Anybody want to take a guess at what Dr. Laura thinks about splitting checks? Here’s a hint: it’s absurd. This week’s “advice” comes once again from Dr. Laura’s YouTube channel.
The question: I’m a hard-working man. I make a good living. I live by myself and have been dating someone for a year now, with the intention of getting married someday, two to three years down the road. Is it wrong of me to ask for my girlfriend to be reasonable and help me with splitting the checks and bills from going out and taking trips together? She is also doing well financially and it really bothers me that she expects me to take care of everything financially. I do not want to hurt her feelings. I think I made a mistake not telling her from the beginning that I would like her to help out as well. Now she expects me to take care of everything. What should I do?
Dr. Laura’s answer: If you were dating me, you’d be having the same issue. You’re courting a woman. That’s a man’s job, to court a woman. I don’t think you should be going on vacation, that’s called “getting married have a honeymoon.” A honeymoon should be your first vacation. So you’re acting like a married couple, expecting there to be one pot where everybody puts in and we enjoy from it. You’re acting like you’re married. You’re courting. Your expectations are unreasonable. You date a woman for about a year and a half, you get engaged, you get married, and that’s when you coalesce resources. Until then, did I say it three times yet? I’m going to say it four. You’re courting. You’re the man. You’re trying to win her. I know you didn’t like this answer. But, it makes sense. Don’t expect what you should only expect when you’re married, when you’re not. Thank you very much for writing. Oh, gosh, the men didn’t like that one, did they? I’m Dr. Laura Schless–that’s because the guys these days are not brought up to be men in the classic traditional old style. There was a time when a guy would throw himself off a cliff if his wife had to work and couldn’t be home to take care of the babies. Now there’s the expectation that he can put his feet up and she’s going to clean the house, take care of the kids, and have a full time job, and be a sex kitten for him. It’s a very different world, and it doesn’t work out as well.
My answer: You’re kidding, right? Right? Oh no, you’re not kidding, because you’re Dr. Laura.
You know how Dr. Laura is always saying that feminism ruined everything for everyone ever? Especially for the men, who now have to deal with their wives hating them and treating them like sissies? This right here is evidence to the contrary.
Your girlfriend is making good money. You’re going on vacations with her. Ask her to share in the cost. I can see somebody getting upset if they think that their boyfriend should bankroll all “dates” (although I personally find that to be ridiculous) – but vacations? Really? Unless there is a huge discrepancy in income, which it doesn’t sound like there is, she should be paying her own way.
Women are not some prize that men have to “win.” Women are human beings. If, as a part of this romantic partnership, you think that she should be pulling more of her own weight financially, you should say so. The key to a good relationship is communication, and letting resentment build is never a good idea.
She may balk at this – particularly if she is a Dr. Laura listener. Think about this carefully, though – what kind of a marriage do you want to have? If you want to have a marriage in which everybody does their prescribed roles and never strays from them, follow Dr. Laura’s advice. If you want a marriage based on equality and compromise, talk to your girlfriend. If she balks, she’s not the one for you, and it’s better to find that out now.
See? Feminists aren’t man-haters. They are equality-lovers. And the good old days of men jumping off cliffs instead of watching their wives go to work were rife with domestic violence and restricted options for everybody. It was a simpler time, and a worse one. “It worked better” is code for “figuring out duties within the household was less complicated.” Simpler isn’t better. It’s just easier.
If you are prepared to have this kind of relationship forever – and this involves her quitting her job and relying on you while she takes care of the home, i.e. you will be responsible for everything forever – follow Dr. Laura’s advice. But my guess is that you don’t.