Open Thread

This OT Won’t Let You Down

You know what this week needs? George Michael from 1990.

Whatever, people, this was my JAM in eighth grade, and it never fails to make my day a little bit better.

Come on in and tell the supermodels all about your week.

33 replies on “This OT Won’t Let You Down”

I just had the best sandwich, yum yum yum. Almost made up for the fact of me forgetting that the library was closed because it’s Good Friday (I’m pretty sure it doesn’t translate like that) and therefore I took my books with me for now reason and don’t have ‘anything’* to read right now.

*Except for three books I bought last July and still haven’t read

Just got word that the internship that I really, really wanted – the one that would have allowed me to make my Big Move soon and would have helped launch me into a new career path that I want – went to someone else. Sigh.

I just need someone to tell me, “This just means there’s something better out there for you”, okay?

You know what’s funny is that I JUST heard George Michael at the gym the other day, “I want your sex”–and it cracked me up. He was so late 80s/early 90s!

This is the last week day of the kids spring break. I’ve finally succeeded in wearing them both out- they are both still asleep!


Dear supermodels,

Last Saturday I had an exam, so I’ve spent all week lounging around reading and celebrating my few days of freedom. It was amazing.

Love, ericam.

Edit: they mightn’t be listening, they seem busy setting things on fire and having baths and making tea. Which is fair enough.

I just tried to upload an avatar and this is the error message I received:

Upload Failed! Error was: Unable to create directory /var/www/vhosts/ Is its parent directory writable by the server?

Does anyone know what I did wrong?  It’s a gif and a small one saved to my pictures.

Went out to dinner with friends tonight. Was bitchy. *hangs head*

I didn’t set out to be, but they overruled me on dinner (we ended up at a pretty good restaurant, but we had to walk 20 minutes to get there and I was really tired), and one guy was just rubbing me the wrong way. Too much hugging. I’m a reluctant hugger, and particularly un-huggy tonight. But of course if I object, that just invites more hugs (“hug it out! it will make you feel better!”), so I just kind of stand stiffly and don’t reciprocate until they get the message.

But no one else deserved bitchy LadySybilRamkin. And the food was quite good, I’ll admit.

Bluh. I think I’m just tired.

lemme preface this by reiterating how much i love my husband.  i really really do.

that said, his mom called to see if we wanted to come up to their house (120 miles away) this weekend for Easter – bring the kid, hang out with the fam, kid gets some QT egg-hunting with his cousins etc.  any other day of the year, i’d be all over it – i get along really well with my in-laws.  however, i’ve been on my deathbed for a week.  i feel like hell and am coughing till i throw up on a fairly regular basis.  my sis in law has a brand new baby and I don’t want to be the guy who comes around a baby sick as hell.  i laid this out for my mom in law who understood perfectly.  then i told my sweetheart who laid a huge guilt trip on me for not wanting to go.  so, i call my MIL back and tell her that sweetie really wants us to come up.  she again understands (the woman is a saint).  then after work, husband asks me: “So shall we just stay home this weekend?”  SONOFABITCH.  make up your cotton-pickin mind!  to my credit, i didn’t blow up at him, but did lay out my honest feelings about it – i don’t wanna go.  i then asked HIM to call his mother TONIGHT and tell her the deal.  i knew he wouldn’t, or would forget, so i just texted my MIL to let her know that we will not, in fact, come up.  for the third time in 12 hours, she totally understands. in the grand scheme of things, this is the biggest first-world problem ever, but it is so rare an occurrence that i am annoyed with my husband i just had to vent for a sec.


thank you.  carry on.

[TW for discussion of potential child abuse]

I’m worried about the two older nephews who have been sharing space with me the last couple months.

They are 10 and 8, and I’m worried, because when I watch their mom parent them, a lot of times she falls into many of the same patterns my mother did. And I’ve talked before about how my mom was emotionally abusive. Their mom doesn’t tend to talk to me much, but the last time we talked about deeper stuff, I found out she grew up in an abusive household. And apparently, her previous husband (and the kids’ father) had abused both her and them before he died.

I know that when I first met these two kids a couple years ago, they misbehaved a lot, and I could tell that the older one was very insecure. Now they have a lot more stability than they did, and they know there’s people in their lives who care about them and how they do in things. They’ve come a very very long way. They’re at that point where they don’t really need a heavy hand, just a reminder now and then to do what they’re supposed to.

But when I watch their mom with them…when she’s fed up and stressed out, she acts like they’re misbehaving at every turn. She yells at them a lot in these times.

It’s all too reminiscent of my mom.

I really don’t know what I can do to help. I think, tomorrow, I’m going to tell them how proud of them I am, and that I want them to know that they’ve matured so much and I’m so impressed with them. I also want to tell them that I know they’re mom is hard on them a lot of times, but they are still absolutely good kids. And they don’t think of themselves as bad kids…and I don’t want to step on their mom’s toes (mainly because of our living situation, because if I undercut her authority it is going to be a Big Deal, but I’m not going to go into that right now, because I could write a novel on how much Mr. Silverwane’s and my living situation sucks right now).

But I’m also worried that when they’re my age, they’re going to have similar stories to mine. I don’t want that to happen.

I just don’t know what I can do. I don’t think their mom is a bad parent necessarily…she just needs help. I bet she could use some counseling. Someone to help teach her better ways to discipline. And I wish Mr. Silverwane and I could, but she isn’t going to listen to us.

wow, sweets.  that sucks.  i really like your idea of complimenting the boys and letting them know that you’re proud of them.  if you had heard that at their age, is that something that would have stuck with you?  if so, i say that’s your best course of action.

I don’t know. I think it might help, because the people whose approval I usually valued were the people who didn’t say it often, but when they said it you KNEW they meant it. Since I’m usually pretty shy about expressing my affection (dumb insecurities), I don’t say things like that often…so maybe it would help? I don’t know if they’d react the same way I might have.

In some ways, I feel like I should do more, but I don’t know what I can do other than this. Or take super drastic action, which I don’t really want to do. Sigh.

not knowing a damned thing about your relationship to the boys or their mom: would it be inappropriate in your current situation to do something special for them (bake them cookies, take them to the zoo etc.) as a “hey, you guys are really awesome and I want to let you know how cool you are” thing?

If you feel up to it, approaching their mom could be a good move too. Even something like “You seem a bit stressed, do you want to talk about it? Is there anything I can to do help?” could help get her to get her anger out on something other than her children (not that I’m suggesting you let her treat you badly, but if you can intervene as a redirect for her and get her to talk).

Oh, and don’t underestimate the power of being the supportive auntie. I love mine, and even being able to go to them and say “Mum is crazy! WTF is she talking about?!” and have them nod and say “Yep, we know, we’re sorry” helped immensely because it gave me perspective and validation that how she sometimes behaved was not ok.

I think that supporting them and letting them know that they’re awesome and loved and supported is the best thing you can do for them. I had an emotionally abusive caregiver growing up, too, and even though I didn’t necessarily process it at the time, the people in my life who did support me… my grandad (sadly, too tired and beaten down by her to stand up to her, but still quietly supportive), the handful of teachers who took me under their wings and encouraged me, and the far away aunts that always let me know there were thinking of me… I don’t know where I’d be without those people. I still had a lot of baggage to work through as an adult, but they put the seeds in my mind that I was worthwhile and I was talented and I was someone special. So when I started to work through my problems, I could look to that. And I can see how it kept me going at the time, too.

Just being there for them is worth as many words as you can fit in a dictionary, too. Going to their activities, asking them about those activities or other things they’re interested in. One teacher knew that I wanted to be a lawyer and astronaut… she took me to a rally for a friend of hers who was a lawyer running for office once, and another time, gave me a picture of a shuttle launch. 20 years later, I still remember how amazing those small actions made me feel.

Just applied to a bunch of paid summer internships. Wish me luck! If it doesn’t work out, I might be living in a cardboard box or hunting down local persephoneers. Southeast United States, you have been warned.

In other news, the nice boy that I’m hanging out with popped the girlfriend question immediately after orgasm last night. My answer was… “no?” But who does that? Shooting down a dude right after he’s gotten you off is a guaranteed 24 hours of feeling 1) mean 2) slutty 3) deeply commitment phobic.

Whoo, good luck!

Oh, that sucks. Saying “I love yous” or asking relationship questions or shit like that for the first time right after sexytimes is a terrible thing to do, and it puts the other person in a really awkward position. It’s totally not your fault that happened.

That’s just not cool. You finish after-care, then go for the serious questions. That should be a core tenet trained into the psyches of all teenagers before they go off and start having sex.

I would offer you the fantastic popcorn sitting on my desk, but I doubt it will survive much longer.

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