Recap: Bones, Episode 7.09, “The Don’t In The Do”

Scalping, academic publishing, baby blues, and blow-outs? It’s an all over the place episode of Bones, this week, and even Brennan ends up seeming kind of disgusted at the killer.

Case of the Week

A church group gathers at the ground-breaking for their new building, which happens to currently be a dump. I mean, I know good real estate is hard to find, but really? Suddenly, birds covered in something blue start dropping from the sky. One lady is sure it’s a plague from God, and that’s probably confirmed for her when one bird drops, holding part of a human face (complete with eye) in its beak. Ew.

When the Jeffersonian team arrives on the scene, Hodgins says there are too many chemicals to figure out what turned the body blue, but can tell that they victim has been dead two weeks. Brennan gives a preliminary ID of male, 30s, tall. Oddly, there’s no hair on the body, and there are too many animal chewing marks to even guess a cause of death before they get to the lab. Once there, Angela pulls an ID of Santiago Valmont, super in-demand hairstylist, who had three clients complaining because he missed their appointments. Angela infers that Santiago was giving his clients more than just a blow-out. When Booth questions them, Angela wasn’t wrong. The women say that they were all cool with the arrangements, but the Saturday appointment was jealous and Santiago started complaining about her last month. They don’t know her name, though… they respected his privacy.

Visiting the salon that Santiago worked at, owner Tabitha leads them to Theo, Santiago’s shampoo boy (who is played by Queer Eye‘s Jai Rodriguez), who would know about the clients. Theo leaves before the Saturday lady came in, though, so he had no clue. He points to another stylist, Kevin, who looked terribly familiar to me (and IMDb tells me played Charlie’s brother on LOST). The combo of familiar faces reminds me of this comic I saw earlier this week. Hmm… BravoTV star or bit player from ABC show… who is the bigger star? Kevin rolls his eyes and breaks into Santiago’s station to hand them his appointment book: “There, now you don’t have to get a warrant.” Booth finds a tip envelope with a thousand bucks in it and a note from someone named Ruby: “You’re mine, darlin’; don’t you forget it.”

They bring in Ruby for questioning and she doesn’t see the big deal with giving a grand for a tip, but she doesn’t deny sleeping with him. She loved him, she claims, and would never do anything to hurt him. He had debts from buying drugs and she was trying to get him into treatment, but he wanted to get his dealer off his back. Tox screen confirms that there were drugs in his system, so Booth and Sweets head out to the location of Santiago’s last credit card charge in Little India (and we get some annoying product placement for whatever smart system is in the Camry as they drive there). Back in the lab, Hodgins has determined that the blue stuff wasn’t Barbicide, but potentially something that was used to clean pools or fountains. And thanks to an idea by Squintern of the Week Arastoo Viziri, the team finds that Santiago was scalped. Ew. Again.

At the shop in Little India, Booth and Sweets find the shop owner, Poorab Sangani, who claims not to know Santiago, but then goes running. Oh and there’s a blue fountain in the shop. And he ran with a bag FULL OF HAIR. This episode is disturbing on so many levels. Poorab was Santiago’s supplier for weave… and Kevin’s too. He didn’t kill anyone, though… he took the hair from corpses at his dad’s mortuary before they were cremated. Hodgins figures out that the blue stuff was antifreeze (seriously? antifreeze? that was hard to figure out?) and Booth and Brennan go back to the salon to question Kevin, who has disappeared. Sweets and Booth manage to find him on his way to the airport, and he denies having any motive to kill Santiago, but Sweets and Booth found that Kevin was Santiago’s dealer. It’s pretty coincidental that his car overheated on the way to the airport, too, since he’d just bought two gallons of antifreeze that month, but none was found in his car. Kevin claims that someone must have stolen it from his trunk. Suuuure, Charlie’s brother.

During a case epiphany at the spa, Brennan realizes that Santiago’s artery was severed, probably while someone was leaning his head back like to wash and cut it. Booth (with his “barber’s son” expertise set) says that Santiago would never have let Kevin cut his hair, so they go to visit Theo. When Brennan finds blood remnants on the ceiling, Theo confesses… he just wanted his own chair, but Santiago laughed at him. He then remarks, creepily, “His hair was so beautiful,” leading to them finding the scalp hanging out on a mannequin head. Ew. Ew. Triple ew.

Booth/Brennan/Baby Plot

As Booth and Brennan get ready to head out to the crime scene (priceless quote from Booth to Baby Christine: “Daycare for you and crime scene for us.”), Brennan is flustered because she doesn’t know what to wear. Booth has no idea what she’s talking about since she’s never been one to be overly concerned about appearance before. She describes it as feeling like she’s in someone else’s body. Booth, to his credit, tries to mirror her, saying that he’s hearing that she feels vulnerable because they just had a baby. Brennan takes this as him thinking she resents their daughter. Aw, poor Booth.

Brennan goes to Angela, asking how she felt (other than the good stuff) and Angela guesses it’s a clothes issue. Angela advises her to buy some new clothes and have a spa day. Brennan claims that she’s too busy and Angela reminds her that she just “grew a human… a spa day is the least you deserve.” Angela, you are my spirit animal.

Sweets gets all up in Booth’s business (because that’s his main function on the show now), and tells Booth that it’s normal for women to have a form of body dysmorphia after childbirth. He explains that Booth should buy her something to make her feel beautiful and takes her into a lingerie store. The clerk asks what size, and of course, Booth doesn’t know. “Apples or melons?” she asks and Sweets replies, “Mangoes.” Booth asks if he’s been “looking at her fruit.” It’s a pretty hilarious exchange.

After the case is solved, Booth presents Brennan with his gift and she’s grateful, but a little confused. She tells him that she complains because “it’s an irritating inconvenience, not because I’m unhappy.” She’s never had underwear like that before and she’s eager to try them on… cue baby crying. Booth goes to check on Christine as Brennan goes to get in her sexy time clothes.

Squintern of the Week Plot

Arastoo Viziri is super excited to be at work this week. Like, he looks like he’s going to pee his pants excited. He reveals to Hodgins that he’s not supposed to say anything, but he’s being published in a journal (and he even gave Hodgins a footnote). Hodgins congratulates him, but tells him to relax a bit. Arastoo explains he can’t… he’s got to figure out what his next paper will be: “Academia’s a bitch, bro!” In his quest for a new paper, he realizes that he can take molds of the animal teeth and then use the Angelator to strip away all the matching marks, leaving only the fatal wounds. It’s a great idea and Brennan even says it was ingenious, but reminds him not to get wrapped up in digital technology… embrace the tactile.

Unfortunately, the journal decides to scrap his paper for an article about Selena Gomez digging up fossils. Brennan can’t speak for the quality of “Dr. Gomez’s” work, but she was one of the reviewers for Arastoo’s paper and she thought it was excellent. She’s pleased he won’t be publishing, though… she doesn’t want to see a mind like his get caught up in a quest for fame. “Do your job. Touch the bones, let them give you the answers. That’s why you’re here.” Cam later cheers Arastoo up by telling him that he’s got a long life ahead of him to get published. Brennan believes in him. Cam’s never seen her leave an intern alone at that late stage of the case. Arastoo’s bouncing back already; tactile investigation in the digital age could be a fascinating paper.