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Talk Dirty to Me: the Good and the Ugly World of Sexting

It’s not even my birthday, But he wanna lick the icing off, I know you want it in the worst way, Can’t wait to blow my candles out…

Being a bit of an old school lady myself (not a smart phone owner, no data plan, not a big texter in general, etc.) I have recently been exposed to some flirtatious and frisky texting. Honestly, it was a bit exhilarating at first and then was followed by much screaming and calling my BFF to vent so I wouldn’t have night terrors. I think texting can be a fun and frisky way to set the tone for a rendezvous but it can go from flirty to frightening in a hot second. I’m going to discuss the good and ugly side of texting, from my perspective. Please feel free to share your successes and/or hilarious horror stories.

from TrishaSweetZ tumblr

The Good: Flirtatious texting, or sexting as it has been called, can be fun and really get you in the mood. It’s less terrifying to say, “I’m thinking about you and I want to have sex with you” by text than face-to-face. Personally, I feel this is best used in what I am terming a “consensual amorous relationship.” Someone you know that you’re in some sort of relationship with, or just know in general. Let’s be honest:  it feels good to know that someone is thinking of you and wants your body. It makes you feel HOT! And who doesn’t want to feel hot? Not only does it make you feel sexy, but it gives you something to look forward to. I think it is a good way to start what is sure to be a great night and to keep the passion alive in a relationship. It’s also a great way to get the ball rolling and take a new relationship to a more physical place. Fun, flirty fantasies sent via text make this awesome and can make you feel great and look forward to meeting up later.

The Awkward: Someone you don’t know or barely know. Example: a match on a dating site. You just gave them your number and they go from being a nice person who sends you emails, and who also loves to play scrabble to a pervert who wants to spank you and cum all over your face by the third text. Woah. Yes. It happens. This is real life people.  My tip: make sure the person is interested in this sort of exchange first. Maybe test the waters with a, “Hey, I think you’re really sexy,” and see where it goes from there.

The Ugly: Unexpected photo of the sender’s naughty bits.  This happened to me recently while I was in the car with my mom on the way to a children’s birthday party, probably the worst possible moment, and my reaction was “WOAH!” then “Delete!” When I told my friend about it later, while he tried to console my terror over the dick pic, he wondered, “Why didn’t you save it!?!” and I was like, “Why would I want to save that?” Maybe this makes me a prudish or old-fashioned lady, but a completely unexpected photo of a penis on your phone (just a penis photo at close range) was not what I was expecting and it did not put me in the mood. It took me from, “Maybe I’ll go hang out with this person later,” to, “I need counseling and a bottle of wine ASAP.” Don’t text something you wouldn’t want to be shared with the whole world. For me, the Grandma rule applies: If you wouldn’t want your grandma to see that photo, you probably shouldn’t send it.

This is what the reaction to an unexpected naked pic looks like. Thanks collegecandy.com

I’m looking forward to your stories sharing your sexting successes and woes.  I’m so sure I’m not the only one who has had these fun and scary experiences.

10 replies on “Talk Dirty to Me: the Good and the Ugly World of Sexting”

I’m far from comfortable with sexting, camming and so on. If I’m really really desperate there might pop a ‘ODL I want you so bad right now’ but pretty much everything else would make me ache with embarrassment and effectively kill the mood.
Luckily boyfriend freckle doesn’t seem to be a big fan of it either.

Being in a long distance relationship, I am so glad for sexting, which is weird because I never thought of that as something I’d be comfortable with.  But it really helps keep us excited about each other and makes us closer even though it is so maddeningly frustrating at the same time.  The added bonus is that it really boosts our communication about sex as well.  We can bring up specific thing that we like or mention things we’d like in the future in a fun way.  The result is that even though I’m totally new at all this relationshippy sexy stuff, I’m able to feel far more comfortable when we’re together than I would be otherwise.

Thanks a lot, technology!

Woohoo for LDR’s.

Sexting was a must…and phone sex – something I look back on and think, ‘I really did that?’ Yup. Six months between visits will make you do about anything. But you’re right, all of this definitely improved our communication involving sex…and probably our communication in general.

Hope you don’t have to be in an LDR for too much longer! :-)

Ditto! Although my boyfriend prefers skype or IMing, but still, woo technology. And the point stands that it’s a lot easier to type something than say it out loud. Plus, if you do it on the way to see them… reunion sex is even hottter.

I am an awkward fail at texting. The closest I’ve ever gotten was very mild innuendo, and on the other side of the scale, businesslike requesting of booty calls. But back and forth, sensual, foreplay-ish texting? Nope. If someone texts me I get the tinglies, but I can’t write 140 character smut back. And that’s all fine with me, I’d rather not walk around all horny and save my tantalizing for when we’re together.

Same with sexy picture sending. The one time a boyfriend asked me for a pic, I was baffled. How does one do this? Do you send the whole body, or just a close up, or what? Where am I supposed to take this picture? Whhaaa… dude you have clearly asked the impossible of me, just use your freakin’ imagination.

I find sexting to be unsatisfying if I can’t get my hands on the person shortly afterwards. I know some people in Long Distance Relationships swear by it, but mostly it just leaves me all dressed up and nowhere to go. So to speak.

The picture thing. It is so important to check before you send pictures. I don’t know why a guy wouldn’t ask before sending that, because you wouldn’t just walk up to a woman you found attractive in a bar and after some light small talk go “So, hey, this is my penis” and just take it out. IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY. In person OR online.

But if you DID walk up to a woman in a bar and say “Hey, so….this is my penis,” she would react one of two ways.  (1) Call the bouncer and run away.  (2) Laugh hysterically and then call the bouncer.  (I would probably do number 2.  You’ve gotta say something for bravery bordering on the insane.)

Also, as one of those LDR people who swear by it (at least sort of), it’s nice to know that someone is thinking of you in a *special* way, even when you’re not there.  Plus, as long as it remains flirty and light, you don’t get as many of the “I must have you now!” feelings.  And there are never any pictures.

Unless I’m really drunk.

It’s this kind of thing that makes me glad that my phone is so basic it does not receive pictures. It’s also the kind of thing that makes me apprehensive about talking dirty in bed, just in case it escalates to a place I might not want to know it’s going in his mind… Not that I don’t enjoy some good dirty talk in bed, too, but I make sure to start it off slow with new guys…

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