Becoming a Maker’s an eternal commitment, greater than any marriage, deeper than any human bond. To throw that away is sacrilege.
I suppose I should apologize that the vast majority of screenshots for this week are Pam-centered, but she’s been burning up the screen this season. Of all the changes made from page to screen, giving Pam more to work with is one of the smartest. So sorry I’m not sorry.
Sookie, Lafayette, Tara
Tara rightfully ditches her two friends. We get a good look at her new vampire senses and how fast she heals from her silver wounds, but Tara doesn’t seem as thrilled by this as Jessica was when she was turned. She attacks a stranded motorist, apologizes for being a monster, and ends up with Sam back at the bar. Remember when they had a thing? He stashes her in the walk-in when the sun rises.
When she rises and blows the door off the walk-in, and Sookie tries to play the innocent angel card with her, Tara righteously calls her on her bullshit. Lafayette and Sookie tried to save her, but it was a selfish impulse about their pain and their wants. Literally everyone on the show knows how much Tara hated vampires. To think she’d be grateful to be alive and a monster? That was a stretch even for Sookie’s ability to lie to herself.
Sookie is left crying and telling Alcide the whole dirty story, while Lafayette finds he has the demon ghost-Marnie stole from Jesus.
And Tara is breaking into a tanning salon to burn herself to death in a tanning bed.
Bill, Eric, Nora
Bill takes off his shirt. Eric takes off his shirt. They are explicitly instructed to do so at the same time to have their iStakes installed. You know what I’d like to see this season instead of gratuitous fan service? A coherent story arc.
So something something something, no shirts, sex with Salome, something something, iStakes, blah blah blah. Whatever. I had a hard time caring about most of it.
Nora admits, under torture, to being a Sanguinista, the faction of vampires who thinks humans should be farmed for food. Salome uses her vagina to determine that Bill and Eric are not. Detective Stabler and Salome are revealed as an item and he also takes off his shirt. Salome takes off her dress. Thus is the episode’s quotient of sexy-sex things filled.
Pam! Every scene Pam was in this episode was a joy and a delight, and I’m not speaking in hyperbolics. First, we get to see Pam vampire-texting, which is a skill I’d like to possess. And then she and Sookie have a snark-out that ends with Pam throwing her across the room and Sookie light-fingering her back. (Which sounds far dirtier than it was.) And then we find out how she came to be Eric’s child.
See, back when she was but a mere madam in a brothel, she had a problem with vampires killing her whores. We’re not sure how many whores she lost, but it was enough to cause a headache for any madam concerned about her bottom line. When Eric cruises by to visit, Pam puts him to work, siccing him on the vampires who were, right at that moment, upstairs murdering another one of her girls.
Of course, the vampires are Lorena (yay!) and Bill. You may sigh now, as I did, by the shoehorning of those two into Pam’s storyline. It was nice to see Lorena back, but I could have done without Bill’s abominable wig. Bill tries to kill Eric (laughably), Lorena tries to keep Eric from killing both Bill and herself, and we hear some themely exposition about the importance of raising your children right.
Afterwards, Pam and Eric do it.
Pam bluntly asks Eric to turn her into a vampire to save her from her inevitable turn into an old whore, and when he declines, Pam forces the issue by slitting her wrists.
We learn that Jason lost his virginity to one of his high school teachers. It seemed like a happy memory, since Jason defines everything in his life by his sexual conquests, but after a chance encounter (and subsequent bedding) with that same teacher, he finds himself questioning his whole life. Remember last season when he was raped? And that whole incident wasn’t ever dealt with? These two things – the connection between his statutory and adult assaults – don’t seem to be logically linked in the story arc.
When Jessica comes over demanding sex because a sniff of fairy blood made her horny, Jason refuses, and they end up talking instead. Like friends.
And the rest
- After Sheriff Andy finds out that Holly’s boys put a naked photo of him on Facebook and he’s become the laughingstock of the Bon Temps police department, Andy swallows his pride and asks Holly to go steady. I know that this storyline seems superfluous in a show that overreaches on its plotting, but I really like it. Andy and Holly are charming together, with none of the shove-it-down-your-throat attitude of Sookie + anyone else.
- Alcide takes the news that Sookie killed his ex-fiance pretty well. He was far more pissed that she didn’t tell him about it than the fact that Sookie blew the head off the woman he once loved.
- There’s a fairy running errands for his 16 sisters in town. So there’s a new portal to Fairie now? Five bucks says Russell gets his teeth into one of the full bloods before the end of the season.
- Terry takes off to solve The Mystery of That Thing He Can’t Tell Anyone About in a Place He Won’t Name. Seriously, Terry is another gem of a character, but I couldn’t care less about that time he killed some people during the war.
- Jesus’s body is still missing, the Pelts have shown up in town, and we learned four days have passed since the start of the fifth season.
- Rev Newlin was, in fact, turned by the Authority. He’s their new “Nan Flanagan.” Which is a lie because Nan Flanagan was boss and Rev. Newlin is comic relief.