not before it is resolved), and that he is free to bring up any subjects he’d like to whenever he’d like (since he is a grown-up and all), but I brought up this subject because I wanted to discuss it. I think it’s just that his default is that, if it’s not an issue for him, it’s not an issue. If something is a problem for me, then it’s a criticism of him or somehow needs to be about him, even though I walk on eggshells to ensure that I don’t come off critical and am sticking with my feelings. It’s like a game to him, where he wants to ‘win’ by being able to make it about him without having to deal with my feelings. He says that I have all of the ‘rules’ on how to talk and just keeps trying different derailing tactics to get me to shut up. But it’s not like he’s the first guy I’ve been with who does this; I’ve noticed a lot of guys tend to take issue to me ONLY when I have needs or express feelings, so I think I just can’t pick people properly.

A lot of guys tend to not want to deal with feelings, especially when those feelings come from the women in their lives.

It sounds kind of fifth-grade-camping-trip, but maybe you need some equivalent of a “talking stick” – you know, so that the interrupting can at least be got under control.

It probably won’t teach him anything, no – by a certain point in adulthood, it’s not that you haven’t had an opportunity to learn something, it’s that you have decided you do not care. Y’know: “I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.” I know the common wisdom is that it takes two to fight, but I’m going to call bullshit. It takes two to compromise. Which means that if he’s not willing to do so, your options are to capitulate or tell him to walk. Here’s hoping for a miracle?

Thanks all. I’m sure it’ll be a bit of arguing this evening unless he has the ability to go ‘gee, when I do things that remind her of my crummy behavior, she gets upset. I should maybe not use that as an opportunity to dig into her and see what she needs to get through that’ – unlikely :)

All of this sounds awful. I witnessed a situation very much like this with some friends of mine. Of course, it was a little more two-sided in their case. After two years or so of a frankly awful situation, their only recourse was to seek professional help with a neutral third party. They’re much happier today, but that process of working with a third party took another couple difficult years.

I am giving you all the huggles I can because you deserve them. Feelings are okay; no one can ever dictate to you whether your feelings are wrong or right. They just are and they requiring respect.

*huggles*

Spring cleaning and organizing has hit with full forces.  My veggie starts are growing but I am afraid to plant them yet….never know what our weather might do.  When would you plant? Is it okay to put them in the ground or should they be a bit bigger?

The weather is being controlled by a mighty trickster around here. The day I finally decided to put up my long sleeved shirts and take out the tank tops, we started having random cold spells. I’m about to tell the weather man to go screw and find a farmer’s almanac for this year.

so far as planting veggie starts, if you’re pretty certain it won’t go much below 30 you should plant them. However if it does get cold, old sheets or fabric as a coverup can increase the temp around the little seedlings by quite a good number of degrees and make it more comfortable for them. The longer you wait the more you can increase the chance of shock to their systems.

We are in the sweet spot where summer heat hasn’t set in, but the pollen count is down to manageable levels. It’s inspired me to go bike shopping with my son. He is almost sixteen, but has no interest in learning to drive, so we are looking for a good all-around commuter-type bike so he will have some more mobility. Speaking of which, has anyone ever had a bike with a backpack “shelf” on the back? He is worried that it will upset his center of gravity and make it harder to turn.

What a great idea! Not only is it good for him, but it gives him a taste of that freedom that we all craved around his age (which some of us STILL crave, I’m sure!). I don’t have any experience with a backpack shelf, personally, but I often see people using them. I usually wear my backpack when I’m out riding, but then, I’m never packing very much.

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