Ugggggh. There are few things that make me grimace like woman-on-woman hate, or something that is clearly designed to pit women against each other. I always wonder about the person who created the picture in the first place – I have a sneaking suspicion they are created by women looking for a boost to their own self-worth based on making other women feel unworthy*. Let’s do this.
The real message of this graphic is a question: Who do you want to be? Any bitch? Or a real woman? Once you’ve made your choice, you can follow the directions. First and foremost in determining whether you are any bitch or a real woman is the way you respond and react with men. Because remember: a woman without a man is like any bitch without a menu to order off of.
So. What should you definitely not do if you want to be a real woman?
#1) Don’t spend a man’s money. And isn’t it all men’s money?
#2) Don’t ride in his car. Which is… difficult to do if you are in a relationship, but if you are really invested in being a real woman, you’ll figure it out.
#3) Don’t lay up in his crib. I think this is saying that you should not just hang around his house and be a bum. Get a job, you lazy any bitch!
#4) Don’t order off the menu. I had to look this up, because I wasn’t sure whether it meant “order something that isn’t on the menu” or “order something that is on the menu.” According to The Internet, it is the former. Don’t be a snob.
#5) Don’t spread your legs. SLUTS ARE BAD.
#6) Help a man achieve his goals in life. Your goals: not important. His goals: important. If you want to be a real woman, anyhow.
#7) Support him when he’s broke. If you don’t have a job or money and need the help, you are any bitch. But if he doesn’t, and you help him out, you are a real woman. First rule of real womanhood is hypocrisy.
#8) Constantly push him to be successful. BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT BE A NAG.
#9) Shower him with positive energy. POSITIVE energy. Don’t push him to be successful! That is nagging! Love him for how he is! But then push him to be successful too.
#10) Compliment him on a regular. On a regular what?
#11) Never kick him while he’s down. Especially not if he’s laying up in your crib or ordering off the menu.
#12) Instead, lift him up. Any time you think he’s doing something wrong, just remember, he’s a man, and you’re a real woman. It’s probably your fault that he’s doing that wrong thing, so lift him up.
Conclusion) If you’re able to find a woman like that, WIFE HER.
Okay it’s all fun and games until we get to this line. Wife her? Really? It is clear from the rest of the crapdate that a woman should not be slutty, should not have any needs or desires of her own, and should do everything in her power to make the man successful and happy and fulfilled, but “wife her”? If there is any doubt about the agency of said woman, it is gone now. She exists solely for the purposes of the man.
In other words, if you want to be a real woman, you should strive to be desired by a man. In order to do that, put his needs above your own, make him a better person than he is capable of being without you, don’t have sex, and always have extra money on hand for him. And then be prepared to be wifed! Every woman’s dream. Oh, I’m sorry. Every real woman’s dream.
*I did a very informal study using Google, and approximately 2/3 of the times this post came up, it was posted by a woman. So.