Op Ed

Takedown: Wife Her

Ugggggh. There are few things that make me grimace like woman-on-woman hate, or something that is clearly designed to pit women against each other. I always wonder about the person who created the picture in the first place – I have a sneaking suspicion they are created by women looking for a boost to their own self-worth based on making other women feel unworthy*. Let’s do this.

Wife her

The real message of this graphic is a question: Who do you want to be? Any bitch? Or a real woman? Once you’ve made your choice, you can follow the directions. First and foremost in determining whether you are any bitch or a real woman is the way you respond and react with men. Because remember: a woman without a man is like any bitch without a menu to order off of.

So. What should you definitely not do if you want to be a real woman?

#1) Don’t spend a man’s money. And isn’t it all men’s money?

#2) Don’t ride in his car. Which is… difficult to do if you are in a relationship, but if you are really invested in being a real woman, you’ll figure it out.

#3) Don’t lay up in his crib. I think this is saying that you should not just hang around his house and be a bum. Get a job, you lazy any bitch!

#4) Don’t order off the menu. I had to look this up, because I wasn’t sure whether it meant “order something that isn’t on the menu” or “order something that is on the menu.” According to The Internet, it is the former. Don’t be a snob.

#5) Don’t spread your legs. SLUTS ARE BAD.

#6) Help a man achieve his goals in life. Your goals: not important. His goals: important. If you want to be a real woman, anyhow.

#7) Support him when he’s broke. If you don’t have a job or money and need the help, you are any bitch. But if he doesn’t, and you help him out, you are a real woman. First rule of real womanhood is hypocrisy.

#8) Constantly push him to be successful. BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT BE A NAG.

#9) Shower him with positive energy. POSITIVE energy. Don’t push him to be successful! That is nagging! Love him for how he is! But then push him to be successful too.

#10) Compliment him on a regular. On a regular what?

#11) Never kick him while he’s down. Especially not if he’s laying up in your crib or ordering off the menu.

#12) Instead, lift him up. Any time you think he’s doing something wrong, just remember, he’s a man, and you’re a real woman. It’s probably your fault that he’s doing that wrong thing, so lift him up.

Conclusion) If you’re able to find a woman like that, WIFE HER.

Okay it’s all fun and games until we get to this line. Wife her? Really? It is clear from the rest of the crapdate that a woman should not be slutty, should not have any needs or desires of her own, and should do everything in her power to make the man successful and happy and fulfilled, but “wife her”? If there is any doubt about the agency of said woman, it is gone now. She exists solely for the purposes of the man.

In other words, if you want to be a real woman, you should strive to be desired by a man. In order to do that, put his needs above your own, make him a better person than he is capable of being without you, don’t have sex, and always have extra money on hand for him. And then be prepared to be wifed! Every woman’s dream. Oh, I’m sorry. Every real woman’s dream.

*I did a very informal study using Google, and approximately 2/3 of the times this post came up, it was posted by a woman. So.

By Susan

I am old and wise. Perhaps more old than wise, but once you're old, you don't give a shit about details anymore.

28 replies on “Takedown: Wife Her”

am i the only one that thought the target audience for this graphic is men?  because you know, they need to be told which kind of woman is a REAL woman and thus the right one to pick.  like, psh, come on guys, any old bitch can be a slut, but I’M special…look at ME.  i’m not like that.

everything said above still stands, obviously, but we’re ignoring that this kind of thing is also robbing men of their agency to you know, be with and marry a woman that he loves and respects?

Gah–this sounds like a Craigslist ad for a crappy job.  And being a wife was really one of the only “acceptable” occupations women could have for a very long time.  So this is definitely a job that I wouldn’t want.

Granted, marriage isn’t all fun and games, but it shouldn’t be a chore either.

It’s also annoying because it suggests that those behaviors are things women should do specifically to get a dude to marry her, right? So like, the stuff you enjoy, like getting laid and riding around in his car, will prevent the thing every woman OBVIOUSLY wants most of all, so you should deny yourself those things until you ensnare him? Or something? Or like, there’s just something fundamentally wrong with you if you like that other stuff and you’re not worthy of being married at any point? I don’t get it man. I’d rather order off the menu and lay around his house. I do what I want. I don’t want to be wifed. Yuck.

Two thoughts on this…first of all, I think the motivation behind women posting it isn’t with the intention of saying “any bitch” is terrible, but probably more to point out passively that they are the women worth wiving. This probably comes from a place of loneliness and low self-esteem. Honestly, I feel bad for those women. Secondly, the language sounds…sort of slummy, like what I hear around where I live now. That probably explains the non-traditional phrasing. And…from a sociological perspective, that could also explain the motivation behind posting this crapdate. A lot of women from urban areas feel that they don’t have opportunities for advancement, and so they turn to finding a husband as a solution. Does this make sense at all? Or am I totally off base?

I got this too,only I don’t think it’s pointing it out passively as much as passive aggression,attacking and insulting  any other woman as a  bitch and a slut and not a “real” (whatever that means) if they have a man (which obs. accomplished by leg spreading and not “positivity showering”) and they feel bad about themselves because they don’t, because gosh darn it they’d treat them like kings if they did.  it is very “I’m not any bitch, I’m a good woman, I’m wife material, I’m special.” I’m not sure about the socio-economic connotations, but perhaps slamming other women for being gold diggers transcends class barriers in it’s internalised misogyny.


I get the takedown of the whole thing – since it’s completely sexist – but I also understand where these women are coming from. The writing sounds a lot like a Southern colloquial slang that I’m familiar with, but don’t personally use. When I’ve heard this type of argument it’s normally driven by a religious background, often from an already partnered woman. Especially in certain communities of color, this is standard fare.

I’m not necessarily *defending* the sentiments, but I get it. Even the ‘on a regular’.

Honestly when I first read it I did get the “partnered” woman impression too, but I felt it was an attack on a mistress, spending a man’s money, ordering from a menu because they all sound like “other woman” things, while a real partner who supports the man in his crisis etc. Nobody seems to be putting any judgement on men who might prefer the sex and car driving woman over the “wife” material though.

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