The Frisky Feminist

The Hair Affair: Revisited

Q: Any advice for shaving one’s pubic hair? I always seem to get, erm, stubble and that’s just not nice for sexytimes. (Nobody likes a carpet burn!) I’m kind of interested in waxing, but also terrified of it, so any insight into how to get a smooth mound would be (forgive me) gnarly!

A: We’ve touched on the subject before, but it was quite some time ago, so this gives us an opportunity to reintroduce it! In the original post, we requested input from fellow Persephoneers about waxing in particular since we have no personal experience to share, and we’re including some of those suggestions here.

This should go without saying, but we’re going to say it anyway – do (or don’t do) whatever you want to your pubic hair, everybody. None of this is meant to suggest that you should be grooming it or that you should be removing it a different way or more of it or less of it; your personal preferences and comfort are key here. On a similar note, while it’s understandable that your partner (or you) might have preferences when it comes to pubic hair and find certain looks sexier than others, nobody has the right to try to make anybody feel like they should be doing something different or to make you feel bad or unattractive (and you shouldn’t be doing that to anyone, either). These concerns often come up in discussions about pubic hair, and we wanted to get that out of the way first.

Brian Alexander, who writes the Sexploration column on MSNBC’s website, suggests that pube grooming has likely been a practice for centuries, perhaps even as far back as the ancient Egyptians, who may have been motivated less by wanting to seduce their partners and more by avoiding lice infestations. Approaches to hair removal and popular styles have varied over the years. A study released last year in the Journal of Sexual Medicine of 2451 women ages 18-68 found that despite the common assumption that more and more women are going completely hair-free, there was no dominant style or approach to hair removal; many women engaged in partial hair removal and slightly fewer occasionally removed all their hair, with the numbers for those categories (and for “no removal” and “typically hair-free”) changing according to different variables like age and relationship status. So as with any other aspect of sex and the human body, while some things are more common, there’s no such thing as “normal.”

(And for that matter, pubic hair grooming doesn’t necessarily have to do with your sex life – both of us began grooming our pubes for our own personal comfort long before we started having sex with other people.)

Trimming is probably the cheapest and easiest method of hair removal, though if you’re hoping to go completely bare you won’t be able to stop with trimming alone. You could use lots of different things – small scissors work well (blunt-tipped or even children’s nail scissors, if you’re clumsy and afraid of stabbing yourself, like paperispatient), and some women swear by clippers marketed for “bikini area grooming” or even beard trimmers. Sit down with a mirror and some good lighting and trim away.

If you’re hoping to remove more hair, you can follow up by shaving. This is another one of those subjects where different things seem to work for different people; we’ve always read that to avoid ingrown hairs you’re supposed to shave with the grain of your hair, but paperispatient does the opposite and has never had a problem with ingrowns. So experiment – you might need a few tries to figure out what works and what you like (and a few Persephoneers who commented on our original post swear by shaving in both directions). Give the hair time to grow back a bit before trying again (shaving any more frequently than two or maybe three times a week leads paperispatient down a razor burny and unpleasant path).

You’ll probably want to do it at the end of a bath or shower, so your skin has softened and your pores are more open. Lots of articles suggest exfoliating before you shave as a means of avoiding ingrown hairs; you can do this with any kind of body or facial scrub, but something not too abrasive. You’ll definitely want to lather up with something before you start shaving, and this is another part where your mileage may vary. Some people swear by shaving cream or gel, others prefer soap, and still others prefer body wash or even hair conditioner. As usual, if your vulva is sensitive and/or if you’re prone to infections, you’ll want to be picky about what products you use and be very careful that they don’t get up in your vag.

Then, shave. If you’ve got a hand mirror or a cosmetic mirror on a stand, that might be helpful the first few times, especially if you’re interested in shaving the hair on your vulva as opposed to just the hair on your pubic mound. People recommend different products for after you’ve shaved – we’ve heard people suggest moisturizer, baby powder, and even stick deodorant in addition to the various products marketed specifically for pubic area care. And of course the nice thing is, if you weren’t intending to get rid of all your hair and get a bit overzealous because you were going for symmetry but then one side ended up shorter so you had to level it out but that just caused the same problem on the other side (not that that’s ever happened to one of us or anything), it’ll grow back and you’ve got another chance.

Finally, waxing and sugaring are some options for longer-lasting hair removal. A few Persephoneers recommended giving your pubes a little trim beforehand since the esthetician will likely do that anyway and it can help reduce discomfort, although you’ll want to make sure they’re grown out enough that there’s something for the wax to stick to. They also suggested exfoliating to help combat ingrown hairs. Baconaut recommended sugaring over waxing, finding it less irritating and painful, but noted that it isn’t available as widely as waxing is and can be more expensive. And LittleGirlBlue offered some reassurance, commenting that from her experience, waxing gets less painful the more you do it. If you’re still unsure whether or not waxing is for you and want to know more, you can read even more about it on some other sites.

As always, Persephoneers, if you have anything to add, please do so!


Keep the great ques­tions com­ing! (Hee.) Got a ques­tion to ask, sub­ject you’d like us to dis­cuss, or myth you’d like us to bust? You can e-mail us at or send us an anony­mous mes­sage via the spiffy new Ask Us! fea­ture here.

By paperispatient

I recently earned my MA in women’s studies. I enjoy reading, working out, playing Scrabble, watching cheesy movies, and cooking yummy vegetarian meals with my partner and Frisky Feminist co-author, Future Mr. paperispatient.

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