Open Thread

Monday Night Flashback OT: The Songs We Sing

Greetings, dear readers! Happy Monday to you. I hope if you indulged in the holiday over the weekend, you’ve recovered today. Saturday, I got to visit with my grandma, who is a proud 98 1/2 years old.

She is, by far, the oldest person I know. She’s always like to sing, and on Saturday, she burst into song several times during our visit. She sang “In Your Easter Bonnet” when showing my kids her Easter decorations, and then she sang “Back Home Again in Indiana” after she recited all 92 Indiana counties in alphabetical order (she likes to do things to flex her memory).

Growing up, I thought all grandmas burst into song, but I don’t know that that’s true. When I was a kid, she and I would sing and dance the “Hokey Pokey” in front of her girlfriends. I thought it was perfectly normal, but my kids do not have such routines with my mom, so I don’t know.

Do the older people in your life sing? What do they sing? How was your weekend? Did you do anything for Easter or Passover?

36 replies on “Monday Night Flashback OT: The Songs We Sing”

My parents and their siblings and friends tend to wax lyrically about how they all used to sing at parties when they were young. And their parents did too. All that’s left now is the slightly awkward one song around the Christmas tree at the extended family seasonal get-together. Even though almost everyone in the family can carry a tune and has sang in choirs and such in school. I even sang on TV as a kid. You won’t hear a squeak out of me in public now, just humming to myself in the shower.

Moving on to a different topic, and I apologize for the harsh turn here: I need to vent a little about the clusterfuck that is my cousin’s textbook case of an abusive relationship of several years. She’s admitted now that physical abuse is in the picture too, and I can’t even pretend to be surprised. The maddening part is, he’s got her completely brainwashed. Through all these years, she’s defended the asshole and made excuses for him no matter what he does (emotional abuse, destroying her self-esteem, isolating her from all her social contacts, bankrupting her with his lifestyle choices, the list of extreme shittiness goes on). She keeps flatly denying anything is his fault, ever, basically. (It’s always the cruel world, the lack of money, his blood sugar fluctuating, anything but the fact that he is an abusive asshole.) And god forbid anyone question the sustainability of her “relationship”.

So how do you help someone who won’t listen and refuses to help herself?

God that sucks. :/ I hope she realizes what’s going on soon. When my friend was going through her abusive relationship, it didn’t matter how many times I pointed it out or we fought about it, she refused to admit to it. I started making her write things down. One of her big things was getting mad at him for a legit reason and then forgetting she had been mad or was in the right. She started a journal (we had a secret language when we were kids made out of pictures and symbols) that he couldn’t read containing each day’s happenings. It took about 7 months after she started that journal before she finally left him.

I don’t know if that would work for you, but honestly the best thing you can do for her is not give up on her. Even if that means holding your tongue sometime just so she can feel loved and cared for. I hope it gets better soon.

Thanks. I’ll try suggesting that she documents things, in the hopes of one day getting her to file for a restraining order, at least.

The thing is, I feel like I’m enabling him when I’m holding my tongue. Pretending to go along with her denial and tiptoeing around the abuse issue is killing me inside, because so far support has only seemed to give her resolve to put up with more abuse instead of changing the fucking locks already.

The latest news is, he has threatened to move out in 3 weeks, but I’m not rejoicing because I don’t believe he will.

I completely understand that feeling. I have been there and felt it. But sometimes railing against her and her relationship can be too much for her to handle. It’s not that you are playing into his hand, but that you are trying to save your friend. If she’s too her braking point silently being there for her is more important. I’m not saying you tell her everything will be alright and that it’s okay because he loves her. No. I’m saying, sometimes just hold her while she cries because she needs you. Then, when the crying is over, tell her calmly how you feel. It’ll show her that someone still cares about her besides him (in his twisted way). And it might help to keep your friendship alive and strong while he tries to get you out of her life.


Okay. I’ll try to keep up communicating “I love you, but I disapprove of you staying in that relationship” as best I can then. That’s gotten me told off before, but things change, so maybe she’ll start seeing my point eventually.

Stay strong. I know it sucks right now, but things can and do get better. If it helps, my friend was in her abusive relationship for four and a half years before she broke out, and that was with more than 50 people (she has a big family) yelling for her to get out and get away.

I know she’s been in that relationship for a long, long time. And I know that it can feel at times like she’ll never ever get out of it. But one day she’ll surprise you, and she’ll thank you for staying with her and believing in her when it’s all said and done. And I do hope that that day comes soon for her and for you.

This is the sort of thing I had to do when I was coming to terms with my mom as an abusive figure; I would constantly be furious about this or that, but forget the details of why! So, the feeling would remain, but I couldn’t justify myself. Not to others, not to her, and not to myself.

@ninjasavestheday I don’t know if relaying that to her would help, but if she decides to do it…maybe it could help her make sense of things?

My dad fancies himself an opera singer. We try to prevent him from singing, but it usually doesn’t work.

But speaking of the hokey-pokey, the Walkway over the Hudson in Poughkeepsie/Highland is trying to break the Guiness World Record for most people doing the hokey pokey at once on June 9. If any of y’all are nearby, I think I’m going! Info here.

My mother will sing about anything. Give her a tune and she’ll start making up lyrics about whatever (usually our cats). She used to sing “Rise and Shine”  to get me out of bed in the morning when I was a kid. She was also my Girl Scout leader, so I learned most of my camp songs from her. Her mother died before I was born, but according to Mom she sang a lot too. Me, I like folk songs and old hymns and I like to sing along with anyone else, but I am to shy to sing by myself. But it has been determined that my super power is remembering lyrics to things.

Great. I was waiting for an OT and now I don’t know why any more.

Ah, yes! Guess who has ten fingers and a couple of thousands freckles and who has been wearing nail polish the last two months? I started out with it on my toes (geesh, how bendy do you have to be for that?) and now -after a day test drive with only polish on my thumb- I decided to finish both hands (left doing right will be mighty fun). See what PM does for me!

Also, my grandfather used to be choir boy/man and we try to avoid all topics that can make him burst out in Pavarotti-like movement and/or song.

there are no real “singers” in m family. However we do all have a penchant for making joyful noises. In fact, on any given Sunday you can here us belting out the phrase “On Sunday Mornin'” over and over again, but we take a special liking to Easter. Firstly we wake everyone up with “Get up Get up the sub is up. The dew is on the buttercups. Get up!” Followed swiftly by “On Easter Morinin’!” As loudly and annoyingly as possible. And yes, I missed not being home for this this passed weekend.

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.  So I just lost almost a week of work-time (admittedly I took waaaaay more time off this weekend than I should’ve, but whatever) because I was too dense to check my input file carefully.  All that wonky data that I was flipping out about?  Yeah, turns out I had a value in my input file that was two orders of magnitude smaller than it should be, and was causing everything to be wonky.  The really exasperating part is that I *totally* should’ve checked that like five days ago, because it’s one of major culprits for wonky data.  So not only did I lose a lot of time, but I feel like a Seriously Dim Lady.  Which is never good. :(:(:(

Aww that’s no good. It happens sometimes; when you’ve got a situation where a tiny tiny factor being off can break what you’re doing, you’re basically playing find the needle in the haystack. I’m sure everyone who does what you do makes that mistake every once and a while.

My mom came down for Easter this weekend. She’s been sorting her garage and going through my grandmother’s things. She brought me a piece of chinoiserie (my grandmother collected it) and a purse that’s really unusual — it’s a little beaded handbag, but it has an expanding/contracting piece of decorative metal at the opening. I love it.

I cooked and did a lot of yardwork this weekend, and my parents came down to visit me, and we all gorged on cheese and matzoh ball soup and stuff. I realized I really like entertaining, but our house is seriously lacking in seating, so I need to deal with that before I can start having people over more often.

I always remember my grandmother singing though I don’t remember her singing anything in particular very often.  Nursery rhymes and Yankee Doodle come to mind as songs she would sing.

I managed to sprain my ankle Saturday so I spent sunday lying in bed with a pack of green beans on my ankle, eating the homemade coffee cake my mother made me and rewatching firefly.  I can think of worse ways to spend Easter.

So we took the two older boys out to ice cream today. They were so excited for it! We let them order the larger sizes even though we KNEW they weren’t going to finish it (they did, but only cause they forced themselves!), and they ran around this big watertower that was next to the place.

When the BF had told them we were going to do it, the older of the two kept asking why, so he told them it was because they’ve grown so much since we first met them two years ago. And he was SO proud that he immediately asked the BF to tell his dad about why we were taking them.

The whole thing really made me smile. I hope it helps them.

Today at work was eh. The office crush ignored me and talked to my co-worker, as usual. And to top it off, my contacts feel weird– one of them keeps shifting. I plan to replace the lenses, but it made the last few hours of work really difficult.

So, I’ve been hanging out with this new boy from okcupid. He moved here about 6 months ago from Oregon and just bought a house. He went back to Oregon to get the things he left in storage. We’ve been emailing back and forth and have plans to hang out when he gets back. The real bummer is that I’m going home for vacation for a week and a half right after he gets back. I miss him WAY more than I should.

That must suck so much. I hate not being able to see someone I like. But at least you were able to meet someone nice on OKCupid! I’ve never had much luck on that site, and I’ve considered having someone critique my profile to increase my chances.

I’m willing to go get a drink (non-alcoholic) with pretty much anyone that I don’t think will stuff me in their trunk. I’ve met a lot of duds, lol. And it’s not that missing him sucks so much, it’s just really surprised me. I kind of hope all this absence doesn’t let him lose interest.

the trunk part is so true and I totally feel you on that one and/or the okcupid attachment. my date plans for tonight fell through and after that punch in the gut i realized i’m secretly batshit mad about this picture on the internet.

let’s start a club, i will make tshirts, but I will give you hugs first and a week.5 will go by in a jiffy.

I’m with you there. I just started OKCupid. I have found that this time around I have gotten fewer really terrible messages. I think it is because I put that I’m a feminist in my about me. Weeds out the misogynist assholes pretty early. Except the trolls.

And chryster, you are inspiring. I’m always paranoid or busy and don’t meet up with someone unless I think there is potential. And by that time there is a lot of pressure and I act like a nervous ninny. Not super pleasant.


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