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Sorting the Stars: Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg

Today’s Sorting the Stars is a tale that started back in the early ’70s in Boston. It involves the tale of two handsome young men, one born into an upper middle class family, the other into a tough neighborhood. One was in a boy band, the other grew up besties with another young actor. Today we are sorting Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg. 

Matt Damon, all dressed up, photo from IMDB

Matt Damon was born in 1970 to professional parents. He appeared for a minute in Mystic Pizza (love that movie), but made his big debut in Courage Under Fire. He’s forever tied to Ben Affleck with their collaboration on Good Will Hunting. He was Private Ryan in Saving Private Ryan. One of his most notable roles has been “Jason Bourne” in the trilogy of Bourne movies. He’s also had a role in the remake of Ocean’s Eleven, as well as Ocean’s Twelve and Ocean’s Thirteen. I heart Matt Damon. In 2006, both he and Mark Wahlberg starred in The Departed.


Mark Wahlberg, wearing clothes, photo from IMDB


Mark Wahlberg was born in 1971 in a working-class neighborhood as the youngest of nine children. He was briefly a member of the New Kids on the Block, and then went on to be Marky-Mark of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch (gosh, I miss the ’80s). After a long streak as a bad boy and a lot of informal underwear modeling, he was able to make the transition to acting. After making a name for himself in The Basketball Diaries, he went on to star in Boogie Nights. He’s worked steadily ever since. Wahlberg recently made the transition to television, playing a brother in a family of law enforcement professionals in the drama Blue Bloods. (correction: It’s Donnie Walhberg in Blue Bloods, not Mark. Doh. Perhaps I should sort the brothers?) 



I’ve always been able to tell these two apart, they are, after all, of my generation. But I can see how they are easily confused, with their Boston accents and similar features. So here’s your quick guide: If he’s in his underwear or singing, it’s an early Mark Wahlberg. If it’s an amnesiac assassin or a genius, it’s Matt Damon. If it’s a detective on TV, it’s Mark Wahlberg. Who else would you like for me to sort? I’m happy to oblige!

15 replies on “Sorting the Stars: Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg”

How dd I miss this post???  I totally get these two confused All. The. Time.

I just saw a biography on Wahlberg and he was in that New Kids band, too, but didn’t take it seriously and was kicked out.

Was it Wahlberg or Damon who was in that movie with DiCaprio?

Ugh. I’ll just call them Damberg.

It has always been a toss-up between which of the two I love more, but recently Damon has come out on top.  Between a couple of jack ass things I’ve read about Wahlburg and then watching Damon defend teachers, my love and lust has officially moved into the Damon camp.

Matt Damon is the BEST.

Evidence point 1: Everyone he’s worked with says he’s hardworking and polite.

Evidence point 2: I went to the “Oceans 12” premiere and he was the only star who came over to where all the plebes were standing and patiently signed things and took pictures for quite a while.  (Though to be fair, I think if Brad Pitt had come over, a mob would have formed, judging by the unearthly screams that his appearance caused.)

Look, yes. Think? That’s more uncommon. The thing about Damon and the collective Wahlbergs is that they’re pretty normal-looking, but especially in Damon’s case, the personality makes it all happen. That interview where he tears the interviewer a new one for being shitty about teachers? HOT.

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